We all want to go beyond what is expected for the one we love, but when will we know when enough is enough?
And so, I fell in love. And for the nth time, there was pain involved. If I'm not the one causing the hurt, It was I who was in pain.
I love him. I still do more than anything in this world. Worse part was, He might not even be sure about me. But I am irrevocably and undeniably am.
I saw him. Giddy, Bubbly and full of spontainety. My first impression was someone who's fun to be with, who's easy going and a go with the flow type of guy.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks, We somehow managed to talked and I felt the loneliness and fears in his eyes. I felt his eagerness to dream and fly above the horizon but most importantly I felt the warmth and kindness in his heart.
A month has passed by, and I moved over his apartment. Something happened between us. Days and weeks passed by, My life was wreaked with havoc and chaos for some reasons I was unable to understand. Something was left unsaid when I moved in--
He was in a complicated relationship, That became more complicated when I entered in. My world fell down. I felt like my heart has been blown into pieces. I felt like I was trapped in a really dark place with a bomb strapped on me and there's no way of getting out.
It was a living hell and everyday I managed to survive and stand up. Just because I love him.
I felt played. Manipulated. But I kept my sanity. I tried to be as composed as possible, at the back of my mind I'm wishing, hoping, praying that he would change.
I love him. I don't want to lose him. I will have nothing to fight for if I do lose him. I swear. I'd rather die if I lose him. Because no matter what he do to me, I'm still happy with him.
Believe me, I got my worst days but I also had my best days with him.
So, My only wish is even after all this, everything will be okay because love can be tough at times but I still believe that this is worth it and he is worth it.
That's all we ever have in this world right, Hope?
Hope to end the suffering, hope that there will be a better tomorrow for me, for him, for us, hope that happiness will dominate and sadness will perish, hope for a chance.
People really does do crazy things when they're in love. They become blind, selfish, and indifferent. We are all willing to do and sacrifice the most for the people we love even if at the end, we are left with nothing but that's love. It's war. It's sacrifice. It's death.
We are not able to see our situation, we are willing to go over our pain, our struggles, just to let the love or life know how much we value them. How much I value of him--
And so, I pray each day and night hoping that one day when I wake up, I'll see his warm smile and he'll sincerely tell me how he loves me and how he wants to be with me and how he does not want to lose me.
Every night I have to fight my nightmares, doubts, worries and fears that one day he just might be gone. I battle the fear that someday he will se me, he will come through.
It is difficult to fight alone, especially in love but I have to let myself believe no matter how hopeless or slim the chances may be that the chance is bigger than the loss because it always is and always will be.
Love does not and never gives up. Everyday I wait for him to change. Each day I told him how much I love and care for him, how much I deeply and truly care for him.