The Winding Road to Friendship

Leaving Home

Before I became a mother, I travelled another road, and honestly, looking back, I think it was a much tougher journey than the path of motherhood.

It was 2021, and my husband and I were lucky enough to get married during one of those brief moments when COVID was in a lull and life felt almost normal. Shortly after our wedding, everything went back into lockdown again.

We had just packed up our entire apartment in Sydney and hired a campervan. We opened our literal map and set off on a month-long road trip across Australia to start a new life in Perth.

I was fortunate enough to have a really close-knit group of friends back in Sydney. I knew I might never find a group of friends like that again, but I didn’t expect the road to new friendships to be so bumpy.

It was our choice to leave Sydney. Being an Army Brat, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere, and I didn’t know where home was. I ended up in Sydney due to my dad’s Army posting and over the course of the years, I’d made a life for myself, but there was something about Sydney I never liked.

When I met my husband, I was relieved to find he felt the same way. That was when we started making our future plans to leave Sydney and build a new life in Perth. I’d lived in Perth as a child and always had fond memories of it.

My First Roadblock

Being the organised person I am, I already had myself a job lined up in Perth. I’d worked as a veterinary nurse for the last 13 years and although I was feeling burnt out, I thought it may have been due to working in the same practice for so long.

Unfortunately, one week into my new vet nursing job in Perth, the practice manager passed away in a tragic accident.

The manager was very close to everyone at the clinic, and all of a sudden, I found myself working in a depressing environment surrounded by grieving staff members who had understandably forgotten that I was new and needed training.

I stuck it out for several weeks, but I found the mix of burnout, grief, and lack of training wasn’t working for me. I made the decision to leave that workplace immediately.

Since I was leaving and these people would never see me again, I saw this as a chance to take a leap of faith and try to make some friends.

A Dead End

I’d been talking with one particular staff member about escape rooms. She’d mentioned that she and her partner loved doing escape rooms, but didn’t have anyone to do them with. She’d finished working for the day, so I added her on Facebook and sent her a message to let her know I was leaving.

I decided to ask her if she and her partner would be keen to do an escape room with me and my husband at some point. This is where you usually expect the person to make an empty promise that we’ll hang out sometime and then never make any actual plans.

Well, I had to admire this girl’s courage because she flat out said “No thanks.”

I’d taken a big step to put myself out there, and being turned down like that really broke my confidence.

I was feeling pretty deflated, but decided to give it another go.

A Slight Detour

One of the locum nurses had worked a few shifts with me and we got on really well. I messaged her on Facebook to let her know I was leaving and see if she wanted to meet up. This staff member genuinely seemed like she wanted to catch up and even chose a time and a venue for us to have a lunchtime drink.

On the day we were supposed to meet, I Googled the venue only to discover it didn’t open for lunch as it was only an evening venue. I messaged her to let her know and we agreed to reschedule for another time when it was open.

By then, I was about to start a new job (also a terrible job, but that’s a story for another day). Once I got my new work roster, I texted her, and she never replied.

I never heard from her again.

I had some anger about this for a few weeks. I know I could have attempted to message her again, but I was starting to see a pattern here and I felt like maybe there was something wrong with me, so I didn’t want to push this friendship anymore.

A Tiny Pothole

By this point, I’d just left a third workplace (I swear it’s not me, it’s them!).

This time, I hadn’t even made any promises to myself to try to make friends when someone from the workplace got in touch with me. She asked me how I was doing and when I was available for a catch-up. I gave her some dates only to never hear from her again.

Why bother pretending to care if you don’t? I wasn’t even disappointed this time; this person did exactly what I’d expected of them.

GPS Dropout

Now I’d worked at three unsuccessful jobs, each one slowly breaking down my mental health bit by bit, and I’d had several failed attempts to make friends.

This was when I remembered a monthly book club I’d attended a couple of times throughout all the drama. I’d never felt a connection with anyone, but I decided to give it another try.

Arriving at My Destination

I found out what book they were reading that month, borrowed it from the library, and made it my mission to finish it before our meetup. Unfortunately, the book was science fiction, not my favourite genre, but I pushed through it.

On the night of the meeting, I nervously got dressed and jumped on a train to the city. I’d only met these people a few times, months ago, and it occurred to me that I might not recognise them when I got there.

As I arrived, I realised there was nothing to worry about. I was immediately greeted with a wave and a smiling face from one member of the group. I sat down and we started talking, and we haven’t stopped since.

I’m not sure why I couldn’t make this work the first few times I attended. Maybe my map was still being drawn, my course wasn’t quite charted yet, but I’d finally arrived at my destination.

I’d found my people.

We also made a unanimous decision to no longer add science fiction novels to the book club reading list.

Four years later, my book club is still my main friendship group, and I’m okay with it.

I’ve come to learn that quality wins over quantity every time.