The Weirdest Break-up in History

How can it be that you were with someone who you thought was the perfect person for you and you were going to be together for the rest of your lives, get married, get a dog and do all the things that people do when they spend the rest of their lives together. But you break up. And you’re so happy that he broke up with you.

I never thought it was possible to feel relief after someone breaking up with you. Especially, to go from having these feelings and realising you didn’t truly feel like this. You never wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. You didn’t even want to be in a relationship to begin with. This is when I realised I don’t like being in a ‘traditional boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic’ relationship and then you make your way up the relationship escalator. I felt trapped. I feel like I lost who I was and my identity. Because all of sudden, my life has to include this other person.

I never liked being in a ‘relationship’. As soon as we became girlfriend and boyfriend, everything changed. It’s like what people say when people get married, well I’m one step back and it’s just being a relationship for me. As soon as I get in a relationship with someone, my brain frazzles. I am constantly worried about how I act and if I’m making the other person happy. I put so much pressure on myself to be this perfect girlfriend because I didn’t want our relationship to fail. I didn’t want to fail. I was confused in myself and how I feel towards being in a relationship.

Hence why I was single for 5 years prior to this. I always dated guys but never committed to a relationship with someone. I always stated ‘I will never be in a relationship’. I would even go as a far and call myself the ‘ultimate hater’ of relationships. And then I met this guy. Something was different.

For the first time since we were together when we broke up, I truly felt like I could be myself. I was honest and said I struggled in the relationship as I can’t see myself just being with one person. I never wanted to suggest this in the relationship and to be honest, it never occurred to me that’s how I truly felt. And neither did he. We both discovered that we love each other deeply but we didn’t love being in a monogamous relationship. Neither of us believed in ‘the one’ even though we would pretend like we did. I didn’t see myself being with him for the rest of my life but now I can. If that’s as a lover, friend or anything… I don’t feel pressured to pick between either him or someone else. The beauty of this break up is that we were so much similar then we even realised and how a lot more in common then we knew. I never expected to be broken up with ‘the love of my life’ and now I find it incredibly attractive that he is dating and pleasured by others. It makes me happy we discovered this chapter of our lives together of non-monogamy and it’s all brand new, exciting and scary. It's a journey of self-discovery and I have no idea what to expect but all I can say is for the first time in my life… I am truly being me.