The Unwrapped Present

Ending this year with hope and some regret, having experienced so much that my brain needs to set. Looking over the year that’s gone a closed, how much growth that’s happened with the person I’ve told. All the spats and words that’s been thrown at each other, some stayed, while others slowly drifted away. New moments and things come to light, lives change because of a fight. The good times are over and there’s no changing track, people are changing and not turning back. The ones you loved and gave your heart to, hoped they will stay and not give up on you. They think they tried to reconcile the truth, but now with separate lives, there’s no more me, and you. You make the attempt to make stuff happen, but it’s like they disappeared, and left with the magic.

Sooner or later they will all go away, like their time with you was all but shame. Focus on them where you was an afterthought, a means to an end until they all forgot. Forget what it’s like to want something so deep, the friend you had, to do everything with. A person so close that wants this and that, only to be a slave to others and forget to come back. Growing up before your friends, you leveling up while they played trends. You make it seem like it was all my doing, so you would be innocent and I’d beg drooling. You’re too afraid to admit the truth that’s deep inside, the feelings you have, in which you deny. When I end up honest and mature in my truth, you project your other feelings as if I’m the problem, and not you.

Being last to pick in a dodgeball lineup, feeling like I only matter, when all the cards are up. Focus on me and not worry for anyone else, but here you are with everyone that helps. Back and forth we argue for truth, don’t be negative, just be you. Again, this seems like a one sided race, where you don’t realize, when I’m being pushed away. You help me do me as if you’re a big brother, but you screw me up like a burnt out drummer. Your toxic trait should have been a red flag, but your gaslighting is what always got me mad. Said my peace and made some boundaries is what should have been done, but instead you’ve become the only person that’s been my main character in this season and the rest to come. The character that everyone loves to hate, that brings people up but makes them dehydrate. With all this chaos and pain to muster, love brings me back because I’m the sucker.

The lone wolf that I used to be, retired his life for friends and family. The unwrapped present that those don’t check, becomes the forgotten one, once lines are checked. Come back to your roots as life intended it, this sad Christmas is surrounded by exits. All this cheer and you’re left with sadness, positivity was nowhere while your mind descend to madness. The brain keeps ticking as the mind slowly breaks, soon it might take everyone to put me back in place. Alone at last in this world called art, with memories that’s made that all came apart. Exploring the world to find central peace, adding happiness to this wondering speech. Time alone with no one to chat, talking to yourself to get your best friend back. Self love reminds us that we matter more, even if it means, not seeing anyone anymore. Solo experiences is what comes back, goodbye to potential relationships, so I can have my heart back.