The Tubing Incident

It was a crisp winter evening in 2014. School had just let out for winter break, and my friend Tyler was hosting a White Elephant party. For those unaware, White Elephant is a game where all participants purchase a gift at a specific price point (say $20). Participants then draw a number out of a hat to choose which person goes first. Contributions can be stolen twice and only twice. Tyler had just started dating Christy at the time, they would eventually get married, but since that was the case, they both invited all of their friends. There were about 20-30 people at this party split evenly with boys and girls.

Anyway, the story cannot continue without the knowledge of my friend Jack. Jack was cheap, so cheap that he would resort to the theft of objects that nobody cared for instead of purchasing items. The year before, at a different White Elephant party, Jack found a 'Stop Sign' knocked over on the side of the street. He took it, wrapped it in a single sheet of wrapping paper, and used it as his gift. This year, he had to outdo himself. Jack ended up going to a playground and unbolting one of the slide tubes and brought that giant hunk of plastic to the party. It was yellowish, with black hues throughout from kids kicking it with their shoes. A cylindrical tube that stood at least 7 feet high. His choice of wrapping paper, an extra piece of Tyler's that he lightly draped over the top.

Naturally, we went through the entire White Elephant game, and nobody wanted the giant tube. I walked away with six gallons of antifreeze which I put in the trunk of my "mom car." It was literally my mom's Honda CRV.

But the question came around, "what are we going to do with this giant tube that nobody wants?" We went back and forth. One girl yelled at Jack to put it back so he wouldn't get arrested. That was clearly out of the question. "It's here now; we must utilize this situation." Until we realized that our friend Bishop wasn't at the party, but we knew he lived really close.

"Why don't we leave the giant tube on his front porch as a Christmas present?" suggested Kaleb. Without hesitation, Jack, Tyler, Kaleb, and I stuffed the tube into the back of Jack's car, we needed two of us to carry it, and we rushed over to Bishop's house. We set the tube on his porch, rang the doorbell, and drove off.

About an hour later, we looked at our Facebook feeds to see Bishop had posted a photo of the tube with the caption "Well, this just happened??" The post already had hundreds of likes and multiple comments. So, as 16-year-old boys, we had to take advantage of the spotlight. The four of us got back in the car and drove over to Bishop's house, with his post printed out on a word document.

The car we were in could have used my antifreeze, though, because we couldn't see through the ice covering the windshield. We drove through the neighborhood with our heads out the window to help the driver know where to go. (Sorry, if you're reading this, mom) We pulled up to Bishop's house to find the tube on the other side of the street. This problem was quickly remedied as we placed it back on his porch and taped his Facebook post to the tube. We again rang the bell and drove away.

A couple more hours of the party went by, no new Facebook posts. No glory for the spotlight seekers. We assumed that they didn't care that much... they did.

Now, to preface the next part of this story. About a week prior, there was a school shooting at the high school about a mile from our high school. Although commonplace in Colorado, it still set people on edge and made people nervous about everything. During this time, Bishop's family had been plotting against our devious attacks. They rang for a group of people that are known for donut consumption. They go by many names worldwide: gendarme, flatfoot, peeler, 12, pig, popo, cop, or best known as simply, the police. The police of this town had occasionally been blessed with the opportunity to pull over someone for speeding. It was a good night if they got some going 25 over.

Tangent over, back to the story...

The party was ending, and I was ready to head home. I lived near my friends Alison and Kenny, and we all lived the next town over, so we carpooled. However, I was only legally allowed to be driving one of them. I also have 6 gallons of antifreeze visible in my trunk. I committed my sin of the night... I decided to go back and check on the whole tube situation.

We pulled up to Bishop's house, and the tube was gone. I then looked where it was placed last time, and there was nothing-- THUMP! Something just hit my window.

I floor it. Kenny shouts from the back seat, "Somebody just ran out of the bushes and punched the back window." Immediately two cop cars pull out from the next street down and pull us over. Three cops come over to my car. One cop talked to me at the wheel, and the other two searched through my windows with flashlights. This was the first time I was pulled over, and I was scared to death because I was 16. Eventually, he brings up the "seriousness" of the situation, "Do you know how bad this could have gotten?"

"How bad?" I asked.

"One of those kids in there was so scared, he was threatening to pull out an airsoft gun and shoot you with it." He responded.

I instantly got the gist he was joking, "So this could have gotten really bad then." He did not find my joke amusing. He just nodded, said no charges would be pressed if we just went, and apologized to the family. This whole bit took about 30 minutes, enough time for multiple people from the party to come over, including Jack, who had a busted headlight. The same cop that pulled me over pulled him over the week before for the headlight. So the cop got on his case too. Jessica and Alison were too nervous about coming in because Bishop's dad was a teacher at the school, so it was Kenny, Jack, and me.

We knocked on his door, and the whole family just burst out laughing. They knew we were joking. But because we were friends, the conversation lasted 20 minutes. I told Bishop's dad, "Jessica and Alison are waiting in my car. They're scared to come in."

"Tell them I have a gun."

Without hesitation, I booked it out of his front door at a full sprint, "He's got a gun! He's pissed! We have to get out of here!"

Jessica screamed so loud that it scared Alison. Alison screamed, but not knowing why. She tried to open the car door, and instead of stepping out, she fell out and landed flat on her back. I couldn't keep the bit going; I fell over laughing. Bishop's family and Kenny laughed from the porch. I then drove the two of them home. Nobody knows what happened to the tube. Where it ended up after or where it could be now. I don't think we want to know. But I think we'll all remember that night for the remainder of our lives.