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The Truth About Meeting The Right Person At The Wrong Time

Were they really the right person to begin with?

By Nicole KenneyPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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The Truth About Meeting The Right Person At The Wrong Time
Photo by Anthony Tori on Unsplash

This article was previously published on Medium.

About a month ago, I met a guy from a dating app and we had spent a whole day together hiking with his dog, going out to dinner, and ending the night binging Netflix. He was easy to get along with and we never got bored of each other. We continued seeing each other until he sent me a message that he got a job offer in Philadelphia (currently I reside in Massachusetts) and he was going to be moving there for good.

I was angry, upset, and frustrated. Not at him, but at the situation. I felt as if every time I had met someone who seemed to be relationship material, an uncontrollable variable gets in the way. And despite the fact we were only casually dating, it was still hard to face the reality that it was never going to bloom into something serious or long-term.

One of the most cliche things he said that is said by thousands of others was:

“Maybe our paths will cross again someday, I’ll be sure to say hello.”

But that brings me to the questions of will our paths ever cross again? And if they did, does it matter? They have to because otherwise, the time we spent together now seems to have little to no purpose. It’s easy to get caught up in the ideas of fate and destiny, and eventually leading you (and me) to ask ourselves if we met the right person, just at the wrong time.

Is Timing a True Factor in Dating?

Personally, I’m torn when it comes to this debate and it could be easily be argued either way. It’s like asking if the chicken or the egg came first. On one side, people argue that if the timing wasn’t right, then it wasn't the right person because otherwise, everything would have “worked out perfectly” almost like a fairytale. On the other hand, if you meet someone who is already in a relationship, about to move away, or swept up in their career, it could simply mean they weren't the right person, to begin with, and they are just another stepping stone for you to eventually find your person.

When it comes down to it, an individual tends to believe in meeting the right person at the wrong time when it doesn't work out in their favor. But when the relationship does work out, it was the “right timing”. This isn’t to say this can never happen, because there certainly are people that meet the love of their life but love isn’t enough to make it work. But more likely than not, timing is often the first factor to blame when a spark doesn’t have the ability to ignite.

Instead of just looking at the timing of how you met, look closer at the other factors. Do you both have polar opposite lifestyles? Do they spend their weekends rock climbing and camping in the elements when you hate being in the sun for more than 10 minutes? Have they cut off all communication with his family when family means everything to you?

So many other things can influence the end of a relationship. So even if the “timing” was the first thing to surface, chances are if it hadn't there would’ve been other obstacles coming up eventually.

In short, I do think timing can play a part in a relationship happening (or not happening) but I don’t think it’s the root of as many relationships as people may think or assume.

Why Do We Blame Time?

As humans, we can tend to have a hard time facing the brutally honest truth if we know it’s going to hurt us. Therefore, we look for exterior factors to put the blame on in order to make ourselves feel better; to soften the blow.

Usually, when a relationship doesn’t work out because the timing was bad, it’s usually still in the very early stages of a relationship. Chances are, we haven’t or just reached the “honeymoon” phase, where your partner has no flaws whatsoever and you feel as if your love for each other will last like this forever. Therefore, it isn’t until after dating a while when both parties finally take off the rose-colored glasses and see the realistic version of their partner. When the honeymoon phase is over, you start to see the dirty laundry your partner leaves on the floor, the way they chew with their mouth open, or how dramatic they can get after having a few drinks.

However, when a relationship ends before the end of the honeymoon phase, you still see this person in a perfect light. You never get the chance to see all the things they do that annoy you or all of the values they have that don’t line up with yours. And since we weren't around them long enough to justify our differences being the end of the relationship, we resort to blaming the timing. When in reality, sometimes we need to simply just tell ourselves that we were not the right person, to begin with.

What To Do Going Forward

As said before, timing doesn't always stop us from meeting the right person. Many of us just assume when you’re still infatuated with someone the timing of meeting them is what we think ruins it.

If you ever suspect you met the right person at the wrong time, it’s simply a facade. They are making a path for you to eventually find your person. As corny as it sounds, if they are truly meant to be with you, they will come back. For the time being, it isn’t worth exerting your energy on circumstances that you cannot change. Regardless of what happened, this potential relationship ended and it ended for a reason.

Instead of reflecting on a situation that you have no control over, reflect on yourself and you as an individual. Focusing on someone you cannot have at the moment will only regress you as a person and make you emotionally blocked off from any other potential partners.

If you continue to live your own life to its fullest potential on your calls, you will attract the right people into your life. A healthy combination of self-care, working towards your goals, and developing meaningful relationships will eventually lead to the right romantic relationship.

Maybe this previous person is the right person, but maybe they’re not. The only way to know for sure is to live your own life and stop focusing on what has already happened.

Overall, it is best to focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place. Do not focus on the circumstances that already have happened in the past, but also do not focus on how they will affect the future. All we have is the here and the now, and the “right” person will come when you become mindful of yourself and your presence.

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About the Creator

Nicole Kenney

College Senior in Media Communications and Aspiring Freelance Writer

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