The Tongue is Like a Knife

On October 10, 2012, a fifteen year old girl succumbed to depression after months after being bullied. Amanda Todd attended CABE Secondary school in Coquitlam, British Columbia, and remains one of the most well-known victims of cyberbullying in the twenty first century. Her death sparked controversy for a short time before it was forgotten about like anything else. Some people reckon it's better to ignore than to speak up about injustice. The thing is, to ignore is to be complacent.

In 2007, I was a seventh grade student at a Canadian junior high. Teenagehood is a hell of a battle for anyone on its own, and I know this better than anyone. In junior high, I struggled to make friends and to believe in myself, which lead me to do just about anything to be accepted by my peers. I was different, the weird girl who stimmed in class and didn't speak. I had a friend in seventh grade, a fellow church-goer who turned out to not be a friend at all. At the time, there was nobody else. At the time, I was completely friendless and vulnerable when left alone.

In 2012, the National Association of People Against Bullying was founded in the United States. Though it has been highly praised and rewarded in the state of California, it takes more than an anti-bullying movement to make a change. The problem is, bullying usually starts at home. We cannot make a difference without first acknowledging the underlying issues, and addressing the older generations.

When I was in seventh grade, I didn't consider myself a victim. She was my friend, I was gullible and socially stunted, participating in behaviours just to keep my friends. When I'd make a new friend, my bully would threaten them away. It's about power, control, because feeling stronger than another makes a bully less of a victim. I often wondered what sorts of things occurred in her home life that made her so miserable and manipulative. It doesn't matter anymore.

Making a change starts with just one person. Though it's easier to comply than to argue, to participate than to stand out, we cannot change the world by following in the footsteps of those who are below us. As a teenager, I was bullied not only by my peers, but by my family as well. They say sticks and stones break my bones. In 1923, Rudyard Kipling said words are the most powerful drug used by mankind. They can be addictive, devastating, and comforting all at once.

As a parent, I've become much more aware of the effects of my words. I was damaged by the words of my parents, which still echoed in my head for years after they ever touched my ears. As a parent, I've become much more invested in the words of my son's classmates and his family, and his parents. A couple of years ago, he was told by his father that he would get bullied for dressing the way he did. A couple of years ago, and he still holds this fear. Words can be unforgettable and life-changing, not always in a good way. But it's easy to speak without thinking, and it's very hard to undo years of damage.

I wish to be an advocate for bullying: bullying by strangers, classmates, friends, loved ones. As an adult, I remain susceptible to it simply by being autistic, or by attempting to abolish gender roles in my son's generation. I was born in the year of Millennials, determined to change the world and responsible for erasing the trauma that came from our ancestors. The thing is: we think we can't be bullied by our families, that they treat us the way they do to shape us, to teach us. When it comes to bullying, this is where the problem stems from. We are responsible for shaping the lives of the younger generations: our childrens' generations. After all, as a wise man once said, you must be change you wish to see in the world.