The Tinder Pool

So, I used to be against online dating before even trying it. I was busy long-distance dating with my boyfriend at the time, so I had zero interest in the matter. I fell into the pool of dating apps like a kid that's been pushed into the water, a month after my boyfriend and I broke up (sad). My girlfriends seemed to be having lots of fun meeting strangers at strange places, so my curiosity about digital love started rising.

One of the things I discovered is that there are A LOT of people in this pool. There are the Fast Swimmers that go from ''Hello'' to ''send me nudes'' (sometimes not even hello). The Regulars, that start a relationship through dating apps and as soon as it is over, they go back into the pool again without considering other ways of approaching people because they already paid for the monthly membership. Also, the Slow Swimmers who take ages before they ask you out or ask you nudes (good). And in the end, you have the ones that don't like to swim but like to look at the people in the pool - such as the ones you match with but they never initiate a conversation or simply leave you in read. For these people swiping is the real sport, not dating. They probably count their matches before they go to sleep to feel better about themselves. lol. (Nothing wrong with that, I know I did it sometimes to mend my broken heart).

Which brings me to the one thing the great majority of people in here have in common: they are all just trying to get over their exes (or to find someone with the same fetiches). Really, whoever is saying that they are only here to ''find friends'' they are LYING. What they are looking for is someone to cuddle (and more) and that you can later block if you didn't like them. (boom!).

I think besides the swimmer classification, there are also two kinds of lifeguards in this pool. By lifeguards I mean the people who take the first step towards an actual date (therefore ''saving the life'' of those who can be shy to ask). Number one is ready for action, coming to rescue you as soon as you start gasping for a bit of air, and number two is going to wait until you are already 5 minutes under the water to come and take you out. I was guard number one. This was the process: I swipe, we match, he texts me or I text him (bonus points if he texts first 'cause french guys rarely ever take the initiative in my experience), we both reply within the first 24 hours, I ask him if he is a dog or a cat person (to guess a bit about their personality and preferences)... if they tell me they don't like animals then there is something wrong there so I unmatch, lol, and he asks me something standard like ''how long have you lived in Paris?'', and then, finally, I am going to ask him to grab a beer with me. Simple. No 36 questions to fall in love, no truth or dare game (although it could be fun). Done. Whereas for Lifeguard número dos, honey, you need to spend weeks texting before they deem you trustworthy. Before you can actually start chatting through Whatsapp, God forbid we do that too soon!! haha... Just ask me if I like animals and make your conclusions already, you don't need to know my both last names and what my mother does for a living.

I don't know about you, but I am not a great texter. I prefer talking, that's why I tend to ask a guy out very fast because I want him to tell me about himself, himself... I mean, not through a phone. But some people here (must be the slow swimmers) are drowning and they need a lot of attention. As soon as they see you online on Whatsapp, he/she is going to start some small talk about your day and what you are doing, but when you don't respond right away because you are ACTUALLY doing something at the moment, there are two outcomes for these swimmers: they shoot you with ''are you there?'' , ''I know, you are there'', ''are you busy?'', ''ah no, you're just busy to talk to me'' and so on until you end up feeling bad about blocking them but in the end, you know it was a good decision, and you go back to swiping or to talk to your other matches.

It is like the elephant in the room once you get to go on a date with one of your matches. You and him/her are wondering ''how many others are there?'' That's when you realize this is the Olympics. The competition is ON, bro! Put on your best bikini girl 'cause you ain't alone! I think this is one of the reasons why online dating is emotionally exhausting because if there is one sure thing, is that you are not the only one, and the odds of people getting off the apps after they have started a relationship are slim because you just happen to like the attention.

And also the surprises you get once you meet your match for the first time! You can be easily catfished. Mark my words, those black and white/sepia filters are a trap. There are lots of profiles with old pics, but this doesn't mean you should judge the book by the cover because I have met some people that aren't photogenic at all, but in person, they were fine male specimens. haha. Just be careful with those filters and you won't have anything to worry about. UNLESS!, the problem is not about the picture, but the texting. I've been to dates with guys that were very funny and interesting by text, but during an actual date, they were quiet and indifferent. This we can never really be sure how a person is before we meet them because even through a video call (and there are very few people who want to do that before the first date) you can't really feel the chemistry and how your match behaves in a different environment.

I am not saying this pool is full of pipi, and people wearing t-shirts with their swimming suits... I have met some wonderful people, that were both lovely through the phone and the dates. People that were there along the way to encourage me, to make me laugh, to teach me something. People I would have never met if not for a dating app, and that we have remained friends even if that was not the first intention. There are probably many successful love stories that were born in this pool (that sounds wrong haha), but I guess, for me, a key factor in a relationship is the mystery. Dating apps don't have the mystery option, because if you don't write anything in your bio you can be perceived as scary or weird (maybe for some just lazy or not into describing one's self, but then again you should know how to describe yourself as an adult, so still scary or weird), but if you write too much then there is not much food left on the hook if you know what I mean.

In the end, what does dating even mean? According to Siri, ''it is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple''. I think that as long as you find a balance between digital and real-life flirting, you will be able to enjoy the pool, live wonderful (and some not so wonderful) experiences, make the most of it and then get back to the real world once you find the confidence. But if you like the pool, just stay. I guess the water is nice.