The Taurus in Me

"It's all a load of crap!" I said as Molly and Aaron laughed at me. In my head I counted to ten...then to fifty...then to one hundred. Once lost, composure was hard for me to find again. It had been that way my entire life.

"Typical Taurus," said Molly. "So stubborn, can't ever just go with the flow."

"Oh, do you mean I try not doing things the wrong way? Or that I don’t drag them out so they take twice as long to finish and we can move on sooner? And what's that smell?" I asked, feeling my eyes water.

We were sitting in Molly's living room, which she referred to as her "Altar of Peace and Tranquility." Plum silk curtains blocked out the sunshine, and the room was only lit by thick white candles and tea lights. I could hardly see a thing.

On every shelf there were crystals of all shapes and sizes, singing bowls, incense holders, tarot cards, and gemstones. Dreamcatchers, wind chimes, and paper lanterns hung from the ceiling.

"She's burning incense," said Aaron. "I think it's Sandalwood this time."

"How many of those things did you light Molly? My eyes are burning, can we crack open a window at least? And maybe switch on a light-bulb so we don't go blind?"

I liked Molly and Aaron, I really did. Molly and I had been lifelong best friends. She and Aaron had started dating at the beginning of college, and I thought he was a great guy too. I could hang out with them for hours and really have a wonderful time. But when it came to group assignments they drove me up one wall and down the other. And unfortunately for me our evolutionary biology professor was a die-hard fan of the group assignment.

"Did you know that of all the zodiac signs Taurus is the wettest of wet blankets?" asked Molly. Aaron laughed so hard he sprayed a sip of iced tea all over the coffee table.

I sighed. "I told you, that's all crap. Your destiny and personality traits are not determined by a random collection of stars that exist hundreds of millions of miles away. Now can we please buckle down and at least split the work load between us so I'll be able to sleep tonight? I can do a biography of Darwin that covers his theory, and then we can move on to Mendel and further developments down the road. We can finish with a few examples of evolutionary research papers published in modern times and what those papers mean for science. I'm thinking medical research like gene therapy is pretty important."

"Ma'am! Yes ma'am!" Aaron snapped off a salute. Molly snorted. "That's a great idea, and we have all of three weeks left to get it done! You can't sit there and tell me astrology is crap when you're the textbook definition of a Taurus. Remember that time at summer camp when we were eight? You literally refused to go on that nature hike and had to sit in the office for three hours while the rest of us had fun."

"Really?!" Aaron said. He sounded delighted. "It goes back that far, huh?"

"That's not how I remember it. What I remember is the camp being run by absolute morons who had no clue what they were doing. And out of everybody in the camp, who didn't end up with a rash from poison oak? That would be me! You literally had me sit up all night with you because you thought it was fatal."

"Okay, how about the time you yelled at Simon Babcock for pranking you that summer we were thirteen? It was just a harmless prank and you laid into him so bad I thought he was genuinely going to start crying. That's what happens when the bull sees red."

I sighed. I was getting tired of this conversation fast. That's what I hate most about being a Taurus; it's always you're stubborn or you have a short fuse, which translates to "you're unpredictably mean." I don't like thinking of myself as mean...but sometimes I wonder how many people see me that way. And then I just hurt.

"He was going around my newspaper route stealing papers, throwing them away, or cutting them up and leaving a mess on people's front lawns. He wrote "Fuck You, You Old Bitch" on Mrs. Harriett's paper and she called my boss and had me fired. My mom was laid off from work, Molly, and that was one of the few jobs a kid my age could have. I needed that job. When I lost it I got the added pleasure of watching my mother break down and cry. If that's your definition of a harmless prank..."

I didn't know how to finish my thought. Surely, I hadn’t overreacted. How could any sane person keep their cool, watching their mother cry over the loss of sixty bucks a week? Knowing there was little enough to eat at home, and now there would be even less. Was I a monster? Is that what being a Taurus was? Was it being some raging beast that went berserk over the slightest provocation? Was that me?

“That’s a horrible thing to do to someone,” said Aaron. “If it had been me I’d have punched that kid right in his snotty nose.”

“Okay, then…what about the time-“

“No.” I said. I’d had enough. Maybe it was too painful listening to what she really thought of me. I couldn’t believe she was still my friend; she made it sound like I was a chore to be around.

“No more stories. Look, I have a lit paper due Thursday and two interviews to prepare for. Can we please get to work now so I can go home?”

Don’t you dare cry, I willed myself. I think Molly heard it in my voice. She gave me a strange look and then dropped it. Two hours later and I was home free.

At about ten that night I was sitting in bed when my cellphone rang. “Hey,” she said. “Check your email. Aaron and I sent you what we’ve got so far. Look it over and let us know what you think. It’s not too late to make changes.”

“Will do, thanks” I said, ready to hang up.

“One more thing before you go,” she said.

“Yes Molly?” I asked.

“The story I was going to share with Aaron this afternoon. It was about our senior year. Do you remember it?” I did. It had not been fun.

“Hannah Sinclair told all the girls in our grade that I tried to steal her boyfriend. I didn’t, but it didn’t matter. The other girls all started shunning me; I didn’t know they could be that cruel. Everyone did it. Everyone except you. I heard she even tried to bribe you to ditch me-“

She had. A pair of Justin Timberlake concert tickets and a free pass to sit at the “cool kids” table during lunch until graduation.

“But you didn’t go for it. Not even when they started going at you too. You just put up with all their crap right along side me. So you see, you are a textbook Taurus.”

“How so?” I asked.

“You’re a genuine person, and loyal to the core.”

That night I fell asleep smiling. Before I nodded off I remember thinking to myself maybe astrology isn’t such a load of crap after all.