The Sorting Hat

Kayla joined the group for singles over thirty from her area, on one of the recommended online dating websites. She then attended one of their posted events at a local bar. Amongst the other ladies that showed up, there were eleven men in the group that had also come out. Apparently and sadly that was a good turnout, despite the dating website showcasing four hundred lonely members from this area.

The sorting hat from those famous books popped into Kayla’s mind as she witnessed various members checking each other out and slithering towards each other. Aided by copious alcohol intake, the men were bold with women they wanted to have sex with. The women, also armed with liquid courage, flirted profusely with only those men seeming to have the ability to assist them financially. The natural order of life was alive and well, in this group of emotionally damaged individuals.

After the event, everyone raced home to brag on the dating website to all of the group members that didn’t come out, about what a great time they missed. The couples that Kayla’s imaginary sorting hat brought together had already arranged to meet again, privately.

Before long, those relationships were consummated and financial matters were discussed. These secrets were kept from the rest of the group and both parties retained their single status on the dating website. No one wanted to close their accounts on the dating website yet, in case the sorting hat was wrong. The truth was, that unless the sun, the moon, the stars and the planets all aligned perfectly, the sorting hat would be busy again at the next event…and quite likely be wrong again.

In the web of lies that is the modern dating world, occasionally a compatible, happy couple was created. They would bid farewell to their connections on the dating website, citing their newly found true love. It warmed Kayla’s heart to see those posts. From her experience though it would only be a matter of time and she would see their mugs on another dating website again.

Kayla continued going to the events posted on the dating website. She soon realized that the sorting hat never coupled her with anybody. She decided this must be so, because it was her hat. She was always so busy watching it in action, coupling other people at the events! She wasn’t willing to give up the hat but she did want to bid farewell to the dating website at some point. Something needed to be done about this!

She trolled the contenders in her single’s group again, hopeful that someone with awesomeness would catch her eye or capture her spirit. It didn’t occur to her that she could not escape the hat. Before very long she noticed the man her hat coupled her with. She reached out to him through the app. He quickly responded. He was bold with her because he wanted sex. She flirted profusely with him because he seemed to have the ability to assist her financially.

They agreed to meet on Friday night, in the lounge at the local steakhouse. He said his name was Harold and if drinks went well, he would buy them dinner there. Kayla was excited all week about her upcoming date. She posted her phone number for him, in the dating app, and he dutifully telephoned her every evening. They chatted for hours, having a lot in common and getting along fabulously.

On Friday evening Kayla drove down to the steakhouse to meet Harold. She went into the lounge and looked around to see if he was there already. She spotted him, waving her over to a table in the corner of the lounge. He had a beer on the table in front of him. He stood up and gave her an awkward hug. He asked her what she would like to drink and then went to the bar to get her the glass of merlot she ordered.

You are probably expecting a happy, ever after ending here. It’s an imaginary sorting hat, silly, from the fantastical, famous stories! The hat was wrong again. Kayla continued going to the events the dating website posted.