It’s 2 AM and my breathing is starting to pick up. Am I panicking? Am I fighting for too much right now? Maybe the world around me is caving in, I can hear my heartbeat, and I don’t doubt that wherever you are, you can hear it too. You’re outside, you’re across the house, you’re in the other room, you’re across the counter. You inch closer and closer, my breathing gets deeper, suddenly there is a pit in my stomach. Am I going to puke, maybe it’s from the alcohol?
I graze down the steps in the blur of time. The world is moving slower as I creep down the steps to the basement, there are lights, laughter, music, but I feel lost in my thoughts the more I think about you. It’s loud down here, life is moving at the speed of light, I feel your hand on my leg as I realize I have been sitting beside you for far too long. There it is again, the racing of my heart, I know you can feel it rushing through my veins as I look in your eyes, I am pulling away from the urge to kiss you, it’s taking me over. Kiss me. Kiss me now.
I divert my direction to my friends upstairs, I need a drink. I float up the stairs as if I levitated, I had to get away from you, though I wanted you closer. I can’t act sane around you, nothing makes sense. The world slows and my thoughts twist. Why do you have this supernatural effect against my body?
As more people flood upstairs, I suddenly feel your breath on my neck behind me, I know it’s you without even turning around. You are different, you terrify me, and I crave the adrenaline that runs through me when you’re around. I begin to keep myself busy, I can’t be alone with you, I don’t know what I’ll do, but I know we both want whatever that is. I keep myself busy to save us from the lust creeping in. I clean this stranger’s house, I put people to bed, I drink, I drink again, and then again.
I need you, now. I make it obvious that I want you to follow me back downstairs. Am I crazy? Probably, but I don’t care because I need you. All of you. I am pacing back and forth wondering if I should call a ride, maybe I should leave. But I really want to stay. What if I am crazy, maybe I am in love? What if you don’t come, here come the thoughts. I feel them racing through my mind like a NASCAR race, each one coming by faster and faster. Then they stop.
I feel your hand on my back, and there is the breath against my neck again. Your hand slides lower, your hand is against mine. I have never wanted you more than I do right now. You twist me around by my wrist and immediately touch my back again. Your eyes, your lips. Your eyes, your lips. Kiss me, I am begging you. You kiss me, I need you. All my thoughts stop, it’s just you. It’s just you and me. Maybe that’s why I feel so calm, but why was I so nervous. You pick me up and grab my neck, I grab your arm and hope this is going where I want it to go. I feel a wall behind me as you put me down, and grab my face. You are everything I need. Take me.
It’s you. You are the adrenaline running through my veins, the spark at my lips, and the silence of my thoughts. You are bad for me in every good way. Your hands are soft against me, but you reek of lust. People say nothing good happens after 2 AM, well no one has ever seen the shadows of us.
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Peanuts and Crackerjack
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