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The Sex Industry Can Tell You Why So Many Men Are Single

Viable solutions for the single man who is interested in dating.

By Mona LazarPublished 6 months ago 7 min read
The Sex Industry Can Tell You Why So Many Men Are Single
Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash

I used to be a dating coach who also worked as a trainer in a camming studio.

I talked to thousands of men about everything: mind-blowing sex, having to appear tough when you’re breaking apart inside, success, and how deeply ingrained it is in the male’s sense of self-worth, and women, women, and, again, women!

From men that were seeking my council in one-to-one sessions, to men who were soliciting the sexual and comforting services of cam girls, they all have the same dilemmas:

What do women want? How can I get one? Or 3? What am I doing wrong? Am I enough? How can I give her pleasure? Why did she leave me?

Here are some of the most common mistakes that keep men single:

1. Men have no idea how to talk to women.

Which is sad. Because as a man, you learn such skills from your parents, mainly your dad. This just goes to say there are a lot of people lacking parenting skills out there.

What men do is try to impress women with the most inane of things.

While the women in the camming industry are trained (in this case by me) to deal with subpar attitudes, because that’s their job, a woman in the real world has no reason to put up with a man who has no idea how to treat her.

Since in this case the conversation between the 2 is happening online and men are protected by the anonymity of the internet, they can say more than they would face to face.

But they always choose the same 2 things:

First on the list is always (and I mean always) how big their thing is. All the girls know it’s not big and even if it were, they don’t want to hear about it.

It’s not something to lead a conversation with. Or end a conversation with. It’s not something to ever converse about. Period.

They continue with paying the girls countless compliments, starting from their toes and ending with the last strand of hair. If they missed something along the way, they come back for it.

They compliment so hard you’d think those girls could pay their bills with words.

Nothing must remain uncomplimented and that’s happening for minutes on end.

Which sucks, because that’s no conversation at all. It doesn’t create connection, intimacy, or rapport. The girls smile nicely and wait for it to be over.

One or 2 thought-out compliments are welcomed and appreciated, anything more than that is overkill and it feels fake.

2. Men are scared of women.

A sad truth that I also discovered in my relationship coaching sessions: a lot of men are deeply afraid of women.

They hold onto their every word and opinion and are crushed if a woman they care for rejects them in the slightest way.

That brings us back to the parenting issue. If a little boy experienced a mother who was forever critical, hard to please, or generally unhappy, the child will develop a fear of anything female, at the same time craving women’s appreciation and praise.

As that’s difficult to get unless you’re in a parent-child relationship, any mistake they make and are reprimanded for makes them turn defensive and they expect to be coddled.

Which is happening less and less in the real world. And it’s unnecessary.

Because there is 0 reason to live your life according to women’s appreciation. They don’t make you or break you, you are your own person.

3. They don’t know how a woman’s body works.

While the largest percentage of men are aware that women take longer to orgasm than men, they also have no idea how the whole thing works.

It’s pretty much like knowing that a train runs on electricity, but you can’t make it go anywhere.

Camgirls already know that one of men’s greatest pleasures is seeing women receive pleasure and bringing them to orgasm. Unfortunately, they don’t know how to do that.

They imagine that female bodies function the same as male bodies, it just takes women longer to get there. Nope.

A woman’s orgasm is coordinated by a lot of factors, but to make things easier, we can reduce it to the 2 major pleasure centers that most women won’t orgasm without.

· the brain

Without emotional stimulation, it usually doesn’t work to get her there.

Example: if she’s been slaving around the house all day and her man was busy belching the alphabet in front of the tv, chances are she’s not going to enjoy his touch later on, no matter how skillful. Believe it or not, women are not into belching. Or slavery.

· the clitoris

81.6% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone (without additional clit stimulation). Only 18.4% of women report that intercourse alone is sufficient to orgasm.

4. Men have no idea what women want.

Men are at a crossroads and it’s understandable. They no longer know what women want and it’s understandable because women are at a crossroads too.

Never before have women had the amount of power that they have today and that changes their position and role in relationships. The roles are no longer predetermined, so it’s left to everyone to determine what it is they really want.

That’s no easy task for anybody.

On the one hand, you have the traditional woman who wants marriage, children, and a man to provide for her.

But you have more and more women who no longer need a man to provide for them because now they have a chance to do that on their own. So they actually want love. Imagine that!

They want the love without the providing. Mutual understanding, mutual respect, open communication, and healthy emotional connection.

There are also those who want to live their life without a partner, those who want to be in polygamous relationships, and a million other possibilities.

This current societal structure is a huge part of what makes it so difficult for men and women to get together.

When there are countless options, it’s much more difficult to make 2 parts match than if you only had 2 options that you had to conform to because you had no other choice.

So what are men supposed to do? Something they’re not the best at (yet): listen to what women have to say.

This brings us to the next point.

5. Men don’t listen to women.

The great majority of men don’t listen to women, even when the issue they want to find out about is something about women.

I write a lot of articles on dating and relationships and the majority of them are directed at helping men have a more satisfying love life.

Men oppose that with a vengeance! Whatever I tell them about women, they will reject it like I’m trying to brainwash them into giving me their life savings.

I’m being told the same by a friend of mine who has a Ph.D. in Psychology, with a specialty on the Psychology of Family, Couples, and Relationships.

She constantly sees men on her couch asking for relationship advice, disregarding it because they don’t believe women want she says they do, and then crying their eyes out on the same couch when it’s too late for reparations.

On the other hand, men have no problem listening to the advice of pick-up artists and toxic bros who see women as commodities and advise other men to treat them badly.

They invariably end up alone, because that advice doesn’t work.

The solution: get closer to women. Your mother, your sister, your female friends, your lover, your wife. Treat them like any other human being and wait for nothing in return. That’s how you gain their trust.

Once you do, ask them what they want. And see if you want to give them that. Maybe you don’t and that’s ok.

But believe them when they tell you. Don’t just imagine they don’t know or they would only say the right things. If they were to say the right thing, they would say something you want to hear, not something you oppose.

6. Men think it’s all about the looks.

Because men are highly visual creatures, they imagine women are the same and often feel shorthanded if they’re not an Adonis type of guy.

Part of it is true. Women are visually stimulated by a tall dark and handsome pick your jaw off the floor model-type man.

But it’s not one of the top conditions. It’s nothing more than a preference. If it was an eliminatory condition you wouldn’t see so many women happily married or in relationships to average Joe’s nail-biting accountant-type guys.

For women, behavior trumps looks almost every time.

Yes, guys, you have a better chance at one-night stands if you’re good-looking. But you have a better chance at relationships if you’re confident, attentive, and emotionally stable.

So, if you’re looking for a hot and flaming one-night stand, it’s time to hit the gym.

If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, it’s time to hit the therapist(’s office.)

If you do both, you’ll be a king among men.

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