The Secret to Finding True Love.

by Bella Banks 15 days ago in love

Is there really a secret to finding true love? (A female perspective)

The Secret to Finding True Love.
Photo Credit: timesofindia.com

The Secret to Finding True Love

Sometimes in life, we go through certain experiences, that make us stronger and more appreciative of the good things that lie ahead when they eventually happen.

Like every other woman, I have had my fair share of up's and down's in life, However, a few secrets have kept me going especially where relationships are concerned, and until I discovered these secrets, I put myself through a lot of unnecessary emotional stress and turmoil.

As a young teenage girl, like alot of teenage girls, I grew up believing that one day, I would find my Prince Charming, He will sweep me off my feet and take me away to his massive mansion on his private jet like good ol Cinderella bla bla bla .....lol! Oh Boy was I up for a few surprises as I grew older! Phew! In fact the older I got, the more it became apparent that this teenage dream of mine was nothing more than a big fat fantasy! Lol

I realized that my childhood prince charming dreams were nothing more than a fantasy and the real world, operates by a completely different set of rules. #realitycheck1! I also realized that the rules the world operates by are completely different from that which the Disney cartoons I watched as a child made me believe. 😭

Now back to the real world.

Firstly, here’s where I believe alot of us ladies get it twisted. A lot of ladies have this idea that we have to find a Man that will love and cherish us for the rest of our lives, when in reality all we really have to do is make ourselves 'lovable' whilst proactively physically/virtually positioning ourselves and love will find us.

But, how do I make myself lovable, I hear you ask? The only way to become lovable is to invest in what I call your self-love account.

Everyone has a self-love account, but not everyone invests/deposits into it. The importance of investing in your self-love account cannot be over-emphasised! This is because the value of your SELF-LOVE account is directly proportional to the value of your SELF-WORTH account.

If you do not know your worth, you cannot love yourself, which in return makes you UN-Lovable. It all starts with Self-Love!

SELF-LOVE is the new GOLD!

We need to realise, it’s the love we have for ourselves that make us lovable to others!

We ladies have to make ourselves 'Lovable' to be found. We have to focus more on the beauty on the inside and less on external & material things.

In essence, I believe Guys should improve themselves and do the searching, whilst Ladies focus our energies and attention on making ourselves 'Findable' by falling in love with ourselves. This means preparing ourselves to be found, working on our personality, our passions, taking time to really find and be the best version of ourselves, learning new skills, educating ourselves and proactively positioning ourselves by physically or virtually seeking out forums, events etc where we can meet people of like minds etc.

The problem is a lot of young women are going about this the complete opposite way. Rather than positioning ourselves to be found by the right partner, we embark upon actively searching for them. We shift our energy and focus from investing in our self-love and care to actively searching for a partner.

The downside of this role reversal is; whilst we might succeed in eventually finding the ‘right man/partner’ for us; we more often than not, end up losing him because we did not prepare for him. And by this I mean, our self-love account is in the negative rather than in the positive.

"RIGHT MAN/PARTNER" + UNPREPARED "RIGHT WOMAN" = DIVORCE/BREAK-UP (And vice-versa)

The equation above is scarily true and unfortunately the reality for a lot of relationships these days.There is something really attractive and appealing about a lady who is fully and totally in love with herself. She is quietly confident/self-assured and fully aware of her worth. This makes her an asset to any relationship rather than a liability.

A lot of Ladies invest a lot of time hunting down 'Mr Right' only to end up losing him because they were unprepared for him . This is why so many young women today are in a dilemma. They just can’t understand why their relationships never work-out and why they keep having one failed relationship after the other. The answer is simple: You simply have not prepared yourself for the right guy/partner.

One thing is sure, if you change your focus from looking for the right guy/partner to preparing yourself to be the right guys 'Right Lady' , you will not only be found by the right guy, but most importantly you will be prepared for him , when he finds you.

Moving on, the 2nd reason why lots of ladies struggle when it comes to finding the right one is this; We ladies love to panic! I mean, we can panic for Europe + Asia at the same time! This is a known fact. A lot of the time, once a young lady starts to advance in age, we start to fret, we start to panic, and we start to wonder if we will ever meet the right man/partner for us.

Now here's the thing, this stage of our lives which I’m sure a lot of ladies can relate to, is the stage I call the ''Panicky Stage'' it has to do with young ladies approaching a certain age, where they believe they should be settled in a relationship/marriage. The problem here is, this panicky stage is where a lot of ladies loose the plot completely. A lot of ladies become desperate at this stage and as much as they try to hide it, it oozes out of every pore of their being, simply because desperation cannot be hidden.

I genuinely believe that a guy/partner can sense desperation from miles away. Even when we think we are doing a good job at hiding it. Another thing about being desperate is, even if you are really good at hiding your desperation with your words, unfortunately your body language will always betray you. Damn you 'Body Language'! lol!

Here’s my 2cents:

- Until you focus on falling in love with your self through and through, whilst also physically & virtually positioning yourself in the right forums, events etc where you can meet like minds.

- Until you make peace with yourself, so much that you say to yourself "No matter how long it takes for the 'right guy/partner' to find me, I will prepare myself and I will wait!

- Until you get to that point where you stop looking for 'quick fix relationships' i.e. someone to keep body and soul together, until 'Mr Right' shows up·

- Until you say to yourself, I would rather wait a few more months, years etc to meet the right guy/partner than date/marry the wrong person, out of desperation, self, peer or societal pressure.

Ladies, until we get to the point where absolutely nothing else (as difficult as it may be) matters, but investing in self-love whilst positioning ourselves to be found by the RIGHT partner', and when I say nothing else I mean; Age, societal pressure, our ticking biological clock, peer pressure, etc....Until we get to that point where we are completely at peace and in love with ourselves - mind, body and soul: Unfortunately we might remain in a vicious cycle of damaging relationships.

In summary, there are 2 keys to finding true love / the right one:

1. Prepare yourself to be found by ‘The One’ and whatever you do, do not settle for less than 'The one'.

2. Stop & Smell the Roses, Stay Calm, Breath... whatever you do, do not stress, do not panic, as this only leads to desperation, which is our greatest enemy remember? Stay calm, and trust that when the time is right, with the right level of preparation on your part, THE RIGHT ONE WILL FIND YOU!

All the very best Ladies... Xoxo

CAVEAT:

I hope you enjoyed reading this piece just as much as I enjoyed writing it. I apologise if you find any of my views above offensive. Please note that the above piece was written purely from a female’s perspective and as a personal opinion. Thank you.

Photo Credit: timesofindia.com

love
Bella Banks
Bella Banks
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Bella Banks

See all posts by Bella Banks