I got back from dropping off my former father-in-law at my exes house, so he can visit with my daughter. Our topic of discussion on the drive over veered toward the same topic it often does when we're together. Why his daughter, my ex, is the way she is and how she is destroying her life while alienating all the good influences around her.
I told him that I find it difficult sometimes coming to terms with deeply loving someone that I do not like as a person, nor do I respect in a lot of ways because of the choices she makes. Our relationship was plagued by her alcoholism, abusive nature, and constant infidelity, and of course, as her father pointed out; no one is ever without any blame in a relationship when it ends. I can concede that my reactions at times could have been better.
What troubles me is a culture that encourages the kind of behavior that leads to a breakdown of the family structure and paints it as something to be demonized. Whether it's a millennial thing, a feminist thing, a chauvinist thing, or an thing; it's a mentality that leads to disaster. The idea that you are entitled to good treatment and unending respect, regardless of your behavior or your actions is the product of immaturity and an uneducated mind... or should I say a wrongly educated mind. A multitude of people out there have undergone years of education in subjects that have no real-life application. At least not any application that is going to help them survive and interact with the rest of society.
While I respect that my ex is the mother of my daughter which garners her the courtesy of me always working with her in our daughter's best interest, and never trash-talking her around my little girl, that is about all the respect she gets. Aside from the respect that comes with her at least attempting to be a decent human being at times. That is where it ends though.
I may respect that it's her life, and she has the right to make the choices that she does, but I do not respect nor do I need to respect the choices themselves.
Then displaying destructive treatment of those that try to help you, no matter how much you hurt them, is unacceptable. It's the product of a childhood filled with abuse of one kind or another, or all the above depending on your story, but it's one part of your story and you always have the power to change the future of it.
She asked me one time, why I thought she is the way she is and I told her that I didn't believe she had the life blueprint from her upbringing to show her how to be a better person. I told her that together we could find a better way and between our collective life experiences, we could make a pretty terrific partnership. These stories end though, at least the first time around; that is if you're lucky enough to see your loved one come back into the light. Who knows if that's the case here.
She surrounds herself with the proverbial in the punch bowl; drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts, and all-around garbage individuals. Not to say that some of them aren't good, but those in your life that are filled with light and try to shine it on you, do no good when you choose to swim with the diarrhea people. When you surround yourself with toxic trash they will always make you fear happiness and a good life because they fill your head with the lie that despair is all that is real. IT'S NOT!
I pray for her and I pray for anyone else that reads this, that may be going through what she is. There's a better life, and I guarantee if you start cutting ties with the toxic people the good ones will reemerge. Most times, they never left, you had blinders on.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! If you like it, please show me some love. share with friends.