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The Psychology of Tinder: Women and Men Want Very Different Things From the App

by Mona Lazar 3 months ago in dating
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Spoiler alert: only women get them.

The Psychology of Tinder: Women and Men Want Very Different Things From the App
Photo by Crew on Unsplash

Tinder — swiping left on your hopes and dreams since 2012.

Did the app name make you cringe or put a smile on your face?

Or is it this magical app that you’ve been waiting for your whole life and only now the gods of technology have smiled upon you and brought you this marvelous combo of sex, love, and wonderful interaction?

Well, that all depends on what you’re in the game for.

What’s easy for some can get very difficult very fast for others.

So why do men and women use Tinder?

For different reasons, of course.

Men are in the game for casual sex. That wasn’t difficult to guess. Men make an account on Tinder in the hopes of getting some fast sex, first date sex, no committeemen sex.

No judgment here. The heart (or penis) wants what it wants. Period.

No generalization either. There are of course a few men who make an account on Tinder to find love.

But we’re talking numbers here, people. Guys go on Tinder to hook up.

Do they get their wish? Hell NO!

Unless you’re the male model Adonis type of guy, with perfectly sculpted pecs, concrete-hard buttocks, and a smile that makes fruit instantly ripen and drop from trees right into your mouth, you won’t get anything more than crickets from your female counterparts.

Or in some cases rejection and bored eye rolls, but I know you’re not in the game for that.

How about women? What are they doing on Tinder?

A. Do they also want to hook up?

B. To find love?

C. To showcase the tightest yoga pants ever invented?

Please answer this multiple choice in your head before you read any further.

If you answered option A — to hook up, you probably need a bit more research into female psychology. Don’t worry, research never killed anybody, unless they were studying the inside of active volcanoes.

Your game will improve immensely the more research you do.

If you answered B — women go on Tinder to find love, you’re also wrong because most women know there’s no love on Tinder and men are there to hook up. They know it. Not fooling anybody.

Surprisingly, if you answered the yoga pants option, you are closer than the rest!

Wait, what? Why would women care?

I’ll tell you why.

Just like men, women are insecure. After centuries of conditioning to be cute, sweet, not talk too much and lead with their physical assets, that’s what they do.

Of course, things are slowly changing, but what was programmed in thousands of years will not change in 10.

So what are women doing on Tinder?

Getting validation! Countless men are swiping right on their profiles and the female ego is satisfied.

Is that the only way women could get that? Of course not. But it’s the easiest.

Why get all dressed up day after day to get some validation when you can easily plaster some photos on Tinder and there you have it, right swipes all day long?

Does that mean the women are not interested in sex or love? Of course not. They are, but they are also aware that it’s not very easy to get them on Tinder. So they use it for what they can get from it.

Women are aware that:

  • men are on Tinder for casual sex
  • men swipe right on almost all profiles so they can get as many matches as possible

So why wouldn’t women go for sex if they also want it?

Because, guys, women can choose. They have a huge variety to pick from. They are constantly bombarded with male desire. DMs, dick picks, leering looks, right swipes. They have all the sexual attention they could ever want. So they can afford to be picky.

And since dating apps, they can be even pickier. They can choose the Adonis from a sea of ordinary-looking men. With the help of Tinder, they have access to him.

Yes, gentlemen! Women are not on Tinder to hook up with you. They’re on Tinder for their ego. Or shall we call it their insecurity?

It doesn’t matter, what matters is the result. Which is this:

  • women go to Tinder and get what they want (validation).
  • men go to Tinder and don’t get what they want (casual sex).
  • In the long run, however, nobody truly gets what they want.

Digging just one step further than the need for validation and casual sex, women as well as men, are looking for genuine connection, true love, being seen and understood, spending meaningful moments together, the ability to be themselves and be accepted as they are.

Does Tinder offer that? Rarely.


About the author

Mona Lazar

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