The Princess and The Pandemic

First, I would like to start off by saying that yes, I understand that the pandemic is here and there is not much that we can do except follow protocol and let it run its course. I am by no means diminishing any of the efforts made by the frontline workers who are dealing with the impact of this virus daily. Nor am I diminishing the impact this virus is having on the unfortunate people who have contracted it. I have always had and will always have the utmost respect for frontline workers. I do my part to not catch or spread the virus the same as I always have with even the common flu.

A couple of weeks ago we made the move from the East Coast to the West Coast for work reasons and the trip was not a pleasant one. We have made the same drive before and always met it with a sense of excitement, a new beginning. This trip was going to be the one that broke us, it broke our soul in a sense that we were faced with the reality that our life is no longer controlled by us, by the end we never wanted to experience that again. When we arrived in Alberta, I was feeling incredibly angry at the state of the world and I thought it was best to let myself reflect for awhile before writing about my experiences during our four days driving through each province. Words said in anger are not usually the most precise, nor the kindest.

We left Nova Scotia on a Sunday afternoon and by that time we were exhausted from packing but starting to feel excited at new beginnings. It only took a few hours before that excitement started to turn into fear of the unknown. As we approached the border going into New Brunswick, we saw security shacks set up and guards stopping every vehicle. We came up to the guard with all our paperwork ready to show that we were moving. This would be essential travel so we assumed that we would be fine. However, we were asked for a registration number that neither of us had. Here we are with everything we own in a uhaul attached to the truck, being pulled over to the side of the road to fill out paperwork. After around thirty minutes of waiting, we had our registration numbers and were let into the province. Not without strict instructions that we were not allowed to stop anywhere except for fuel. When we did stop for fuel, we had to pay at the pump. No coffee, no bathroom breaks, no food etc. basically we were prisoners in our own truck for the time we spent driving through New Brunswick.

I was left with an awfully bad feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering what the rest of the trip would be like. Just hours in and we were made to feel like criminals because we entered a province that we did not belong to. Granted, had we preregistered than it would have made our entry quicker for sure, BUT the same rules would have applied. Free Canadian citizens yet not allowed out of our vehicle in New Brunswick, not even to use the bathroom. I am sure bathroom breaks are essential when travelling.

We were stopped only once more while driving across Canada at the Ontario border and I was surprised that the officers only wanted to know where were coming from, where we were going and why we were travelling. They let us through, gave us directions to the nearest hotel and asked us not to drive tired. Which in my opinion was so much better than what we were faced with before. I understand the need to regulate traffic but do not make people feel like they are in the wrong just because they are trying to live their lives. We were not vacationing, we were moving! And if we were on a vacation, why should it matter if we were following the mask rules etc.? I have never been in trouble with the law before in my life, not even so much as a parking ticket, yet I felt like a common criminal driving through my on country.

The bad feeling never left me though, nearing every border I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach wondering what we would face as we crossed. Why? Because we have been instilled with a fear-based mentality that is being forced on us. I literally felt like I was in a state of constant anxiety wondering if we would be stopped by the police or be told to turn around and go back to the East Coast. If I am willing to wear a mask and use sanitizer etc., should I be made to feel as though I am doing something wrong just by driving across a country where I have always been a “free” citizen?

I have a son in Ontario whom I have not seen since before this pandemic started and legally, even though I wear a mask and do my part to stay safe, I was not allowed to stop and see him on my way through. I felt like the world’s worst mother being so close to my boy and not stopping to hug him tight. He understood as they are on a stay-at-home order but what gives the government the right to tell us we cannot see our kids? If I were sick, the last thing I would be doing is getting near either one of my kids, yet we are not even trusted to keep our loved ones safe. With every kilometer that took me closer to him, my brain did the math as to how close I was and the same after I passed the turnoff that would take me to him, my brain told me how far I was away. How is this right? I struggled to have my two babies and yet I am legally not allowed to see them. I was not supposed to see my mom or my daughter before I left Nova Scotia, but I will be damned if I am driving 5000 kms across the country without hugging them one last time. Because we did not live in the same house, I was not supposed to hug my own family. As it was, I did not visit my grandparents before I left, and chances are I will never get the chance again. Infuriating!

People are being fined for going to vacation homes that they OWN, they are fine for going to church, fined for having more than a certain number of people in their homes. There was a recent post that if you own a home in Nova Scotia but reside elsewhere, you are no longer allowed across the border to vacation in your own home. So, let us take the person who last year bought a retirement home and were waiting to retire before moving. They are now retired, paying for probably two mortgages but cannot sell the home they are in to move because they are not allowed into the province. So, they are draining their retirement fund, trying to stay afloat and what they have worked hard for their entire lives could be taken away from them because they cannot afford to maintain two households. How is that impacting their mental state?

In the beginning they said it would take two weeks to flatten the curve and if we all did our part that it would be over soon. We are now going on over a year and people are still locked up in their own homes. The restrictions keep getting tighter and people are getting more rebellious towards the rules. As will happen when restrictions become too much to bear. You cannot take away peoples right to live, right to make choices and have freedoms without expecting eventual rebellion. You cannot take a once free society and basically lock them up in their own homes. After awhile their own home begins to resemble a cage. Therefore, we are seeing more and more people breaking the “rules”. Even a caged bear loses his temper at some point. You can say all you want that the government is only trying to protect you, but we are being controlled by our own government and people are getting tired of it. At what point is it enough?

The mental state of society is declining, divorce rates are up, people are not dealing well with the isolation at all. Yet the government does not see that, they only focus on the pandemic. Will the declining mental state of the population not add to an already drained healthcare system? Sure, you can walk and exercise, but you can only do it with people who are in your “bubble”. Well, if divorce rates are up, I am sure that would be a pleasant walk. We are not "allowed" to visit friends unless they are in our "bubble". Like divorce rates, I wonder how many good friendships will start to fail because people spend too much time together? Our support systems have been taken from us completely. Depression rates are on the rise, if you have never lived with this illness than be thankful! For people who struggle daily with depression, taking away their right to live life could also take away their will to live. Sadly, we should expect to see an increase in suicide rates if we are not seeing it already.

Children are no longer in school; they are given online learning. And I have heard so many people saying that the lessons they are getting is work they have already completed, or teachers are not getting back to students who have questions. When they finally do get back to classes who knows how far behind in their education they will be. They are also being taught to live in fear at such a young age, what will this look like twenty years from now? What will the long-lasting impact be on their mental health as they grow up in a world where they cannot step out their own front door without a mask on?

Parents who work are trying to figure out how to set up multiple workspaces for each child’s schooling at home and still do their jobs as well. If they are not working from home they are somehow expected to be there when their children are learning to make sure that the work is being done. Parents are tired, they are run off their feet trying to maintain an income and teach children. A job that they have never trained for, yet they know that their babies need an education and this is the only way they can get one right now. They are also faced with the task of making sure that young children are masked up and follow protocols. Which for some is a daily battle, a battle that may lead to a breakdown in relationships between families as they struggle to keep it all together. It is a constant downward spiral that I only see getting worse if we let it.

The economy has taken such a huge hit that I am not sure if it will ever come back. The owners of small businesses have lost their life’s work in the matter of a year and through no fault of their own. They simply cannot survive without the population being allowed out. Financially people are struggling to make ends meet, and this also ties into the decline in the mental health of the population as well. Big companies are feeling the decline in sales, they are scheduling employees for less an less hours because people are only shopping for essentials now.

So many people are not seeing the damage that this is doing to our society as a whole and are following the laws laid into place by the government even if they do not make any sense. For example, two weeks before the lockdown in Nova Scotia, I could visit my mom any time I wanted but in the matter of a day I was no longer allowed to do it. Well, my mom does not leave her house unless she absolutely must. I went to work and followed all the protocols when I went for groceries etc., I had never been at any locations that exposures had happened but still not allowed. They seem to be making up rules as they go along. “Well, that last set of rules didn’t work so let’s try these ones!”

I for one, am over it. I will wear my mask when I go out, will probably get the vaccine eventually, but I will not stop living my life because of this. I value my mental health more than that. I will trust that the few people I do see are healthy, should I not be able to make the choice to have them around me? I will continue to spend time outside and enjoy my days. I will not let fear rule how I live my life. I understand that this will not be the popular opinion of the general masses, but I am glad that I am not part of the pack who is following blindly along accepting their fate. I will not waste my life based on a fear. As I write this my anger flares up again and I know I face backlash from people who do not agree with me but we are all entitled to our own beliefs. Mine just happen to be different from yours and that is ok because we live in a "free" world.