THE PERFECT MAN...A DELUSION

THE PERFECT MAN… A DELUSION

It is 7:30 pm cooking my favorite meal, steak and mashed potatoes. I reminisce about this boy whose text messages had me laughing out loud by myself, whose kisses kept me awake at night, whose words kept replaying in my mind, who got me hooked into old-school love music, who bought me chocolates every day for 365 days, this boy who had me singing in the shower & looking up baby names. This boy who said everything right, this boy who promised me the world. He had big blue eyes, a sexy French accent, loved playing football, was funny & the most handsome man I had ever laid my eyes on. He was my perfect man.

He saw me for me, pursued me intentionally, was a man of his word; made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, loved me, cared for me, and desired me in every way possible. Learnt my love languages, was a good communicator, and remembered every little thing I said. Laughed at all my dry jokes and embraced my insecurities. His love took me by surprise and as they always say, love sneaks up on you when you least expect it

I didn’t see the breakup coming; usually, I’m able to tell when a relationship has run its course. I felt like someone had stabbed me in my heart as I started reading that message and the knife kept turning as I continued reading. This wasn’t what he wanted anymore, it wasn’t me, it was him. He was grateful for the memories we shared but the love story had come to an end.

I cried myself to sleep that night and many more nights after that. I felt physically sick. I could feel my own heart in pieces. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and it took an arm and a leg to get me out of bed. My friends rallied around me to give me support. It was an all-hands-on-deck type of situation. My calls went unanswered and my texts were left on read. How could he do this, break up over text, and then ghost? Was this the type of man that he was? Were there red flags that I ignored? What about every single thing he had ever said to me? What about I will never hurt you? What about us? What about the future we had planned together? The wedding we were going to have in Paris & the two children we were going to have {Sandy and Samuel}. The amazing house we were going to own?

Everything was a lie. He couldn’t even accord me a one-on-one breakup. He couldn’t give me the closure that I desperately wanted and desired. He did not care. He was so indifferent.

A week after the breakup he was already dating someone new. Selling her the same dream he sold me. He had moved on, he didn’t want me; he didn’t want to fight for us. He was onto the next new bombshell. I could bump into them getting coffee, going for dinner dates, all smiles. He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t crying himself to sleep. He wasn’t coming back. He was living his best life. He didn’t feel bad for me.

Was it all a lie? Was this a façade? Had I created the perfect man in my head? Was he even real? In the end, I was mad at myself. I saw what I wanted to see, heard what I wanted to hear, made excuses for him, and in the end, I romanticized another basic boy!

By Lucy Kay