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The Parting Pages for Little Lady

The book find its own purpose.

By Dream SilasPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
6
The Parting Pages for Little Lady
Photo by Maksym Tymchyk on Unsplash

I watched in expectancy and sure heartbreak as he sat at the foot of my bed writing smoothly on the sorry pages of my little black book. The book was filled with cryptic farewells and empty apologies and he, so sadly, was now adding to my disaster of a collection. I continued to pretend to be asleep and tried to focus my watering eyes on his back faced so permanently toward me.

But he sort of blended into the environment as a result of my blurred, tired vision.

It took a lot out of me to just lie there in silence and watch him place the book back in its respective place on my dresser and face toward me for a moment, before walking out of my bedroom and slipping into the distant night, gracefully.

Just like the rest of them.

They were never distasteful in the manner in which they left me. In fact, they were all so sweet and thought it was a good idea to perhaps leave me a note saying goodbye. I actually think it's quite thoughtful and I suppose it's better than leaving me without any explanation at all.

But at this point, I'm struggling to even believe that. Maybe it is actually better to leave without a word. Then there'd be no prolonged suffering on my end.

Reading their words over and over, trying to find some meaning was taking a nasty toll on me.

There's no way to really explain the unfortunate phenomena of my love life. There's no way of telling exactly why every man I love decides to write me an ambiguous parting note in the little journal I keep on my dresser, seemingly out of nowhere.

I guess it's partly my fault for not finding a better use of that little black book fast enough. And so now I suppose it found a use all on its own.

I lied in my bed for several hours until the sun came up; until I actually mustered up enough strength to retrieve that book from my dresser and read the note that Grant had left me.

I felt my heart racing as I used the little ribbon bookmark to open up the book to the page of Grant's note. My tears had hit the page before I could make out what anything said.

Little lady,

Of course I feel terrible to leave you in this way. You're something I wasn't entirely prepared for and I'm sorry I couldn't stay. I will miss you.

~ Grant

I felt that his apology was sincere and even though I hated it, I knew I couldn't be angry at him. I really enjoyed my time with Grant. He was a good person and I really wish him well.

But I feel awful and I don't understand why I am so unloveable.

The worst part about it is that each time it happened I was completely blindsided. I honestly thought things were going great. And this time, I tried to be extra careful with Grant. I was so sure that he and I would last. I didn’t miss a step and I made sure to cross my t’s and dot my i’s and yet...

it didn’t work.

Now I am here alone, again. My eye catches the note before Grant’s on the previous page.

Little Lady,

I'm really sorry. I know this is sudden but please move forward without me.

- Dallas

I skimmed through the other pages mindlessly while playing the scene of all the guys I have ever loved, write in this little black book. The image of all of them began to merge into one in my mind, and I rocked myself to sleep with the thought.

*****

I met a new guy, Evan.

He's really sweet to me. We've been seeing each other for the past 2 years and what can I say... it's been a dream. This is the longest relationship I have ever had and even more, we're engaged. He proposed a few months ago and caught me completely by surprise.

But I said yes

and I am glad I did.

We plan for our wedding to be in the spring and I couldn’t be more excited.

Though he hasn't really been too thrilled to do any wedding planning. He says it's not really his cup of tea to plan such a grand, meaningful event and he’d rather just leave it up to me, my sister, and mother.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Evan come into the bedroom and sit at the edge of the bed. Still very drowsy and lost in thought, I pretend to be asleep. I watch him in curiosity as I see, from the mirror perfectly placed on my wall, that he is writing in a little black book. The book.

I lie in bed and immediately get hit with dozens of flashbacks. I'm almost completely paralyzed at the memory of it all.

I then see him place the little black book back on my dresser and take one quick look at me before waltzing out of my room and out of my apartment.

I feel devastated and lie utterly immobilized in my bed until I hear the distant church bells ringing signifying that it is 12 o clock.

With all the strength I have, I get up and go to my dresser and open up that little familiar black book, wrestling with a more familiar feeling of fear. I haven't opened this book since I read Grant's goodbye note to me two years ago. I used the little black ribbon bookmark to open up to the last page written on; the note from Evan.

Little Lady,

I didn't want to wake you so I decided to write in here instead. For some odd reason I felt strongly compelled to. I know that I haven't really been too active in any of our wedding planning so I decided to contribute in another way. I know you'll plan a beautiful ceremony for us. I love you and I will see you soon.

- Evan

I was confused for a second until I moved the little book in a careless way and out came a little paper drifting to the floor. It was a $20,000 check addressed to me from Evan to plan for our wedding. I glanced at the book one more time and smiled. I suppose this book really does know how to find a use on its own.

I sat back in my bed clenching the book in silence, in relief, in appreciation, and in love.

love
6

About the Creator

Dream Silas

I love to write about love, the beautiful, and the natural world.

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