The online dating jungle...

The digital dating scene. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Some of us, repeatedly.

I, personally, have met some lovely individuals through online dating, and have had some successes. Epic failures as well, of course.

Places where we rely solely on our outward appearance to attract a mate, along with the, perhaps, questionable calibre of a hastily pieced together biography, that may or may not be honest. Who knows, right?

Everything is volunteered, filtered or not, and aired in front of countless strangers for judgement. And WOW! Do they judge? It can be absolutely brutal. Some creatures in this dense jungle are downright, rude- fair warning.

But, you have, willingly, put yourself in the hands of algorithm and fate (if fate is someone’s thumb hovering over the ‘like’ button, and the algorithm is a force powered by coin). You go in with rose tinted spectacles, hopes high and giddy with anticipation.

You could meet: The One!

Or just… One of the many, apparently.

That rosy outlook is quickly eclipsed, when you receive several messages from various members stating just how big an aubergine they’re packing, and what they’d like you to do with it.

“Thank you, I’m flattered.” You reply.

Apparently, suggesting making a nice batch of ratatouille is not the correct avenue for discussion, go figure.

You’re not deterred, though.

They have to be in the minority, right? Not a reflection of the dating pool as a whole- and you are a brave and determined individual.

You’re here for a purpose. (The purpose is certainly NOT making your ex jealous- BUT, they are on this dating site, apparently- oops.)

You set about hacking through the dense undergrowth within dating apps. Wading through undeniably treacherous and murky waters in the search for… Someone. Maybe you have a type, or you just go with the flow, but you start to scroll and to read their written offerings, as scant as they might be.

So, there are some mutual likes popping up, which is exciting, and you start chatting.

Your profile is visited multiple times, but no one appears to linger for more than a few moments, certainly no ‘likes’ in the first few hours of it being up. It’s natural to worry, isn’t it? There’s this weird level of pressure to succeed now you’ve committed to putting a profile up (and a paid subscription). Is it your profile picture? Is it what you’ve written? Oh God… Did I mention that I want kids? Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I wrote too much.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but you are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. That, and due to restrictions in place due to the pandemic- online dating really is essentially like going to a virtual bar or club. Except the person on the other end of the text conversation is probably in their pjs, ‘working from home where they can’.

The dating scene is tough, and definitely not for the faint of heart, especially in the time of Covid-19. Tough is, perhaps, an understatement.

Singletons are faced with so many social obstacles that dating has become a somewhat exhaustive cycle of text conversations, and minimal real connection. Something catches your eye about someone, you press like, you start chatting and before you know it you’re texting on the daily, phone calling sometimes and labelling it as… ‘Dating’.

Easy, right?

Well, no. That’s where the treacherous vines start to wind their way around your ankles.

I personally never thought I’d have to preface any sort of pre-dating conversation by asking:

“Are you single-single? Are you still living with your wife, single?”

Maybe I was just naïve, but- it turns out, that ‘single’ doesn’t actually mean what you think it means. There is a whole other underlying translation for this tiny word that I was only made aware of recently- and it further adds to the cesspool quality of my experience. Single can mean:

- I’m genuinely single (Ideal, duh)

- I’m telling you I’m single but I’m going through mediation for a divorce

- I say ‘single’ but I’m still living with my wife, and we want to try something new

- Single? No, I had an argument with my partner and… Here I am.

- I’m married, but I’m bored

The list goes on.

The longer you’re out there chatting and ‘dating’ people in this tangle of dense undergrowth- the more you worry that… Maybe I won’t find anyone. This is hopeless. Maybe this is just a vicious cycle of paying for a subscription, dating people for a little while, and it fizzling to nothing- rinse and repeat.

Whatever you come up against, however many unsolicited eggplants are thrust into your private messages… Don’t give up. Red flags springing up like daisies? Don’t ignore them. Don’t lose hope. Have faith.

There are countless good and genuine people lost in this ridiculous jungle, just like you.