The Omen of Modern Love

During this era of so-called love, love can be many things. Exhausting, fake and more importantly short lived.I have seen every type of love fail. Relationships and friendship love. This type of love crumbles slowly but oftentimes, it eventually deteriorates. This may make love seem hopeless and draining and it definitely can be. Heartbreak is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. When you get attached and used to a person, you get comfortable with every part of them. This especially happens after you develop a sexual relationship with said person. Now, it is not fair to expect a perfect person or a perfect relationship. Over time, they stop putting in all the hard work. They stop all the romantic gestures like the special dinners and beach picnics and that dance class for couples that you’ve always wanted to take. They’ll stop writing you love letters and sweet nothings when they go on important business trips. They start staying out late more often. They won’t cater to you. All of that sweetness and empty promises fade the farther you get into the relationship. You will eventually start to make sacrifices that you would have never made prior. Relationships are about compromise because truthfully, it is inevitable. And usually, it is uncomfortable at first but when all parties are pouring in the same amount of work and effort, it works. Love is a process. Falling in love, staying in love and maintaining that love. First you fall for their soft and caressing words. The way they pay attention to how you style your hair and how you do your makeup. How your voice gets pitchy and thick like molasses when you’re sad and on the verge of tears. The details they notice about you in the beginning is how they fall in love with you eventually.When you love someone, they become a priority in every sense of the word. Their happiness, wellbeing and every other part of their life. You aren't necessarily in charge of their happiness but you do add to it. You get them their favorite flowers and take them out for dinner. You support them in their endeavors. In this generation, this is the age of the casual hookup. The casual hookup usually means casual sex and no label on the relationship. People date to marry a lot less for many reasons. One of the reasons is fear of commitment. I have noticed that my generation values their freedom more than anything else. Everyone’s concept of love is different and what truly matters is if the relationship fits you. I don't think that a relationship is a trap and if it feels that way, you probably shouldn't be in one. The whole point is having a partner who makes life easier and more enjoyable.

I remember my first love. He had beautiful eyes. We met and instantly became friends. I was scared but intrigued at the same time and so I pursued the relationship. We were both 15 at the time. I had never been in a serious relationship and so all this was new to me. Over the course of a few weeks, we fell madly and deeply in love with each other. The feeling he gave me was inexplicable. When I saw him, the rush of adrenaline that took hold of me was so powerful that it scared me. He was the rainbow in my storm. When I was severely depressed and suicidal, he guided me off that “ledge”. He made me feel like life wouldn’t be life without his warming presence. He was like alcohol. Tempting, all dressed up in its fancy bottle but the contents inside were lethal and addictive. He was a breath of fresh air when I felt like I was suffocating. Needless to say, we were always together. We were best friends and told each other everything about our lives. But that’s where the sweet love story comes to a halt. We didn’t have our own lives. When we became an item, our lives intertwined into one. This was not what led to the demise of our relationship however. I loved that we were open and honest with each other. He himself didn’t seem to have a problem with this either. Despite our pure and unfiltered love for each other, we began to develop close friendships with other people. At the time, I did not agree with them but neither of us were willing to give up the comfort and safety of having other people we were close to in life. Because we did not know how to separate our lives, we didn’t learn how to develop close relationships without getting attached. The biggest problem really was attachment. We began to settle with mediocrity because it had become such a pattern. It was always like it became a routine.We still loved each other very much, we just ignored the feelings we had developed for other people. It may be hard to understand how one person could say that they were in love with one person but also love another person. Since we were not friends for a very long period of time and dove into an extremely serious relationship, it was hard to maintain. We dated for about three to four months before I moved back home. After I moved we stayed in contact for another two months while still keeping up with our other relationships. At this point, we were still very close and seemingly the love was still there. We called each other a lot and facetimed for hours at a time every single day. We talked on and off for three years before I finally called it quits my first year of college. It is very hard to explain how one can be in love with two people at the same time. One person provides something the other person doesn’t and vice versa. The feelings are completely different but equally warming and full of love. Sadly, after our long and confusing relationship, I was completely heartbroken when we stopped talking. Love can’t be long lasting if people fail to put in the work to make it last long. The flame won’t go out unless you neglect the things it needs to burn stronger and longer. Though the relationship was tumultuous, I learned so much about myself and what I really wanted. I also learned what I truly deserved. Love truly is a battlefield but is it one you are willing to go to and through war for?