The Misunderstood Friend

I was at one of my favorite restaurants waiting for my steak to be brought to the table. Anticipation was sitting next to me. At first, he was just tapping his foot. Then, he began to fidget more and more. If the steak hadn’t come when it did, Anticipation would have been jumping up and down on his seat. He finally settled down once the side dishes were placed and the wine glass was refilled.

As I took the first bite and let the perfectly seared sirloin melt in my mouth, Bliss tapped me on my shoulder. I couldn’t answer her. Too many senses were occupied. Contentment, Bliss’ sister, whispered into my ear, “Take a deep breath and enjoy this moment.” I closed my eyes and obeyed.

One time, I was watching a comedic movie that I had seen many times. This silly movie really struck me this particular time. Joy and Happiness grabbed me by both of my hands, pulled me off of my couch, made me put on my running shoes, and pushed me outside. I left Laziness on the couch. Both of them were pointing out so much stuff; the warmth of the sun, the vibrance of the flowers in my neighbor’s yard, and the cheerful chirping of the birds flying overhead. While I was busy walking and absorbing and enjoying, I stopped at a fading hopscotch grid. Kids drew it a few days ago. I caught a glimpse of Contentment kneeling next to one of them.

I stood in front of the first square and Joy said, “Do it!”

“What are you waiting for?” said Happiness

Joy said, “We’ll jump with you!”

“Yeah! Come on!” said Happiness.

No more prodding was needed and I was on one foot then two feet then one foot trying to not step on the lines. That was the rule at five years old. But, my adult feet kept breaking that rule. I didn’t care. Joy and Happiness were giggling in my ears. I was giddy the whole time I tried to avoid the chalk lines until I reached the end. I regained my composure, and continued with my walk. The smile remained for a while, though.

I’ve met Love at various times in my life. The first time that she introduced herself to me, she knocked me over. I was in high school. I was walking down the hall and this girl from my History class walked by. We made eye contact. I tried not to stare, but our eyes were locked onto each other while we kept walking. I walked right into a classroom door that was sitting open. I hit the floor and she and her friends giggled. I looked back and found that she was still looking at me and she had stopped giggling. They turned a corner and disappeared. Love knelt down next to me and said, “We are going to be really good friends.”

She was right about that. Sometimes, she would be around all of the time and all would be right with the world. Sometimes, she would take long leaves of absence. This dichotomy made me wonder, so I had to ask why she would be gone for so long.

“If I were here all of the time, you would not appreciate me,” she said matter of factly. “But, I like that you keep looking for me. It means that you don’t take me for granted and you won’t meet Complacency.”

“Who is Complacency?”

“He’s my cousin. When people become lazy, he will move in without anyone asking. He ends up convincing some that I don’t matter.”

“But, how can anyone say that you don’t matter? You have helped me to see the good in so many people, Love.”

“See, that is why I like you. You get me.”

Yep, I understand Love. She’s my favorite. I understand all of the other emotions, too. Well, I don’t understand Fear. He has been coming around and staying for quite a while. Sometimes I can see him as plain as day, and sometimes I don’t see him, but his stuff is still around. I used to think that if I avoided him, he wouldn’t even visit. Sadly, he visits when I’m not expecting him. Maybe I need to talk to him the next time he comes over.

An announcement popped up on my computer at work. A new office will be opening in another state, and people will need to relocate in order to get everything started. As I finished reading about this opportunity, my hands began to sweat and my stomach tightened. Fear was standing over my shoulder. There was no warm breath on my neck, no menacing stare, nor was there even the faintest feeling of impending doom. Fear was just...there.

I turned off my computer, grabbed my phone, and went to my car to get an early lunch. In the drive-thru, I ordered a cheesy chicken thing, a deep fried thing, and a large, bubbly, red something to wash it all down. My greasy bag and soda were handed to me after I paid, then I drove to a secluded spot in the parking lot to eat and talk.

His reflection was in the rear view mirror. Again, there was nothing sinister about Fear. The unsettling thing was that he would know when to appear. I figured that I had better get this over with.

“Please tell me why you come when you do. I don’t understand.”

“I only come when you need help,” said Fear.

I furrowed my eyebrows at the mirror and asked, “Help? Help with what? I wasn’t having any difficulty when you showed up.”

“You read about that new job possibility, and I had to come over. Your hands were sweating from just the mere thought.”

“I know. It’s weird. I immediately thought of all of the steps that I would have to take in order to relocate; do I sell my house? Do I sell my car? Do I take all of my clothes, or do I donate them? I know nothing about this new city. I would have to learn where to go and meet new people, all while I have to get the new office off of the ground.”

“Would this be the first time that you would do any of those things?” Fear asked.

“Well, no. That’s actually…” I couldn’t help but laugh at the realization. I had moved here about ten years ago, and life has worked out. There really is no reason why the same couldn’t happen again.

“This is why I make my presence known. People do not think clearly and they panic. The longer this goes on, I invite my friends Anxiety and Depression. All of us stay around until you have a moment of clarity. The more clearly you think, the quicker we pack our things and leave.”

“So, you aren’t supposed to be here?”

“On the contrary. I have to show up, so I can motivate you. I’m just not supposed to stay too long. You aren’t supposed to be comfortable with me, or get used to me,” Fear explained. “I, Anxiety, and Depression are to cause just enough pain to cause you to take action to make us leave.”

Once he finished, I sat with Fear. I absorbed his words. His lesson began to seep into the knowing places. The longer I sat with him, the more my new friend made sense. And, my new friend sat with me in silence while I processed him and the possibilities of our relationship. Then, I looked Fear in the eyes and said, “You aren’t supposed to paralyze us.”

“Not at all,” he replied.

“It’s the opposite. You want people to do what we set out to do. You want us to move and be happy and fulfill our dreams.”

Fear’s only response was a gentle smile, which was like my father when I was finally able to hit the baseball after so many swings and misses. I guess Fear was proud of me.

While I drove back to work, Fear faded away. I began to think of what could be, if I decided to move. Out of nowhere, Hope appeared and sat beside me. I felt him looking at me with his goofy grin. He finally asked, “Well, are you going to do it?”

I smiled back and said, “I just might, Hope. I just might.”