The Mirror (Pt 3)

I look all around the room. The mirror is shattered. No matter what I do, it's shattered and I won't be able to put it back together. I won't be able to get the mirror back together. How do I get it back together? I try to call him again, it rang all the way through this time. He didn't even hit ignore. I scream out and throw my phone across the room, sitting on the bed and starting to cry, pulling the sweet red wine up to my lips and sipping it slowly.

How did things get to this point? How did anything ever reach this point? We were so happy before. I was so happy before. He seemed happy... Did I imagine that entire thing? Was his happiness something that I created in my own head just to keep him there? It was. It had to be. If he were happy... if he loved me, where was he? Where was he when I needed him? Right now, I need him and he's not here. He's not here and he's not answering his phone.

He told me he'd always be there for me. That was back before we started trying to date. That was back when he was just my best friend. He knew that I had things that I was struggling with. He knew that I had issues. He knew that I was battling this fucking monster, yet HE left. He promised me that he would be there and he lied to me. He fucking lied to me.

It's laughable when he tells people that I'm the liar and that I betrayed him by choosing the wine over him. Maybe if you were there for me there wouldn't have been another option. Maybe if you made me feel beautiful, I wouldn't reach for the bottle. Maybe if you gave me the attention I asked for, I wouldn't reach for the bottle. Maybe if you just loved me, just even part of the way that you told me that you did, then I wouldn't need this bottle to feel loved.

Everything now feels like I made it up. It feels like a hallucination or some kind of messed up, twisted version of what was actually real, when I know that it wasn't. I want to look back, I want to see everything through the rose colored glasses. I want to see his smile, I want to see the way his eyes used to light up when he saw me. I want to see that filter, I don't want this. Right now, all I see is him angry and walking out the door, time after time.

Time after time of him promising me that he wouldn't leave. Time after time of him promising me that he loved me too much to ever give up on me. Time after time of him swearing that I meant too much to him to ever, ever, ever give up on, and mentioning how he'd fought for me for so long, and that he would be a fool to give me up. All I see is him walking through that door.

I try to imagine it like those fairy tales that I used to watch when I was a little girl, where the prince always comes back. He would come back, he'd rescue me, he'd rescue me from myself. We could ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, couldn't we? Right? That's what we're going to do. We're going to go off into the sunset, and we're going to live happily ever after. He'll be back soon. He has to be back soon.

She can't be the only one here for me. Someone has to love me. Someone has to care enough to stay. I want it to be him. Oh god, I want it to be him. I've loved him more than I ever thought was possible, and I want it to be him. I want him to be the prince.

But life isn't a fairy tale, and all I can do is sit here in this empty room, with this shattered reflection of everything. I'll never be able to put the pieces back together, will I? No... No, I won't. Why am I here? Why am I still here. If I were just to throw this wine bottle, finish it, break it, it would make it so easy to just make it so I'm not here. This time though? I wouldn't tell anyone beforehand.