THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK

Yesterday, a day ago, a new day would begin. I thought of all the wondrous things, the light I had within. So many years, so many days, I couldn’t find my strength. I focused on my weaknesses at the start of every day.

Over time I came to see that my mind was filled with lies and in all my weaknesses laid my strengths I’d finally opened my eyes! I’d find myself sitting here, sitting there and in between.. In between the light and dark, feeling unheard and unseen. I barely stayed in, I barely went out and the silence would consume. It would get so loud I couldn’t bare it, couldn’t pause or ever resume.

It all began not long ago, but what seems like forever, when I realized my immortality and my deepest fears more than ever! That I would grow old and I may find that I never settled in, to whom I was, or what I wanted, or made peace with where I’d been. That I would be a burden to all the ones I loved, not having my life in order while I’m not down but up above.

So, I started working on what was in and on what was out.. I had to believe that I would make it! I couldn’t live in doubt.

It was 2022 when the world had opened back up. I thought it’d be nice to get out for a while and go fill my reusable cup. I went out to my car, I turned the key and I drove myself to downtown. All the colors vibrant, everyone up not down.

There I stood in front of a painting, this painting on the wall.. It told a story of my journey.. A story of it all. Today the day felt different, different than before. I’d made love to all my demons and was ready for so much more. I wandered to the back, where more paintings did align. They spoke to me like never before and I stood there as I sighed. My head it fell with tears of joy and what I saw I’ll surely say.. A little black book, found in a nook with a fallen note that said “Hey..”

I proceeded to read and it did indeed, tell me the tale of twenty grand. It couldn’t be true, such a prize, for something trite and so bland? It said “You’ll wait at the corner of Fifth and Main every day at two. Use your eyes and your ears and it will look for you!”

So, There I stood.. That day.. The next and soon three weeks had passed. I saw nothing, I heard nothing! I thought “How much longer will this last?!”

The next day I walked slowly, a bit slower than before. Right then, it hit me! That while I was waiting, “it all” happened and so much more! I had indeed used my eyes, used my ears but still had failed to see, that everything I was waiting for had already been waiting on me.

By the time I reached the corner.. On the cool concrete it lay.. A note with a mailbox letter only a minute or so away! I crossed the street and then one more, a corner and a path. I found the box, I reached inside and what I saw left me aghast! An envelope securely sealed, dim yellow, seams pulled tight. Twenty grand with a card, that started with “Alright..” I proceeded to read and it did indeed, tell me the tale of twenty grand. It couldn’t be true, such a prize, for something trite and so bland?

But then I read, what I’ll never forget and will always hold dear to my heart.. That “by showing up time after time your life will surely start.”

I felt confused and a little in awe that the money had come true! I thought of my future, I thought of my past and questioned “What now will I do?” I turned to walk down the path, the corner and across two streets. I found myself where I once stood and wondered “Who will I meet?” Meet today, or tomorrow, or perhaps sometime next week? I thought to myself “It’s endless!” Now isn’t that neat?

All the opportunities that present themselves, the who’s, the what’s and the where’s.. I decided to save the money for my future and all my future cares.