The Little Black Book

Chapter 3:

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I bet you know what I did. Go on take a guess. Of course, I went back to Greggs. Not just for lunch but a steak out indeed. Yes, I waited around and followed her like a slithering snake hiding in the darkness of tall trees, waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. I had to. What manner of a woman is she? AliceWorldWonder15, so oblivious, living in a world that is only consists of Frappuccino’s and lounging around in Zara basics. Parading her wealth around like it is a pedigree show dog. Again, I ask what manner of a woman is she? What does that even mean?

My mum used to say that all the time. She’d be on the phone to my aunt most of the time. Talking about things she thought I was too deaf or too young to understand. I’ve learnt to read lips, read eyebrows, tapping hands and knocking knees. I understand what darted eyes and a bowed head means. I also know the difference between a belly laugh that leaves memories, in the lines of faces as well as those awkward, nervous laughs that are used to fill the silent spaces.

What manner of a woman is she? Is she like Suzette from number 98? You know her; every block has a Suzette who can’t seem to see the mess sitting on her windowsills; all over her balcony and the mould growing around the cracks on her front door; but she always knows what is going on in the block, people business on every floor. She knows who was recently a bride; and who was flirting with that brides groom. She also knows local pharmacist as she has been threatening to report him for the 12th time this month, “No Suzette I can’t sponsor you – enough is enough!”

Is she that woman who seems to know everyone but has no actual friends? Is she the go to for gossip but equally the go to for the locksmith; who has had to change her locks again after breaking up with her latest boyfriend. They are always nice at first; driving sports cars, gold chains a pumping music that seems to keep Suzette’s big behind squeezed into a low-down passenger seat. I can tell from the way she chews her gum, reggae music; something with a slow off-beat. The small nod she does to try to maintain her boujieness for as long as possible. That is until one of her children remind her; by shouting from the communal balcony, that she forgot to leave them lunch money, again.

It’s become a routine now. Her children have obviously rehearsed their roles well and more than a few times do they succeed. The far from poor man looks at the starving children hanging from the balcony; then at the deepened cupids bow that bounces ever so beautifully to the rhythm of the music “Oh no” she says “I’ve got to go; I’ve got to sort my kids out. I had a lovely time though.” Then she applies pressure. Turning 90 degrees; a position that those leggings were made for; no woman loving man can resist. He licks his lips and opens his wallet; “Get them something nice; and buy something for yourself beautiful! You know I’d really love a kiss. I know your busy so I won’t bother you. Do what you’ve got to do, just tell me before you go; when next am I gonna see you?”

Typical – so predictable! What manner of a woman is she? She no longer has them drop her off around the corner; now she has her kids in on it too. I’m not judging – I’m not feeding her children. Maybe I should as I have the money too. If I’m honest I don’t respect that woman. She prefers to take rather than to give. That is what manner of woman she is. Suzette and AliceWorldWond15 are you kin? Is this what this is? A sugar daddy? A Secret boyfriend her socials boyfriend doesn’t know about? This makes no sense at all.

Another Sparkling Raspberry Lemonade and a steak bake. Perched outside like an eagle; waiting to swoop down on its prey. Terrible of me I know but I wish I could see her face, when she realises that she has lost yet again and on the very next day. I’m turning into the Green Lady myself; luring her into my web. Only I don’t intend on eating my prey; but instead, setting things straight and evening the playing field.

AliceWorldWonder15 was in HMV for over 30 minutes. I guess it took her that long to realise that she was too late. Or maybe it was embarrassment; finally realising that you were bested again? That you are not above anyone else in this world. That sometimes, just sometimes the little guy wins too! Or little lady in this case.

I am quite small. "Likkle but mi tallawah" as a Jamaican would say. I’ve noticed most people with hearing aids are quite small. Not to generalise or anything and I’m definitely not being judgemental at all. Just a hawk with an eye for detail, very observant in every way. You see I went to a ‘special’ school for a couple of years; year 7 to the beginning of year 9 to be exact. It was truly the strangest experience ever. Not because of the students attending the school, but it was the teachers in fact. They were honestly crazy. The expressions were far to expressive, dramatic even; to the point where I laughed constantly all day. I went home with headaches and strained muscles in my stomach. “I can’t understand you” I would say all day; just so I could get an extra bit of entertainment before catching a lift home.

It wasn’t until we had assessments at the end of year 8. That I was caught red-handed, pie on my face and all around my mouth; they realised that I understood a lot more than I constantly made out. They found out my dirty little secret, that I am a lazy, short-cut taker out for the win. So, no more was I able to get my favourite teacher to act out the lessons for me while I lay arms folded with my weight rested on my chin. Pretending to take notes in doodle form; it was fun while it lasted but truthfully it was getting slightly tedious. I needed a problem to solve; someone more cunning to trick.

Mainstream school are you ready for me? I hyped myself up on my first day, quickly to realise that all the episodes of Unfabulous and Zoey 101 had not prepared me for ‘High School’ at all; nope no way! It probably would have helped if I hadn’t listened to my Jamaican mother’s understanding of the British school system; then maybe, just maybe I would not have been so clueless. I didn’t realise that not having a ‘Just Do It’ bag was uncool, or that Kickers with coloured thread was a ticket to a members only club. And I definitely did not know that being a virgin by mid year 11 was a badge of honour rarely won! School was definitely interesting. Especially for a girl like me; slightly invisible yet seen enough to be told; “she’d be cute if those hearing aids could not be seen.” My favourite taunt so unoriginal yet still a hurtful blow: “tell her she’s pretty then, she probably won’t hear you though.”

So that is what I did. Pretended not to hear. Pretended not to care. But somewhere, far down in the depths of my subconscious, those word wounds cut deep. Each time I took the plaster off, the wounds bled into my pillow; flowing loud enough for my mother to hear. While braiding my carpet hair, she would say “things aren’t always going to be hard. They will like you once they get to know you.” As I sat between her legs or our living room floor, I pretended not to see the sorrow in her eyes as she stared at me while facing our tall mirror that stood awkwardly on the floor.

When you are invisible; you see everyone else a lot clearer. You analyse situations and make unbias judgements. Unbias judgements? Is that even possible? We all are subject to our sociological, economical and cultural biases; forget that Nancy. What happened to AliceWorldWonder15?

Ok, so after finishing my third Yum-Yum; AliceWorldWonder15 emerged from the sadness of her loss, stepping over the drying puddle of Sparkling Raspberry Lemonade she had caused and turn down the same road the mystery man in the BMW parked on. Does she know him? She must know him! Maybe she is calling him to ask where it is... Notification! AliceWorldWonder15 is going live. Let’s tune in.

“Oh my gosh – I’m so fed up! These stupid people they make me sick. Is this world full of idiots: workers who can’t do a damn thing! I was supposed to pick something up from Bromley today and the idiots couldn’t find it for me. I bet they took it themselves. I’m sick of this; this is the second day and there better not be three. I’m so tired of all of the idiots on this planet..!”

NathanRt78 “Wow – I didn’t realise you were so mean! Unsubscribed”

Megnoy1010 “So pretty but prideful, sad really because your personality doesn’t match you face. I’m unsubscribing too.”

KenzieNoPlay20 “We are all trying our best Alice – maybe you should try to do their job for a day and see if you get through. See you later.”

72 more messages… AliceWorldWonder15 has ended her live!

Wow. What can I say? AliceWorldWonder15 what manner of a woman are you? I guess she knows as much as I do. She’s got the book, solves the riddles and prays to get there before me. The issue here is, she bases her self-worth on the validation of others, definitely her downfall. If I’ve learnt anything about AliceWorldWonder15 during the past months of being a loyal subscriber, it is that she requires validation like it is fruit and fibre. So, I know she will be back. Very soon. Probably with a public apology and some form of fakery; a giveaway of some items that are 'lightly pre-used.' A facade to make up for her wicked heart; I will be present for that, top of the class. And I hope that little black book will be too.

AliceWorldWonder15 took Balenciaga steps into her executive Uber; pulling her Canada Goose hood over her head to cover her shame. I guess I can’t follow her; but I know I will see her again. I’m going to get lunch. No, not for me; I know already had Greggs, I guess I am a little greedy.

Lunch for this homeless couple that I continue to see. A little love and compassion is truly the key; a reminder that you are loved, by the one above – all his children he does see. First, I’ll get them supplies Primark essentials work for me, then Wagamama – Ebi Katsu and a bowl of soup for three.

You know what, you learn so much from listening to people. Ha Ha very funny – yes, I’m hearing impaired, but I listen through what I see. I listen to their facial expressions, their body language and the vibrations of their spirit. They are so loud and say so much. I can tell this lady has been through a lot; I see it in her eyes she has had to be strong. Winoma her name is and his is Deltay. They have been together for 30+ years but being on the streets makes time pass in a way, where day becomes uncountable. You count the days when you are able to eat and have a warm place to sleep and the ones spent scourging for a lifeline are memories you don’t keep.