The Little Black Book

Winoma made me think, so very deeply about the true meaning of life. She asked the waiter so politely for extra tissues, and as many containers as she could get. I was confused at first but soon realised that she was rationing her food for the rest of the week. I had to take a quick trip to the bathroom because it brought tears to my eyes; to my heart and to my whole being.

What was I doing here; here on this planet? There has to be more; more that I can do. I don’t deserve to have all that I currently do; I shouldn’t have sent that money to myself. Why didn’t I do more with the previous £19,000, I could have rented a space for them, built a shelter maybe? What have I done Lord to deserve such kindness and perfect peace all my life? I’ve never had to beg for anything; I’ve never had to try too hard for anything really. Even after my mother moved back to Jamaica, I’ve still been able to live a nice life.

I dried my eyes with the hard paper towels and did my best to reduce my swelling lips. But still my heart was heavy and swollen with guilt. Guilt for every time I overlooked my own blessings; guilt for every time I complained about losing my hearing at the age of 3. Yet, I never understood the pain and hardship of having no home; of not being able to work because of constant pain. I’ve never thought about the fact that some are foreigners to the very streets the make a bed each night because no one will offer them a bed to sleep. So, I stood there for a second and thanked the Lord that I am blessed.

Winoma made her way out of the disabled bathroom just as I left the ladies; I could tell she had freshened up in there and I was happy to see her making use of her new clothes. She looked beautiful. So, I told her. She smiled from her eyes to her ears and wiped her nose with the back of her hand before bowing her head again. She hadn’t heard that in a while. She wouldn’t speak to me; only nodding and saying the occasional “Yes” and “Thank you". I have so many questions for her but I don’t want to be rude; I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. So I ordered some food for them to take away and told Winoma and her husband to take care of themselves.

I realised that I need to think of what to do with the money. What is going to make the most impact? I need to be smart about this. It would be so much easier if I had someone I could trust to speak to about it; they would have some ideas. Maybe I should ask Quora? It is times like this that I feel most alone. Winoma and Deltay have each other; the mantra I keep telling myself so that I don’t take them home with me.

“What should I do if I find lots of money and want to help people with it?” from NancyNoneofYourBusiness

I don’t expect any answers quickly so I I’ll leave it for now. Rest maybe? Today has been a long day; both physically and emotionally. I can’t help but fall asleep with the rhymical hum of the Uber’s engine. I wake up just as my spidey senses detect home. “Thank you driver, take care.”

As I step through the concierge area where the post boxes stand; my tiredness nearly makes me miss the mess on the floor. The contents of my post box is on the floor, pizza leaflets, Tv licensing letters and a number of local shop catalogues. Only my post box. What does this mean? Someone knows where I live. They know what I have been doing! I don’t know if I should go upstairs. I’m worried; I don’t want any trouble. I have no one to call, no one to help me.

My neighbour on the floor about me will help me in the only way she knows how.

“Oh my gosh” “No wayyyy – your lying Nancy. No way would someone do that. They are taking the piss Nancy. If that was me – I swear I would get so mad. Have you been down there Nancy? Are they still there? Let me boil the kettle and I swear if someone is down there they are F’d.”

Wrong move – I shouldn’t have gone to her. I should have thought about the sequences of getting a hype man involved; a street brawl or street party. Luckily I’ve got an idea;

“Let’s go down there; you pretend to be me and if someone is there, we will be able to tell if they are targeting me or not.”

“I don’t know Nancy; that sounds a bit dangerous – maybe you should just go down there and see?”

How my plan sounds more dangerous that bringing a kettle of boiled water for defence is something I don’t think anyone will ever be able to rationalise. Nonetheless, my plan worked.

“You’re right – I’m sure no one is down there, they would have had to break my door down or something to get in anyway.”

I knew my door had been opened because I saw it in passing while making my way to my neighbours house. As I push open the door, I see that nothing in my corridor has been touched. Strangely my plant has been turned around and put closer to the window – sunlight? Did a farmer break in? What is even stranger is my lock is not broken – it is open but not broken. What could be going on? I think it’s scarier to think that someone has been into my apartment, touched and moved things around but not taken anything. What on earth were they doing here?

They didn’t take the money either; or maybe they couldn’t find it. I couldn’t help but toss and turn that night. Maybe someone left a camera behind and now they are spying on me; following my every step. AliceWorldWonder15, could this be your doing? No way; she didn’t even notice me as she stood right in front of me.

Email received – From AliceWorldWonder15

Good morning friends,

I’m so happy to announce that I will be doing a giveaway today to show all of my loyal subscribers just how much I love them. You guys know that I love you all so much and those of you who have unsubscribed; this would be a good time to come back; I’ve got so much for you that I know you will love!

I’ll go live at 2pm today, so you will need to tune-in if you really want to win these giveaways. Also make sure you are subscribed because I won’t be sending any items without proof. You can send this to friends too so they can be in with a chance of winning; but if they are not subscribed then they can’t win.

Here’s some of the items you could win:

- Trainers (tune in to see which ones)

- Juicer

- Sports equipment

- Two designer handbags

- Slimming teas

- And so much more

So, make sure you tune in guys you really don’t want to miss this. I love you all so much.

Your fave AliceWorldWonder15

I’m so tired of this girl – If I wasn’t going to collect the money from The Little Black Book, I would definitely unsubscribe after that email. AliceWorldWonder15, you make me wonder if you are truly a world wonder; because you are from a different planet. Some different universe that has a different form of aliens that only care about themselves; self-preservation at all costs. Where it is a social norm to be arrogant and seeking validation from others is a form of currency.

1:17pm Reply received – Quora

Danutliksherm78 – If you want someone to help you spend the money I can help. If you have money, why be stupid and spend it. You can keep and make future for yourself.

NancyNoneOfYourBusiness – Thanks for your response Danutliksherm78 but I don’t need to ‘save to make future’ I have a bright future because I have faith. Now I want to help others in need. There would be less people in need in this world if people were less selfish don’t you think?

Day by day I get more and more lost in this world; lost in the blur of self-righteousness, greed and gluttony. Maybe I am the alien. I try to not despair, but it takes a toll on my soul. Is there no longer anyone left who isn’t a blood thirsty zombie; out for the kill and only interested in what they can scavenge for themselves?

As I stand in the bathroom analysing the new spots on my that face are obviously competing with each other for the prize of most ugly and annoying. It’s the ones I get right in the middle of my forehead that annoy me the most. Painful and huge; I’m sure they are stress related. My picture, the only picture of me; the only picture of anyone in my home. It’s missing! A burglar broke into my home and stole nothing but a picture of me? This is seriously so crazy. I’ve not called the police because I don’t want to explain about the money. I know I have to be careful because there are eyes on me. And now I know they know what I look like.

Notification - AliceWorldWonder15 is now going live.

“Hey everyone, I’ve missed you guys so much. I can’t wait to show you what I have got planned for you guys today. Honestly you are gonna love it!”

She looks beautiful today, radiant even. Her countenance is back. Purple and glowing. I can’t help but feel melted with love for her. Maybe she isn’t so bad. We all go through trying times I guess. Maybe she has finally changed for the better.

“First though, I need to get back the subscribers I lost-“

Oh there she is!

“So make sure you share this and make sure you are subscribed or you won’t win anything. I’m not gonna start unveiling the ‘prizes’ until I get 20 more subs, so share this with your friends. Oh great, that’s another 5 already – can we do 50 then… ha ha just joking!”

I guess I spoke too soon. What do they say? A leopard does not change it’s spots. They just sit there blending into the background, looking all majestic and nearly cute. Don’t get too close though she will pounce; no question; no ifs or buts, but when.

Anyway, The Little Black Book. It’s there open on Page 9.

Seeing is believing but are your eyes open

Blindness can be cured without a potion

He will get up close and personal, but will you pass the test?

Don’t book an appointment you need the front desk.

Now this one is tricky, write it down if you need.

Take a right at Calvin, you will fly with a grin

No need for a passport, it’s right here in London

Above Michael is where you’ll find Tom,

The box with gold letters take it and run!

On the high street there is more than one,

Choose the one where Cummings said you should have gone.

I like this one because I have never been to the opticians well not since I was five. I have excellent vision. I need to do some research on the names because I’m not too sure. Uber booked – 5mins away, I’ll research in the car – mask on of course if I don’t blend in with the zombies I won’t get very far.

What I know now is that they are designer brand names; designer glasses, Calvin Klein – Michael Kors, I’m not too sure who Cummings is though. Google search! “Hi driver yes it’s me Nancy. Catford High Street please” They have more than one optician, I believe there are two or three.

As we park up in the bay, my sixth sense begins to tingle. I know someone is watching me but I can’t see them yet. Can they see me? I feel eyes on me; my spirit man is shouting; warning warning Nancy. As I get out the Uber, I feel a hand pull me.

“Don’t scream young lady get in the car please”

Before I get a chance, I’m in the back, child lock on, music blasting I don’t recognise the song.