The life I lived

Growing up my life was in between good and bad there were days that I had bad days due to bad things happening and then the days where I had good things that happen. As a baby I grew up with a heart condision and was slow with my learning, I grew up not knowing who my father was because my mom kept me from him because others told her things and she believe them. I never had the proper help and was always in the hospital seeing doctors and being tested on I never had a break. People bullied me always made fun of me called me names saying that I don't belong that no likes me,don't get me wrong I had a few friends as a kid that helped me when I was being brought down. I spent most of my time at home in my room reading books, listening to music and singing as I loved singing and reading. In grade three my mom lost my siblings and I, we were put into foster care and that hurt as my brothers were put in a different city then my sister and I but I had my sister with me. While my sister and I were in our foster home we were treated badly it got to the point my sister ran away and we tried to go back to our mom but that never happned and we were brought back to the foster home and were made to sit on the hard floor for hours. It was like that all the time until one day my mom got my younger brother my sister and I back, my older brother had to stay in foster care for bit long. A few years after my mom got us younger kids back when I was 10 years old I was raped by a family friend who was 60, after it happend it took me a long time to get over it, I went to counselling and was having nightmares. When I was in grade four I was picked to go to Alberta for the Tim Hortons camp I was excited as it was a life time oppertunity but then I found out that my grandma was sick in the hospital and was on her death bed which made me not want to go to Alberta any more as I wanted to be with my grandma. I told my mom that and she told me that if I didn't go that my grandma would hunt her so I eneded going because my mom forced me. While I was in Alberta I wasn't having a good time at first but then that changed after the 3rd day, I got to go horse back ridding in the mountins, water rafting, camping in the mountins and other fun activities. The last night being at camp I said my goodbye to all the friends I made while everyone at camp was around the the bonfire. The rest of the summer after I got home from camp went by slow then school started and it was my last year before I went to jounior high but also the year I got in trouble. When I was in grade six I was having a hard time with my school work and the teachers I had never did anything but made fun of me saying I was not smart enough and need to go to a school for thoes that have a learning problem so I was moved to a different school in grade seven. The teachers I had in grade seven had my mom come in and told my mom they were going to move me to grade nine in september as they said I was too smart and that I needed to be with kids my age. From that day on my mom started treating me bad she started making me cook dinner and clean the house while taking care of my younger siblings while she sat around on the computer. There were times my mom would beat me, I would go to school with cuts and bruses which my teachers notice and asked me about them which I would lie just so my mom wouldn't get into trouble. It took me putting up with the abuse until I was 14 years old and my mom held a knife to me and said she would kill me, she did this in front of my sister we were both scared. I took off that night. I went to my teachers's house and told her everything and how I didn't want to go back there but was worried about my siblings and was brough back to my mom's, I stayed up all night that night worried my mom would try to do something while I was a sleep. When I went to school the next day I was having a hard time staying awake in class and one of my teachers were mad at me until the teacher I told everything to told the other what happend, I was given the rest of the day to chatch up on my sleep. After school was done I was called to the office just to find CAS there waiting for me right there I knew they were there to take me to another foster home. As they were took me I asked about my sister and brother, asked where they were the CAS worker told me that they were safe and being brought to their foster home. The foster home I was brought to was a place I knew already as it was where a friend of mine was living so I felt ok being there. That year I was on the computer with my aunt on my mom's side and she and I talked about how she didn't like my mom for what she did to me. Also my aunt one day told me she found my biological dad and gave me his e-mail, I right away started to talk to him for the first time. It didn't take me to get to know my father which made me happy I was even going to move in with him and my half brothers but that was taken from me as that yeaer my father passed away from a heart attack. I felt like everything was falling apart and for days I stayed away from people and cried thinking to myself why bad things always happened to me, why I felt like something was wrong with me. That day forward I started doing bad things getting into trouble to the point I was moved from foster homes to foster homes until they found one I was at for three years . Just after I turned eight-teen the foster mom I had for three years was at my step dad's with all my stuff and told my step dad which is my younger brother's dad that I was his problem now. I was confused and upest and once again thought what did I do for her to not want me or to just turn away from me. I was living with my step dad and younger siblings until I was twenty then I left and was homeless for a month before I went and lived with my boyfriend at that time. I moved to London, Ontario with my boyfriend which made my mom mad and her deciding to treat my boyfriend and his family bad. It got to the point I had to tell my mom that if she didn't stop that she would lose me for good as she was being a bitch yes I called my mom a bitch back then. My mom stopped for a few years but started up agian when she found out I was pregnent with my first child. I was stressed out while I was carrying my child thanks to my mom so I lost it again on my mom this time I told her that she either stops or she will never see her grandchild. As the time came and I was ready for my child to enter the world I had my mom and all of my boyfriend's family at the hospital. Two months after my first born and I were sent home from the hospital my boyfriend and I moved up north with our baby because my boyfriend back then wanted to keep my child and I away from my family but to be with him. Things started going down hill after we moved to a small town called Manitouwadge and I tried leaving with my child so many times but never did because of my boyfriend at the time. Life in Manitouwadge was not go I was never happy and I wanted for my child and I to be happy away from my boyfriend. When my child was four I finually was able to have my mom come visit us as my boyfriend at the time was dealing with him mom being on her death bed due to cancer. While my mom was visitiing she was noticing that my boyfriend back then was treating me and our chld like crap and how he was abusing us. My mom tried to get my child and I out but was not able to. In 2019 I found out that I was pregnet agian and had a hard pregnacy with my secand child no thanks to my boyfriend at the time. Last year my mom and older brother came up for a visit and once again my mom saw that I was the only one doing things around the house while my boyfriend/ father of my two children was no where to be found as he was always out drinking and smoking weed. My mom was angry and told me that she wanted for me and my children to leave, for us to be in a better place and I agreed as I was done with being treated badly and having my child be around my boyfriend their father while he was drunk and doing things to hurt us. While I was packing things for my children and myself inbetween taking care of my children my children's father allowed my oldest child after I said no go with his intoxicated sister to a drug house. I was ready to hurt my boyfriend at that time for putting my child at risk but didn't as I was more worried about taking my children and leaving which I did.