The Lesson

He was a lesson. One maybe I should have learnt a long time a go. A hard pill to swallow.

He represented everything I deserved in my life, how I should have been treated without any hesitation. He was my clarity. My calm.

Here I go again... Single.... a place I know oh so well... despite the casual appearances before he walked into my life and I'm forever grateful he did.

For a brief moment my life flashed.

For a brief moment I was truly happy for the first time in forever.

For a brief moment he showed up naturally, taking my hand and showing me a different norm.

Showing me that I have been settling for less than I deserve. Showing me hope.

He respresented a feeling I wasn't used to, emotions I had surpressed decades ago...

He was enough .

My sleepless nights faded, my optimism was expanding, my vulnerability peeked.

He wasn't mine to keep.

Knowing another woman will have his heart will

sting, but with that comes the realization that I can't be selfish either.

For a brief moment he was mine.

For a brief moment time stood still.

For years I was told that I was a lesson, totally amazing but never enough...It never broke my spirit, never wore me down, my energy is contagious and my confidence never destroyed.

Guys realizing what they had, how good my heart was, that they regret treating me so poorly. Seeing that the grass was indeed not greener elsewhere.

Those men were easy to walk away from, never looking back, no second thoughts or crushing pain in my chest, those guys didn't deserve my tears, I always managed to take the higher ground, Realizing every one shared the same patterns and I got used to being treated like that it didn't faze me that better existed.

I will never be an option again.

I'm not ready to completely let go..

And I may never will....

The texts and calls will eventually fade in time.

I'm not in any rush by all means to get back in the dating game. I've adapted to being solo for a long time...

Settling for casual time and time again.

Cameo appearances in my life...

I wish him well...

He taught me a lesson, restoring my faith in men, but also restoring what I had buried deep inside.

Never being able to replace him physically but one day replacing everything he represents and has shown me.

I will miss him immensely.

Hopefully my sleepless nights will fade and in time we grow to be great friends, I still believe we are supposed to be a part of each other's life even if that means separately, finding balance and boundaries. I never regret anything that once made me smile.

He came into my life for a reason and I hope I came into his the same.

I got a taste of something I wasn't used to...

Now that craving will remain prominent.

Doesn't seem fair, that sometimes in a brief moment someone draws out something in you that nobody in your past did. Sometimes we hang on for the wrong reasons, and sometimes when happiness strikes we have to walk away....

Letting go.. how is that fair?

He brought out the best in me...something that was inside of me all along.

And now I need to continue bringing out the best in myself for myself...

Allowing myself to embrace the moments and continue on....to embrace this heartache.

He will move on quicker than me as he has an agenda, a missing piece. I don't want to be a memory.... but they were good ones!!!

I only hope he finds someone who can give him everything and fulfil that void.

For a brief moment he filled it for me...

I only hope that when he does think of me, he smiles as much as I do when I think of him.

Lessons, reasons, seasons and lifetimes.

Right for each other, just wrong timing.

He may not be my boyfriend anymore but he is one ex I actually want in my life moving on and forward. One who will never compare to anyone.

One who I want the best for.

Je T'aime Mon Amie...