The Last Time

I thought we were best friends. I thought she trusted me. She’d tell me everything and anything, even if she wasn’t supposed to, as if it was just gossip. But not this time. No, this time she didn’t tell me anything whatsoever. I always confessed to everything that was going on with me. Why hadn't she?

And now I’ve lost her for all eternity. She’d never kept anything from me in the past. Ever. How could she?

“Mum! Mum! Where’s my school bag!?” I shouted, as I ran down the stairs two at at a time, where I then nearly fell into her. She had been waiting at the bottom, holding nothing but my school bag. She sighed, “Watch where you’re going next time, Fay, you nearly knocked me over. Here’s your bag. It was on the banister, as usual." I glanced at the bag, took it gratefully and shouldered it on, then looked back towards my Mum. Expecting me to say something, I guiltily stumbled through an excuse, “Err-I swear I don’t leave it there normally.. do I? Oh well, thanks Mum! Sorry about nearly knocking you over, by the way, I’m just in such a hurry.” She gave a look so stern that I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But just as quickly as that look came, it disappeared without a trace, replaced with a sweet smile, “That’s okay, darling. Just, may be next time, don't run down the stairs so quickly?". My jaw dropped so much my bag slowly began to slip off my shoulder. Time seemed to slow as it teetered towards the edge. The weight of the bag when it eventually fell brought me to my senses. I exclaimed in surprise, "Wow, Mum! I felt sure I was going to have a right bollocking, then! Are you alright? Oh well, I shouldn't complain right, don't want you-". "If you’re in such a hurry, why are you still talking to me? Get going woman!” Mum ejaculated, as she shoved me in the direction of the coat hooks. I grabbed my coat in surprise and swiftly put it on, before Mum pulled open the front door and quickly - but gently - pushed me out onto the garden path. I turned toward her to say goodbye but she had already shut the door. I was so confused by what had just happened it was almost a minute before I realised that I'd better get going.

On my way to school, I stopped by at her house. My best friend, Natalie’s, so we could walk together, as we always did. I stood against her gate, waiting impatiently for her to arrive outside her door. As soon as she appeared, I gave out a big wave, and shouted “Hey! It’s so great to see you!”. Natalie stood like a frozen sculpture, still gripping onto the door handle. There was a moment of silence, then she peaked up and replied quietly, “Hi”, before immediately sinking her head back down. I reared back in surprise. That was how she greeted her best friend, that she hadn't seen in three weeks? Normally, she would have run up to me, given me a big squeeze, kiss on the cheek and massive high five. But today.. there seemed to be not of that affection. I didn't know what to think, so I decided she might just be tired. I called out to her, "Are you gonna let go of the doorknob and come with me to school, then?". Slowly, she loosened the grip of her hand on the handle, letting it fall to her side. She began walking down the steps, almost cautiously, as if she thought she might fall to her death if she tripped. All the while, she continued to keep her head bent down and shoulders slumped. I pushed open the gate and walked onto the pathway, looking at her quizzically as I went. She stalled herself right in front of me, seeming almost unaware that I was there, then suddenly reached out and gave me a quick hug.

I noticed she didn’t even ask how I was, how my summer went. It was like she’d been turned into a zombie. As we turned the corner towards school, I realised she looked tired - exhausted, even. Her eyes were red, seeming to squint continuously in the sunlight. They also had bags underneath, so visible I wondered how she was keeping her eyes open at all. I didn’t want to intrude, but she’d tell me if anything was wrong. So I quietly mumbled, “What’s wrong?”, then quickly glanced at her, hoping for any sign that she was aware I had spoken, or that I was even there. She hadn't looked or spoken to me since we'd left her house. Before I could question her further, she stopped, and turned toward me, “What do you mean?” she responded, pulling her lips into a meek smile, "I'm fine". She was going to have to do better than that - I could see right through her facade. It was terribly unconvincing. I glanced over my shoulder, towards the school, and then turned back toward Natalie. I decided if I'm going to hope to get anything out of her I'm going to have to be honest. I quickly uttered, “What I mean is, you look.. exhausted - please don't take offence, I'm just concerned. And you’re extremely quiet. There must be something up, you always tell me if something is." She began walking again, swinging her bag back and forth as we came closer and closer to the school gates. What is with her? Why won't she talk to me? But then suddenly, she grabbed my arm bringing me to a stop. A stuttering of words escaped from Natalie's lips, “I am a bit tired-err-late night, that’s all. Sorry about that-I err-just don’t feel too well, that’s all. Of course I would. I-err-always do. Like you said!” she gave a weak smile, let go of me and then swivelled round towards the front doors. As she shuffled ahead, I came to realise that she hadn't given a full explanation. If somethings up, she tells me EVERYTHING. Every single detail. She was obviously trying to cover something up. I chased after her and halted beside her, I whispered, so as to not draw attention, “You sure you’re okay?". I ignored the noise of the other students chatting away, around us. I could only take in the silence that emanated from Natalie. She sighed, turned and looked directly at me, grinning from ear to ear, “Yes, I’m sure. I’m absolutely fine. Honest!” My eyebrows raised in amazement. Now I truly didn't know what to believe, surely this is just another facade to get me off her back? I didn't have time to get all detective about it as the school bell suddenly thundered in the air. I shouted over my shoulder as I ran off, “See you after class!”

As the first lesson went by, I tried not to think about all that had occurred on the way to school. I figured it wouldn't be best to try and make assumptions about what might be going on. I didn't want to fall out with Natalie because I ended up accusing her of things. I rolled back my shoulders and got down to work. It also wouldn't be a good idea for my teacher to see that I hadn't got anything done. As we moved onto the second lesson, I was bursting for the loo, I asked to be excused by my teacher. Being much nicer than most other teachers, Miss Gillian let me go without any hesitation.

I entered the toilets, giving a grimace as I did so - the smell of the toilets was always overpowering, the cleaners continued to over do it with the lemon cleaner. I walked towards the cubicles, only to find, someone was crying inside the end one. I stepped towards the cubicle, “Hey? Are you okay?”. The owner of the crying suddenly stopped, and a sharp voice replied, “Get lost, I don’t need your sympathy, you don’t know nothing about what’s happened!”. I recognised that voice immediately, “Natalie, is that you?” I questioned. There was a gasp, “Yeah. Oh my gosh, Fay, is that you?". I winced, replying meekly, “Yeah.” Immediately the cubicle door swung open. “I’m so sorry, Fay, I didn’t know it was you! I thought you were someone else” she exclaimed, as she held her head between her hands in shock. She looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and raw, mascara spread all over them and dripping down her cheeks. I replied cautiously, “Oh, I don’t mind about that. I'm more concerned with you. Why are you upset? There's nothing you can do to try and convince me otherwise, now. I knew you weren't okay." She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve before manoeuvring around me, checking herself in the mirror that hung above the sink. She then turned on the taps and popped in the plug, watching intently as the sink began to fill. This was starting to annoy me. Why did she seem to take forever to respond? Was it so hard to talk to her best friend? After stopping the water flow, she glanced at me sadly, "I’m sorry but, I-I just.. don’t want to tell you. It’s a-a family problem..” before she dunked her hands in the water and began washing her face. My fists tightened, I could feel myself getting annoyed. I had to keep it together. Now was not the time to take it out on her when she needed me most. I took a deep breath and tried to persuade her, “But you always tell me everything, even if it’s a family problem. We're best friends, Natalie. And even if we weren't, friends tell each other everything.” As I said that, I watched her dry her face, all the while trying to hide it. I could tell she was beginning to get embarrassed; her cheeks were flooding with the colour of tomatoes. I waited impatiently as she continued to stay silent, I began to to tap my feet out of habit. My Mum makes me wait a long time, too.

What felt like forever, had been more like a minute or two. She still hadn't confessed anything. Okay, I decided, if she is going to be like that, I'll try being even more persuasive. "Oh, come on, Natalie! It can't be that bad. You know I won't tell a soul. Its hurting me that you won't tell me!", I exclaimed in protest. And that's when she snapped her head in my direction, glaring at me with such anger, you would think I'd just committed murder.

"You know what?! Just because I have told you things in the past, doesn't mean I HAVE to tell you now. This is a private family matter. It may be hurting you that I won't tell you but that doesn't mean a thing. This is none of your business, you're not related to me or anything! So please, stop asking me, I don't want to tell you. And just because you want to know doesn't mean you get to!", she cried out, releasing a breath as she fell back against the sink edge. She looked relieved to get that off her chest. I, on the other hand, was completely dumbstruck. It almost made me afraid of her - I had stepped back in awe. How could she treat me like that? I was only trying to look out for her. Couldn't she see that? Couldn't she have at least been a bit kinder with her words and the way she spoke? I would've understood if she really didn't want to say, but she didn't have to speak to me like that. As I watched her leaning against the sink, I could see no ounce of guilt upon her face. She almost appeared to be smiling.

That was it. I couldn't stand it anymore. If she didn't care about me, or our friendship, then so be it. I could feel the anger bubbling inside me, climbing its way up my throat. I could feel it throbbing, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I screamed and bawled, telling her all the hurt I felt.

And that was it. I never spoke to her after.

That was the last time.