The Karma I Don't Want

My day has definitely been one of those days that just don’t seem to end. I want to sleep for a week straight. I have definitely pushed myself in so many ways that I don’t think I could. It did pay off though literally.

I know I’m focusing on getting rid of anger but I got to see karma in action today. One of the people that I’m angry with got told he’s mean today at work. He had a rough night after being told that. I proceeded to be nice because while yes, I do have negative emotions for him, but he just felt what I feel when I’m around him. How can I sit here and rub it in his face when karma just reached up and slapped him with a ton of bricks? I know how it feels to be in his spot. The absolute damage it does. I’ve cried over stuff like that.

When you get told that you’re something that isn’t you, it breaks you down. You question everything and wonder if you really are that thing that they just told you that you are. I’ve been told that I’m mean, cruel, evil, annoying, ugly, everything negative that you can think of. My reaction was just to accept it and cry when no one was looking. I didn’t want them to know I cried because I was raised to believe that crying is bad. I’ve verbally abused myself countless times to the point of I’ve almost taken my own life because of statements like those. How could I kick him when he was down?

Yeah, he figured I was upset with him. He sensed something was wrong when I limited contact with him. I didn’t want to let my frustration with him get the best of me because I was not ready to rectify the situation. I wanted karma to do their work because karma hurts so much more than I could ever imagine.

Yes, I do believe in karma. I believe that the energy you put out into the universe will come back to you three fold. It will hit you in your mind, your body, and your soul. This is why I want to be happy. I don’t want anger to return to me.

Anger isn’t worth feeling if you desperately crave happiness. That is my current mental state. I don’t have time to be anything but happy. Am I putting a lot on my shoulders? Probably, yes, I would not deny that. I have a lot I want to accomplish in my life, I can’t be waisting time on anger.

In the end though, my anger for this person has definitely become less than it was last night. I don’t like that he feels what he has made me feel, but I don’t think anyone should feel the things that I have personally felt. I guess that’s how karma functions though.

I guess I should also mention that I didn’t say names in my last post due to not wanting anything bad to happen to them. I don’t want them to experience anything poorly from me figuring out my stuff. Karma will get them at some point if karma already hasn’t gotten them. I do not want to aid in them dealing with what’s in store for them. I do not want any of that karma coming back to me and getting me. Being angry and expressing my rage is not worth the karma that returns from me putting that anger into the universe.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more eventful than today was. I really just woke up, went to work, and stayed there for pretty much all day. I have to go back tomorrow and deal with corporate so I’m going to head to bed. Sweet dreams misfits.