The INFJ-INTJ Romance (Pt. 2)
This is the second part of the INFJ-INTJ romance discussion! Hope you enjoy it!
As I celebrated the anniversary of the day I began dating my beloved INTJ, I contemplated the remarkable peace and utter joy I have discovered as an INFJ. The more I experience what this relationship is like, the more I hope every INFJ who has ever felt as lonely as I have finds someone just as incredible.
The Knight in Dark Armor
I mentioned that, when I first met my INTJ, I observed chivalry within him, and I also commented that INFJ's don't want a knight in shining armor. But that doesn't mean no knight will allure an INFJ; he's just far more interesting if his army doesn't shine.
Where the INFJ endeavors to be kind and giving in pursuit of virtuous character, the INTJ focuses that social energy mainly upon the ones he/she loves. My INTJ opens and holds the door for me every time. Whenever I lament that my scattered mind forgot to grab something from upstairs or lost my cell phone (again), he is right there jumping up to fix the problem. These aren't terribly draining efforts, but each one means so much to an INFJ because it communicates that he/she is valued enough to receive such unexpected courtesies.
My INTJ is attentive to details and minor preferences and never forgets them. When I make the comment I love grapes for breakfast, he makes a stop at the store while he's out and surprises me with a bag the next morning.
Or maybe I sigh that I don't like when something happens or grumble about some pet peeve with my family, and he takes action to see that I don't have to endure it again, without judgment of my petty irritation. He doesn't care if I have a moral right to be unhappy with something; he cares that I'm unhappy and endeavors to put a stop to it.
This pairs with the INFJ well, because we don't want to be judged (of course, who does?), and we have already conscientiously accounted for whether we are in the moral right or not. If we are not, we're probably already feeling guilty about it, at which point the way the INTJ actually advocates us makes us feel more justified in our feelings. Snobbish or not, we can count on ourselves to determine right from wrong, so someone thinking he/she needs to advise us in that area is actually merely insulting us. The INTJ never does.
An INFJ wants to feel safe and understood, and the dark, insightful protector that the INTJ proves is a dream come true. The INTJ isn't the traditional knight who wants to save everyone and be the hero. The INTJ will, however, be the hero for his loved ones, in a time when it is necessary and not an opportunity for the spotlight.
"He, the Unseen Genius"
"Unseen" and "genius" go so well together when describing an INTJ. "Unseen" indicating what every INTJ generally wants to be. They do not want the spotlight, and they rarely want any attention at all, except from those whose opinion they truly respect and value, such as their significant other's.
The complexities and intellect harbored within their brilliant minds really do lend to the "genius" side. I told my INTJ he should create a puzzle, and, before I know it, he's sketching out a brilliant mechanism I would've never conceived.
Another side to "unseen," and delightfully so, is how much the INTJ doesn't want to be around people. The INFJ doesn't either, but even an INFJ will feel more social than this thinking-type partner. INFJ's at least enjoy observing people, admiring the good within them and seeking to empathize with and help them. The INTJ's generally anti-social attitude frees the INFJ to socialize only when he/she feels like it.
The Thoughtful Language of the INxJ's
There is something about the way I can speak with my INTJ, as though it is a code no one else shares with me. We use words many others wouldn't in daily conversation, such as "precipice" or "cusp". I constantly admire how his vocabulary competes with my own, given that I literally attended college for English Language and Literature!
There is, however, more to the "code" than vocabulary. An INFJ feels everything so deeply that tears and heartbreak seem a common, at-least-weekly activity, just through a concept plaguing our minds or some mistake making us question our judgment. If I hear a sad story on the news, particularly about animals (dogs!), I will lie in bed bawling. Generally, it runs more deeply than a simple news story; it almost always does with an N-type because of the way our minds work, interconnecting everything and reading further into even the smallest ideas.
The magic of the code, however, is how the INTJ reacts to this. Mine sits or lies beside me, asks simple questions such as "What can I do?" and then—this is key—he waits. And waits. He is incredibly patient: a virtue I do not naturally share. Finally, when my INFJ mind has sifted through the clouds of feelings and located the source, I can discuss it with him, and he applies logical and sympathetic insight into helping me solve the problem.
This code is one I have never shared with any other ally before. An INFJ is very difficult to get to open up, but—if you can do so—he/she will never forget it. The level of trust you will have attained is immeasurable. If you are the Rosetta stone for the INFJ's revealing of his/her true self, the INFJ will probably treat you as the rarest and most precious discovery in the universe!
Well, thank you so much for reading and coming back for the second part! I hope to continue on to a Part 3 soon!