The Happiest Town in the World

When I first met Eira I thought of her: "How safe you seem. You are a person to be trusted.»

Together with her I feel I can relax. I can be myself.

We can talk. I know what to say. What she talks about is what I can talk about. I think that's one of the most important things in any relationship. For a relationship to work, both must be open and talk about what matters in life.

And then there is more, there is an affiliation, and there are attractions. I do not quite know how to describe this in words, but it is one of the most important things I feel inside me when I see her. I feel well and I know it will be good to be with her.

What does it mean to say that she is good to be with? What does it mean to say that I am good to be with? Isn't it a bit the same, be at home and be friendly? Give yourself away and be open.

I know that I am not perfect. But she also knows that she is neither, and here we have a good foundation to start. We both realize it.

You like to think that you have realistic expectations, but in the midst of falling in love and the intoxication that comes with it - when you see everything through the glasses of love that colour everything with optimistic feelings, it is important to have realistic expectations. Otherwise, we can quickly dream about things that are not real. Then we can easily be disappointed, and we can easily disappoint the other.

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What does it mean to be free? Is man free? Am I free in my life?

Yes, that is the question I have asked myself. I am now beginning to understand and see some things that I would like to have done differently in my life. I cannot help it, but I sometimes think back on the years I wasted with my ex, the woman I was with before Gunvor. I won't even mention her name here, because it's so weird to think about her and remember what happened. I think too much back to that period in my life, and it's a goal for me to erase as much as possible of what I remember from being with her.

When I finally managed to leave her, there was a lot of chaos, a lot of messages from my ex that upset me and made me feel down. I should not be surprised. I knew very well it had to be like that. Although she for years in the past had expressed her discontentment with me, she didn't want me to go. When I wanted to go and told her so, there was a huge crisis. Days with crying, yelling, and accusations.

My ex had always been very up and down and variable in the mood. On a normal day, in my previous life, I never knew when I started the day how it was going to end. When I was on my way home from work to her, I felt anxious because I expected something unexpected to occur. Either she was in a good mood, or she was down. Or irritated and aggressive towards me. I could never know how the day was going to be.

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I work in a factory, and it’s not very satisfying really. But I have gotten used to it. At the end of the evening shift, I stand in the shower and let the warm water filter down my body and drain off the residues of carbide dust that have stuck to my pores.

Today Gunvor traveled again. I think it's good. I feel it's okay, as it is with the two of us now. I'm excited when I think about meeting Eira again soon. It's been a long time since we were together.

At the start of the shift, I sent her a message, in the short, almost laconic style, as they sometimes are, the messages that we send between us. At the end of the shift, as I dry myself after the shower, I pick up the phone, turn it on, and wait to get up a new message notification. I am a little surprised because it’s not like her. She always uses to answer, at least after a few hours, but not today. I send a new message to her, a brief reminder: "Are you there?"

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I’m a man from the north of the country, and some people have wondered why I landed here, in this small, worn down, dirty, and almost claustrophobic industrial town.

It happened in the way that I started working here many years ago, and later it has become like that. It became like that, among other things, because I did not educate myself. I was at sea for several years in my youth, and later I came here and then it was natural to take the job I got here, and just now I am very happy with it. I did not want to travel north again. It was better to be here, I thought. And then there was a lady at the time as well.

I never thought it would go the way it did. When it was over with my ex, I got along with Gunvor, the partner I have now. It was perhaps a bit coincidental, and many people probably think that we are a slightly different couple, she and I, but it has become a habit. Most things that last often become a habit. We disagreed several times, and we had serious quarrels. But then we also got together again, reconciled and then we many times had it okay — yes even very nice, for a long time afterwards.

It helps well that she is very much away, on business trips to the capital and other places, and in that way, we do not really see much to each other.

When she comes home after a trip, she is usually quite walkable, in the sense sociable, and not very annoyed. But when she has been home for a few weeks, it can be a bit challenging. But I live well with her and the way we have it. The fact that she does not want children fits in pretty well for most as well.

I actually enjoy my life the way it is at present. Gunvor and I, we have become accustomed to it as it is. But I really do not have a bad conscience for what I do when I meet Eira. I never have. The reason for that is pretty simple because my partner does exactly what she wants. For example, I am pretty sure that if she is given the opportunity to cheat on me, she will not deny herself anything and she probably also have done it on several occasions.