The Guardians

Our farm roads were always thick with grass. Grass so green and tall, that frogs leapt over them as the day disappeared into the night. Chopped bamboo trunks are always neatly arranged by the mango trees. Palm trees lined the perimeter of our compound and separated the carabaos from our vast rice and corn fields. The floral scents wafting from our orchid and rose gardens, subtly tickling our noses as we played tag.

Every Friday evening Tita Lyn and Tita Beng would sweep a week’s worth of fallen leaves into a pile, and set a warm fire. On the grill, we barbequed every single part of the three chickens we caught from our backyard. When I was a little girl, my favorite part was the chicken feet. My aunt says this is probably why I love to travel so much.

The purple-pink sunsets always took my breath away. We had long tables covered in banana leaves where we would pour a pot full of freshly cooked rice, seasoned with other fragrant ingredients from the garden. Once the grilled meat and vegetables were fully cooked, we placed them on top of the rice. My Tita Lyn would say grace and all eleven of us would all dig in. Five pairs of chubby little hands, competing for our favorite part of the chicken.

Once the vivid colors of the sunset melted into a deep-velvet starry night, my uncle would start to tell us mystical stories. We didn’t have electricity until ‘98, so our evenings were spent eating together surrounded by white candles, tiki torches held still by our fertile land.

Enjoying our meal under the stars, we would chatter amongst ourselves until my uncle finished his meal and clear his throat.

“It is rumored,” my uncle would proclaim, “that other kingdoms live amongst us, silently watching our children and deciding which ones they want to protect into adulthood.”

“Are they scary? Do you have a protector too?” I asked.

“No, not at all scary” he’d reply. Tilting his head thoughtfully, he’d say, “I’m certain I have one. I always make good harvests. No matter how hard life gets, I always manage to find the way.”

Uncle Maki’s stories were about the kingdoms of good and evil. We were always learning parables of good deeds being rewarded in the future adult life. My Uncle Maki always told me that if I kept my soul pure throughout my childhood, I’d have a guardian always trying to help me achieve my dreams.

“Always remember that a generous soul will always be rewarded with good luck.”

Other uncles would tell us scary stories about ladies dressed in white, who roamed the night in search of wretched souls to conquer. Some stories were about witches who had half-bodies that flew into the air at night, visiting children who did bad things and had bad thoughts. I never enjoyed those stories. But it scared me enough to always try to do the right thing.

My favorite story was the story about the friendly Shadow Protectors. The friendly Shadow Protectors wore a top hat, and were always wielding a tobacco pipe. Most of the Shadow Protectors can only exist in the shadows and therefore can only protect the souls that shined the brightest. Uncle Maki said that this kingdom assigned colors to all the souls on earth.

Red, for the mean-spirited who were sentenced to a life of bad luck. Green, for the jealous souls who would be destined to never find happiness. Blue, for the peaceful who would be destined for a quiet life. Purple, for the inquisitive and caring souls, destined for an adventurous life.

“And Gold!” he’d say with such excitement. “For the unique souls that are filled with sooo much generosity and love. So much so, that all the other Protectors vie for the privilege of protecting these souls themselves.”

I would crawl unto my uncle’s lap and ask, “Which one do you think I am?”

“I think you have a Gold one,” he replied.

“Why Gold?” I’d ask. “My favorite color is purple, and I like field trips!”

“Well you don’t want the color purple if you can get gold,” he’d say. “The Golden Souls are the highly favored ones. It means you get your own special guardian - The Guardian of Light! These are the best ones that can travel between light and darkness, further beyond the shadows that limit all the other Shadow Protectors. Wouldn’t you want a Guardian of Light that can watch you during the day and night? You can be anywhere in the world and be protected! In fact, when you are older and decide to join your mother in America, you will always find the path to success no matter how hard things may be.”

When we all start getting sleepy, we’d unroll the bamboo mat on the ground and grab our long pillows. The huts in the backyard were breezy at night, so we’d set up a mosquito net, tying all four sides to the bamboo posts to keep the mosquitos from coming in. Tita Lyn would set the incense by the stairs, and furtively climb under the mosquito tent. I would curl up into her armpit, and lay my head. She would always rub my thigh and hum, as if I was a big baby. If I was too hot, she’d take the handheld fan she made out of coconut palm leaves, and fan me to sleep.

“Did you bless your dreamland yet?” she’d ask right before I fell asleep.

I’d sit up, cross my legs and say a little grace. This night I thanked my protector and made the case that I deserved a purple one.

My aunt laughed a little. I was very defensive, “What?”

“Your Uncle’s right, you know. I think you definitely have a Golden Soul,” she’d say.

I always revisit and reminisce on the oral stories my family would share during my childhood. When life feels out of control, I would lay in bed, close my eyes, and talk to my protectors. I always assumed that my life feels so complex that I may have more than one protector. When bad things happen, they are very bad. And when good things happen, they are very good. Things are never just “so”.

I was twenty-four when my mother died. I’m an only child and my father died before I was born. When I lost a job shortly after becoming a single mom, I found a flexible job that paid for my masters. While I was homeless, I was attending an Ivy League school. When people meet me, they either really love me, or really hate me, no matter how kind I am. So until today, I always think about my protectors, and bless my dreamland before falling asleep.

And sometimes I tell them to stop fighting so much.

And whether or not the protectors are fighting, or working together to bring me to a better path…

I always stay hopeful.

In my soul, I believe that faith and kindness are the forces our humanity innately possesses to steer our ship into higher seas of consciousness and love.

There’s something bigger than us out there.

You just need to be humble enough to believe.