The grass isn't always greener..

“Jack of all trades” is what people would always say when speaking about me. From the moment I was old enough to make my own decisions I decided that I didn’t want to just be good at one thing I wanted to be good at them all. The trouble with being a “jack of all trades” is that I’m also a “master of none.” And as I got older, I started noticing people choosing one thing and being amazing at that one thing. I never had that self-confidence to stick to one thing and risk not being immediately amazing. Life was hectic enough that I never had to give my lack of self-confidence a second thought, that was until 2020.

It felt like everyone’s world had come to a complete halt and suddenly forced us to take a good hard look at ourselves. It was in those moment that I realized all my actions up to now were only made so people always had a glowing perception of me. I had two choices, continue to do things that were making me unhappy or finally decide to live for myself. Although it took a lot of convincing, I finally decided that I finally wanted to be happy with myself.

Without the pressure of having to work or even walk out of my own home I finally had all the precious time in the world. And while a week turned into a month turned into almost a year in a half and painting turned into furniture upcycling into tattooing, I finally realized the one thing that made me feel that happiest I had ever been. When I tell you what I decided you might think to yourself “that is what you landed on? After all your self exploration?” and yes, this is what I chose to be happy.

I decided to cleanse myself of all social media presence, for the time being.

For as long as I can remember every time I went on any social media; Instagram, Facebook, twitter and now tok-tok, I found myself comparing my life to what others claimed to have. It always felt like maybe if I lost those 10 pounds or if I had more friend I would in turn be happier. I grew unappreciative of what I had and always felt the need to have or be more. I already knew in the back of my mind that not everything you see on the internet is real, but it still made me start questioning if what I had was not enough.

I was out with my family one night, but I was so engrossed in my phone focusing on how others were living their life that I wasn’t seeing my life for the moments it was. And that was when I decided, I was going to delete all my social media apps. I was done living for others and I was finally going to appreciate those who appreciated me.

I began by starting everyday looking at myself in the mirror and using words of affirmation. “I am beautiful, I am strong, and I am worthy of love.” It might sound silly but once I got into the habit of building myself up instead of breaking myself down the confidence I once had to fake became real. I started approaching the day with one thought “what is one thing that I can do today that will make me happy?” And while I eventually went back to using social medias, I was able to see the posts for what they were. A single moment in life, not the whole life. A worthy and fulfilling life is what we decide to make for ourselves.