The Friendship Pyramid

We all wonder occasionally what our friends think of us. How they feel about us, how we feel about them… Sometimes it can feel as if we’re closer to them than they are to us and vice versa. If we’re too invested, or we just really enjoy the other person’s company, there becomes a potential for feeling insecure about our position in the friendship.

Many different cultures have some form of language or gesture to describe how close you are to a person. For example, in France, it can be seen as a major snub if you start using formal pronouns or conjugations with somebody who you once used informal language with. In historic Arab culture, they created something which worked to solve all of this confusion. It’s known as The Friendship Pyramid, it has 13 different levels dependent upon the depth of the relationship you have with your buddies, and it is beautiful!

As somebody of Arab heritage, I do have to mention that nowadays we mostly use the terms ‘rafeeq’ or ‘sadeeq’ interchangeably to mean ‘friend’. However, recently, the 13 levels of friendship have started to receive fresh attention. Want to know where you are in a friendship? Now you have the perfect terminology to describe what you’re feeling:

1. Teerb

This is the lowest level of friendship, somewhere you would ideally want to move away from as soon as possible. Or, to look at it more optimistically, this level is the very start of something new, a base to potentially build something amazing. ‘Teerb’ is someone you’ve met once or twice, usually an acquaintance, or simply somebody who is the same age as you.

2. Zameel

You still consider this person an acquaintance but they’re more familiar to you than the ‘Teerb’. In current times, the term ‘Zameel’ is typically used in the workforce for somebody who is a colleague.

3. Jalees

This level of the pyramid is for the person who you are comfortable sitting with for a long period of time. Personally, I think this one should be a level 4 rather than a level 3, as I feel we can push ourselves to make conversation with most people, though it can be more difficult to sit in comfortable silence with a person. However, that’s just my preference – it’s a big step to feel comfortable in somebody’s presence for an extensive period of time – each to their own.

4. Sameer

You have great conversations with this person, the rapport is effortless, the banter is solid, you look forward to talking to this person and typically leave feeling good. The conversation may not be that deep…yet…but you’re having a great time regardless.

5. Nadeem

This stage of friendship is where things start to get fun. You’re generally comfortable in this person’s presence, you enjoy having conversations with them, they’re also a real laugh on a night out (or day out). This is the person you’d think of to invite out with you when you’re free or at a lost end. This may range from going to have a cup or coffee or tea, to being each other’s drinking buddies.

6. Sahib

On this level, you may have come to think of this person as a reliable companion. Things are getting serious now! In short, this is somebody who you feel is a step further than just a bundle of fun, or a fair-weather friend. They genuinely care about your wellbeing, and you feel the same.

7. Rafeeq

This is somebody who you can depend on, a close companion. You hang out, you talk about plans for the future, and you probably wouldn’t think twice about traveling with this person. A 'rafeeq' is someone you would love to have by your side on the other side of the world.

8. Sadeeq

A true-blue friend. On top of everything else, you’ve built up a certain level of trust with this person. There are no niggling worries that they might be befriending you for ulterior motives, you get the sense that they like you for you.

9. Khaleel

You’ve found your person! This stage of the friendship feels more intimate. There is no need to do anything fancy, just being in this person’s company makes you happy.

10. Anees

You feel as if you really know this person, perhaps as if you’ve known them for years despite evidence to the contrary. You are very comfortable around them, being in their presence brings you a sense of serenity and joy.

11. Najiyy

A step up from the previous level of friendship is known as ‘Najiyy’. This person is your confidant, somebody who you feel you can tell anything to and they won’t judge you unfairly. There are certain things you would say to this friend who you would think twice about saying to somebody on the lower levels of friendship. Their secrets are safe with you and you know your secrets are safe with them.

12. Safiyy

This your best friend. If you had to, you would choose them over your other friends.

13. Qareen

Your twin flame, your spiritual double, your soulmate – get it? 😉 You are inseparable and, in this moment, can’t imagine your life without them. There doesn’t need to be a conversation about most things because you understand how each other think. This is the highest level of the Friendship Pyramid. If you have this with somebody, congratulations, as it’s very rare.

Annnd that’s all folks!

Above are the 13 levels of friendship in Arab culture. What do you think of the terms? Which level on the Friendship Pyramid do you think you’re on with your mates? Whatever you think about it, and however language continues to shift and evolve, this is all just another example of some of the wonderous ways linguistics has been used to communicate throughout our history.