The four stages of career frustration

Throughout your career, you're bound to encounter some surprising setbacks. Why setbacks and failures often provide valuable lessons that can actually enhance your career. There are four common stages of career butt-kicking, each of which is described below.

Comfortable oblivion: Before the setback, you were blind to your actions. Life is going smoothly and you don't realize the insult that's coming. Many times, you are full of confidence. You can quickly compile facts that support the value you add to the organization you serve. You believe you are capable, conscious and worthy.

Sting: Ouch, that hurts! Setbacks disrupt our comfort and are therefore painful events. As a rule, the more you forget before you kick ass, the more painful the kick feels. Most often, frustration can stir up emotions of fear, anger, rejection or depression. These emotions often lead to self-defense and self-righteousness - how dare they kick my ass like that!

Changing Choices: Once the sting begins to subside, you are left with one choice. In a broad sense, your choice boils down to acceptance or rejection. This is the most critical stage in the frustration process.

Humility or Arrogance: Depending on the decision you make in Stage 3, Stage 4 will lead to a deeper level of arrogance or true humility. If you redouble your conviction that your frustration is an undeserved injustice, you will strengthen your sense of justice. If you accept the trouble caused by the insult and make changes based on the information it provides you, you will exit the frustrating event with a more grounded, sober and humble perspective.

The next time you experience a professional setback, consider the following tips

Focus on the long game. Setbacks are just a brief speed bump in your long-term leadership career. The surge of pain will eventually produce valuable lessons and changes. Focus on where you ultimately want your career to end, not the detours it may take.

Remember, discomfort = growth. Comfort may be comfortable, but it's also stagnant. You don't grow in a zone of comfort. You grow, progress and evolve in an uncomfortable zone. The more uncomfortable the frustration feels, the more growth will result.

Don't forget yourself. How much might it cost to remain true to your own ignorance? Self-exploration and discovery can be painful, but what is more painful in the long run is becoming a stunted person, unable to acknowledge, absorb or compensate for your own shortcomings.

Do your own project. Many people lead projects better than they lead themselves. Think about what it takes to lead a great project. You start by defining the results you want, creating a timeline and identifying key milestones, organizing the resources needed to make the project a success, and identifying metrics to track progress. And guess what? You can manage your career recovery in exactly the same way.

Stay on site. Rather than trying to avoid all those surfaces for you during and immediately after a humiliating event, allow yourself to be fully immersed in the experience. What are you feeling? What fears are at play? How will your feelings and fears help you once the whole experience is over? What are you learning, and how can you make good use of the experience?

Ultimately, if you let it, a humiliating professional setback can be the entry point to a richer, fuller, more complete understanding of yourself, both as a professional and as a person. With this knowledge, you will be able to better leverage your strengths - and actively mitigate the shadows your strengths can sometimes cast - so they can better serve you and others. Abraham Maslow summed it up well, "All it takes to change a man is to change his perception of himself."