The Fine Line

When someone walks out of your life, there's a fine line between the people who are worth fighting for and the ones to let go of.

We see a lot of quotes on social media about letting go of anyone who walks out of your life and they have no context and exceptions, written like an ultimatum; but what if you do something to hurt someone and their response, out of hurt, is to walk out because they see no alternative? Should your attitude be, "Well, they walked, so screw 'em"? As if, in order to be a part of your life, they have to accept all your worst behavior because they care about you?

No. I don't believe that way. I believe there's a line.

It's like this quote that's floating around that's attributed to Marilyn Monroe (it's up for debate if she ever actually said it), "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." That is the mentality of a narcissist. Would that line continue to be true if it fell from the mouth of an abuser? No, it wouldn't, because the definition of love is not determined by how much garbage you can take from someone, and how long you're willing to stay until you reach a breaking point and walk out. Maybe they aren't the problem, and it's you that needs to get your act together.

I think there are people worth fighting for and people who are not, and they show us which category they fall into long before the point ever comes that they walk if you pay attention to red flags and patterns and not allow yourself to be blinded by your care for them.

People who put little to no effort into you and leave the relationship (romantic, friendship, or familial) unequally yoked, people who sketchy or questionable character, people who are flaky, people who are unreliable, and people who won't take responsibility for their actions are all examples of people who should be left in the dust.

A mistake is one thing, everyone makes them sometimes. We can't go through life treating people like they should be perfect because perfect is unattainable, but a pattern is another. You will save yourself a lot of further heartbreak if you let these people walk freely. I'm not saying it won't hurt, but it will save you a lot of time, trouble and heart ache in the future. Things you can't come back from.

The trouble is, we think that people won't do us like they have others in the past. We think it will be different with us. We think of these behaviors as subject of circumstances and not character.

One thing we all need to understand: We are not the exception to the rule. We are not that one person they are going to turn it all around for unless they make a choice to, and that choice should be made for themselves beforehand and not because of us and whatever connection we have with them.

Someone who runs out on things or people often is not going to be different with you. Someone who runs from responsibility for their mistakes is not going to be different with you. Someone who has cheated on someone else is not going to be different with you. Someone who is regularly disrespectful and abusive is not going to be different with you. Someone who is immature is not going to be different with you. Someone with commitment issues is not going to be different with you.

You have to know what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. It's a good idea to write a list of deal breakers and then force yourself to stick to it. It's also helpful to be conscious of your circle and not just limit your relationships to how you feel about the people around you; but rather, if those relationships are equally yoked, if there are questionable behaviors you're letting them slide on and how you are being treated, ask yourself who is putting as much effort into you as you are into them? Who is accountable for their errs and willing to do better, and actually shows improvement? Who is there when you need them? Who doesn't shy away from telling you the truth rather than coating your ego? Who is encouraging your growth and helping you grow? Who is supporting you?

If you stop looking at people through rose-colored lenses, the people who should matter and the ones who you are better off without will become more clear. Tunnel vision is convenient now and painful later, but that pain is preventable.