You meet, fall in love, promise to love one another until death; you disagree and fight, but nothing makes you think is this really worth it?
Months go by, years pass, your feelings go unchanged; you think god, I must really have the one, I haven’t lost any feelings for him at all. You accept that you’re finally done. You finally found “the one.”
And then things start to...darken. Fights get louder, even physical, sometimes. Nights get colder as your bed seems to rip right down the middle; what used to be little to no room between the two of you is now a gaping hole of nothing. Still, he’s “the one,” so you close your eyes to sleep, telling yourself this will pass. You convince yourself that you’re just going through a rough patch. He doesn’t mean what he says and does. He DOES love you. Remember the beginning? He loves you.
Dark times become darker, then light, then dark again...crying to sleep, waking up and being apologized to; going about the day as if nothing happened. We’re in love again, yay! Everything’s good. Constant back and forth of good terms and bad moments. Really bad moments. Still...he loves you. You love him more than anything in the world, so of course nothing can break you. Your love is too strong for that. You can survive anything. You’ll see.
First time he put his hands around your throat...you tried to cry out, but no sound seemed to creep through. It wasn’t a cry out for help, it was more of a cry to yourself; you wanted to scream at YOU, for allowing this to happen to you. You’re in love with someone who has no regard for your safety, no regard for your well being. But what do you do? You stay. You stay, hoping the good times will magically appear one day. Hoping one day he’ll wake up in tears, feeling horrible for all the things he’s said and done and ask you to forgive him, swearing on his life none of it will ever happen again.
Yes, he does apologize. Yes, he does feel bad. But does it stop? Sorry...this is not that kind of ending.
This ending is just what you’d expect to come out of this kind of story: a tragic one. One where the hopeful one gets their hopes up too high only to crash and burn as they near the bottom with nothing to catch them. It ended with tragedy. Years later, with a beautiful child to share, and it ends with an ugly battle of who did who wrong the worst. What else did you expect? He wasn’t going to change for you. He never will...
But you still love him, don’t you? Of course you do. You remember the man you fell for in the first place; the gentle, kind, softhearted man who wasn’t afraid to discuss what you made him feel—without provocation, I might add. You’re probably never going to stop loving him, as he made such an impact on you. After all, he gave you a child. But will you ever allow yourself to let him in again? Will you give him back your promise of forever? Can you bury the damage and bring back the good days? The GREAT days you miss so much?
Sad to say, but those days are done. It’s done.