The Elusive Dick Pic

So let me start with we’ve all received the unsolicited dick pic. Maybe you were impressed, and maybe you weren’t. However, we’ve all gotten one or a hundred. In fact, I got one today and thought to myself “ geez, it literally has not changed since yesterday!”

Every morning I wake up and like most of us check my phone for emails, texts, then my social media, until I finally pull my ass out of bed to start my day. Every day for over two weeks now, the same guy sends his morning shower scene which is the same as the day before. I never reply and yet I still get one every morning. I don’t know why I haven’t blocked him yet, maybe because I’m wondering how long he will keep this up until he finally gets tired of not getting a response, at this rate, I’m not sure he will.

The dick pic—I don’t understand when this phenomenon became the norm in dating or just talking. It literally makes me not respond to most messages because it seems if a woman says hello that is the equivalent to “let me see that dick.” Ladies, if you haven’t received one, count your blessings. As a former body piercer, I have seen my fair share of penis. After a bit they all become unimpressive. Usually though, if you have received one, you’ll find they’re like busses. If you missed this one, don’t worry, another is on its way.

So okay, let’s play this out, you open your DM and boom 💥 the dick pic... what is the proper response? I mean, what are they expecting you to say to them? Wow! It’s so sexy! I’ve not once felt the need to say that. Most times I’m worried whatever I say they’ll take offense to not that they were worried about offending me in the first place with said picture. Thus leaving them with unanswered questions.

Have you had that experience yet? The questions that follow if you don’t give the right response. Don’t you like it, baby? Does it turn you on? Is it big enough? Oh lord. 🙄 It makes me want to pray for these poor souls. What about my questions?!? Like, how did you come to the conclusion that this was the power move? How do you decide which women get the gift of previewing your goods? What if she says it isn’t big enough? 😱 What if she begins comparing it to the other 20+ she got today?

I guess the last question is completely irrelevant considering they had the balls (pardon the pun) of sending it in the first place. They’d just get mad and call you some sort of name and send it to the next girl. My poor feelings.

LOL, these dudes literally seem to have all the angles too. Like their phone is an arsenal of penis photo shoots. LOL, that just made me laugh. I suppose we should appreciate the efforts and lengths they go to for the opportunity of spicing up the texts. I’m sorry, fellas, I don’t mean to poke fun, but seriously... when did your conversational skills go out the window that this is now your way of impressing women?

For me, at least, if this is all you have to offer, I will quickly lose interest. If we can’t have any type of conversation besides the one that this always tries to open the door to which is sex, save your pictures. I actually do want a guy with something to say, a guy that I can be myself around, and have inside goofy jokes with. A guy I want for more than just his body. I want substance.