The Dream Date.

Oh, bloody hell! Nothing nice about the feeling of oneself, on the verge of pissing themselves in the car, when they’re about to go on a picnic date! Why the hell did I open and consume that second big can of energy drink? It’s not like I’m actually that tired or anything. Nervous as hell, but not tired...... okay maybe a little tired but that’s from the nerves – you see for the first time in ages, this old duck is going on a date! A real date, with a real guy! A man! A real man! Laugh now but this is a big thing for me.

So, I'm a single parent, with two kids. Great kids. Hmm *insert eye roll ha-ha, but we as parents always say that, don’t we? We all think our children are the greatest and smartest and so forth, but I’ll happily admit mine are a pair of assholes at the best of times! So, hence my dilemma, I’ve remained single for a while. Not because of their behaviour, but as the main care giver of the darlings, they’re always my one and only priority,

Sure, I have an amicable relationship with their Father, he’s a good guy, new wife, she’s lovely, I even went to the wedding (it was so much better than ours!) but I never felt like I needed that again. The husband, family life, house in suburbia and that. I’m happy with what I have, it’s not much but I love my life........ that was until he popped up one day! You know, the guy! The real guy!

It was like something out of a movie, literally. I was walking down the aisle of the grocery store, health food I think, or was it dairy? Anyway, it was a Friday night and I’d just dropped off the gremlins to their Dad’s, and now craving some snacks as I fully intended to do a massive Netflix binge when I got home, when there he was, in all his magnificent glory.... well okay, it wasn’t that great to be honest, he was filthy as he’d clearly been at work – a tradesman it turns out, and he was wearing shorts and a ripped t-shirt with grease all over it, smart modern haircut and a beard you could sit there playing with all night long! Low and behold as well, he was standing right in front of the sugar free treats I wanted...... Shit! I couldn’t look any drabber if I tried, wearing ripped aged skinny Levi jeans, the baggiest holey GAP jumper I just pulled out of my wardrobe and the oldest pair of converses I own! No make-up except the remnants of what I had on last night when experimenting with some new eye shadow pallets, whilst watching the latest YouTube tutorial that’s trending and my hair resembles something like a messy bun a bird constructed whilst high! Seriously ground, swallow me up now!

“Excuse me, hi! Ummm Could I please just get to those snacks?” I could have just died trying to ask that as even though he’d clearly come from work, he smelt so bloody delicious! Like a cross between wood chips, sweat and aftershave, rolled into one! Oh, my goodness, get a grip woman!

“Yer, sure thing angel, sorry I’m in the way, story of my life” he chuckled – a sound that resembled a car purring first thing, waiting to take off for the mornings journey...... *sigh

“HA! That’s okay, you can get in my way any day!” ....... Bloody hell! Where did that major cheese ball line come from girlfriend? Stop it now! I start to cringe and die inside at the line that just passed my now open lips, and can only imagine what this poor gorgeous, so frigging gorgeous, Adonis is thinking of this clumsy drab looking thing in front of him *insert internal major face palm! Kill me now!

“Did you seriously just use that line on me? That’s cute! I got to say, that’s a new one. Not heard that before” he chuckles again ….... yep, I’ve bet you heard them all in your time you goddamn sex machine – seriously girl, walk away now before you really make a fool of yourself! I go to turn around and make a panic dash away …... “Hey, didn’t you want to get some snacks angel?” Oh, shit that’s right, idiot! As I awkwardly turn back to face him again, our eyes lock and wow!! They’re bluer than the ocean, with lashes you’d pay hundreds for! The gaze is held for a good second, and then he breaks it, slightly gushing as he utters “So eat snacks you want?” Sorry what? “I mean what, what snacks do you want?” …..... Aww did he seriously do that? The sweet innocent thing got tongue tie and himself in a fluster too?

“Umm, yes! I want snacks! How silly of me to forget hey, too many thoughts occupied in my mind at the moment” Yep, like he’s going to believe that but anyway. I reach across the shelf and grab the veggie chips and chuck them in the basket. I’m trying to do better with mine and the kids eating you see, less sugar, that kind of thing and I really have an addiction to the health food aisle, and the last thing kids need is more bloody sugar, am I right?!

“They any good? I've not tried them you see and I’m trying to eat properly since I got my own place. You know, no take outs, junk food, all that jazz” ….... Is he for real? He's actually attempting to spark up conversation with me? Is he feeling, okay? I mean, he even just dropped the whole ‘I live by myself’ in there too! Is that a sign? Surely this hunk can’t be single, can he?

“They’re good, if you normally eat a lot of crisps or chips, they’re a better alternative, I guess. Those ones are good too” I mention, as I point towards this other orange looking tube snack packet. “Plus, most stuff in this aisle is much better for you than the regular crap in aisle six, or is five? Anyway, I recommend it all” I chuckled, “I've tried it all”.

“What about you?” ...... what the hell? Did he just say that?

“Umm, sorry?” ….. “What about me?”

“Well, are you a better alternative? Compared to the rest of the others” ....... As he nods towards a group of women staring down the aisle in his direction, this devilish, but warm smirk starts crawling across his face, like he knows he’s just hit a soft spot in me!

“Auh, I guess! Depends on what you want to compare me to I suppose?” I honestly can’t believe what’s happening right now! Or the shit I’m about to say that follows. “Look, I am a single Mum. I have two kids. I’m divorced too. I have baggage as they say, kinda think of me as one of those multi packs even, you know, you get one big packet, that’s filled with little packets? That’s me and my life” EEK! What the hell girlfriend! Hang on a sec, why is he smiling and why is he not running away right now? Is he deranged? Sick? Deaf? “Did I say something that amuses you?”

“No not at all angel, it's just refreshing to hear such honesty from someone as pretty as yourself” …... Ah okay, he has poor eyesight, I get it now!

“You know there’s an optometrist just down the road that’s good, you should get those blue eyes of yours checked, they seem to be broken!” I know I shouldn’t bag myself out, it’s not a good self-esteem kind of thing, but I honestly look like a hot mess right now! Unless that’s the part he sees and likes? The hot bit? Who am I kidding! The guy is like something from a Calvin Klein ad!

“Ha! There is absolutely nothing wrong with my eyesight doll, I can see what’s in front of me just fine! Nice makeup by the way! Are you an artist? Or did the kids give you a mini make over?” ..... Oh god, the makeup!! I did check it before I left the house but clearly not as well as I’d hoped! Damn his eyesight must be good!

“Very funny smarty pants! If you must know, I was just playing around watching some tutorials, should the occasion ever arise that I may gain a social life again and get taken out!” Oh my! Did I unknowingly just drop that hint at him, that I have no social life and may want to go out again one day, with another human being? What a noodle head!

“What the hell? You don’t go out? Like at all? Not even with girlfriends?” …. Why does he seem so surprised? I mean I’m a single Mother, I just told him that, didn’t I?

“Well, I’m not saying I don’t think about going out, I just never get the chance to due to ‘cause you know, babysitters and all that, cost money, and then who do you get? Do you trust them? Are they any good in case of an emergency?”

“What about when you don’t have the kids?” ……. Yer good point, no one ever wants to go out or catch up when I don’t have the kids! Dammit! For some reason he actually seems, genuinely curious about my lack of social life!

“Um, I normally just try and catch up on stuff at home” I said, blushing, so ashamed and sheepish. I mean come on girl, you’ve been single long enough, get back out there! Get a life and live a little again!

That wickedly and handsome grin gets drawn across that devilish and strong face again, oh my god what is he thinking now? Eek!

“Sooooooo, when are you kid free again?” He says with a little bit of nervous husky rasp added in for extra effect almost! Well it worked, I could of melted into his arms there and then and declared I want his babies! What the actual hell?? “I mean, you know, if you’re not busy, maybe you’d let me take you out for an evening?” For an evening? A whole evening? Bloody hell….. I can feel the crimson flush appearing on my face right now, oh the shame!

“Really?….. You want to go out with me?”

“That’s what I just said isn’t it?” Why is he still grinning? I really think he’s got eye problems. He can’t be seeing what’s in front of him, what I saw in the mirror before I left home! “If you’re free this weekend, which I’m going to hazard a guess you might be because you’re shopping alone, we could do tomorrow afternoon? Or evening? Whatever suits you best”

“Either or both sounds good to me!”…. Wow! That just made me sound so desperate then, like the poor guy will think he’s got a stage five clinger on is hands ha ha. “I’m sorry, I mean as in I’m easy” *insert another face palm moment you idiot! “I mean, I’m not that kind of easy, you know, more as in I’m happy to go along with whatever suits you! I’m sure you’re a very busy and popular guy”

“Well, too easy. Let’s say tomorrow afternoon, about 3pm? I’ll meet you out the front of here? That way we can grab some snacks again and how about a bottle of wine too, your choice, and we can go have a picnic somewhere close by or if you don’t mind a drive, we can go to the beach?”

Wow did he just become a whole new level of awesome? Picnic and wine? That’s almost ‘old school’ and romantic! What the blazing saddles does a girl say to that offer? Ha ha what do you think….. “I think that sounds absolutely lovely!….. I am happy to drive too, seeing as the beach is so nice here, and I don’t get to it nearly enough! If that’s okay with you too?”

“Yer that’s cool by me, I only have my work truck and it’s an absolute male mess, you know, tools everywhere and that!….. By the way, the name’s Dean…… and who do I have the pleasure of their company tomorrow?”

“oh my god, I'm so sorry, I’m Eloise, but most people call me Lou….. or Mum, but don’t call me that, that would just be a bit weird?”

Why the hell did I just say that? Could I possibly make myself any more awkward and appear like a goofball? My kids would be so embarrassed of me right now if they could see this going on!

“Okay then…. Lou, I’ll go now and meet you back here tomorrow afternoon, at 3 pm. Dress casual and no pressure!”

“Ha! No pressure, okay, that sounds great….. Dean. Don’t be a no show hey”

“I don’t think you’d be able to stop me if you tried Lou” and then he did this most glorious wink and I am pretty sure I instantly blushed! Goddammit woman, pull yourself together for crying out loud!

I reckon I stood there for another five minutes, after watching this Adonis, Dean the spunky tradie, walk away from me, after all, he just asked me out on a date! Me! I mean, I looked a mess! Okay though but according to him it was obviously a hot mess right?! Why else would all of that have just happened? Fate? Who knows, but all I do know is that I have a date tomorrow afternoon, with a guy who looks he just like walked off one of those television home renovation shows! Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket now?

I’m home alone from the shops, had a quick bite to eat, so now obviously, all I can think about is what to wear tomorrow! So how casual is casual? I can’t be seen in anything like I’m dressed now…. He doesn’t need to see this get up for a while again. Wow, listen to me, I’m talking as if there’s going to be an again! Ha! One can hope and dream guess. Ah ha! Found it, my favourite little floral skater dress, now where’s my denim jacket?…. Ah there you are, and shoes, shoes….. hmmm where the hell are those pink converses I bought the other week? Of course you’re still in the box on the top shelf, where else would you be! Man I need a drink! Where’s that bottle of Merlot I bought yesterday. A glass of Merlot and a nibble on some dark chocolate at night has become my go to thing lately. It helps soothe away the day’s drama with work and kids! It’s Mummy’s me time! Right, now, sexy underwear? Who am I kidding!! As if I’d have any! Let’s just see if I can find anything that might remotely match up! Bingo! Black knickers, yer okay, they’re not the most flattering pair but hey, he’s not going to be seeing them on a first date is he. Now bra? Ah yes, the good old black tee shirt one, perfect! Outfit sorted…….. now, that glass of red and a bubble bath are in order I feel!

God, that bath was just what I needed! Smell all nice and quite frankly delicious. Will have to have another one tomorrow when getting ready I think…… soothe and calm the nerves and make one smell good enough to eat! Well, we are going on a picnic after all.

As my alarm was clearly turned off, due to it being a weekend with no kids and no sport activities to go to, I didn’t really anticipate just how long I’d actually sleep in for. I know I didn’t have the best night’s sleep, due to some anxiety about today, but still, I was now running around like a headless chicken, trying to find my razors and shower gel so I can do my legs and that, because I’ve not enough time to enjoy and dwell my thought’s away in a bubble smell delicious bath, like I planned, and wash this mess of a head of hair, blow dry and then straighten it. At least one thing I don't have to stress about is going crazy on make up! We shall go with a nice natural minimal make up look I reckon, you know, little bit of base, some blush, mascara and lip balm should do it!

Holy crap it’s nearly two thirty already! Where the hell has the last four hours just gone please? Oh my goodness, I feel sick, and not in a good way, more like I need to go sit in the bathroom for ages kind of way! Get a grip girlfriend! It’s just a simple picnic date! You’d think I was about to meet royalty or a celebrity!

Car keys? Check. Purse in hand bag with phone and lip gloss? Check. House is locked up and I have put keys in said hand bag? Check. Right lets do this! Crap, it’s about twenty minutes to town and I’ve not had a coffee yet. I know, I’ll grab a couple of energy drinks at the service station in a sec, when I get the fuel. That’ll perk me up and give us some energy based courage! Or so I thought……. As this now brings me to the current predicament I was describing at the very start, because in the space of twenty minutes, I consumed both cans of energy drinks, not out of want, but more nerves, so now one is absolutely busting at the seams to go to the toilet! Man I just hope he’s not there yet, so I can run in and use the public rest room at the shops! This is so embarrassing, as I shuffle out of my car, and across the car park, and into the shops. Phew, no sign of the hunk just yet!

Okay, one mad manic dash to loo done and dusted, rechecked outfit choice and make up is on point, this Mamma Bear is looking fine! Oh shit! There is he and he looks so much bloody better looking than I remember! I’m never going to be able to hold myself together! Keep it cool Lou, you’ve got this!

“Well hello there Dean, looking mighty good there? I hope you’ve not been here long?” I say this nervously as I notice he already has several bags full of stuff already.

“Well I'll admit I did get here a little earlier, so I could get some stuff ready and organised. I hope you don’t mind though. I saw you come flying in before and you looked like you were in an urgent hurry? Was everything okay?”

“Yep! Yep, everything was just grand. Okay, so if you have all the food organised, I’ll grab us some wine? Is a red okay? Like a Merlot? I always find it goes well with cheeses and picnic stuff”

“That sounds fantastic Lou, I reckon it will be perfect. Just like your outfit by the way! Very cute indeed. I approve of this look. Not saying that last night’s outfit of choice was bad though” Yes of course not ha ha! How can any thing be in comparison to that glamorous array of clothing *insert another internal face palm!

Mean while I’ve picked up a bottle of red, paid and we start walking over to the car. This is it I thought…… I’m finally doing it. I’m finally going out on a date. A real date, with a real man. A nice man too! So nice! And just to fill you in, the date went well. So well in fact we now have date number two lined up and three! The ex has even offered to have the kids for nights too, so Dean and I can, well you know, be grown ups!

It always amazes me how I could go out looking some days, all nice and pretty and not see a single attractive man, but I go out one time looking like a sack of potatoes, with make up that looks like I should be in Ru Paul’s Drag Race, and I some how managed to snag the man of my dreams, as he is simply just perfect and better yet, he thinks I am too. Warts and fumbling anxiety ridden flaws an all. Even says he wouldn’t have me any other way as that’s what makes me, me. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got a glass of wine to finish, and a bubble bath to sink into!

THE END.