The Distortion of Authority

“You don’t want to end up like your sister,” were words spoken by my parents and grandpa. They brought this up anytime she did something that “damaged” the family image. That resulted in me being pushed to be the perfect child for my parents, and in my sister proving her worth. In time, I would stop doing things that made them happy and focus on what made me happy. To which they appeared to hate. As for my sister, she suffered a mild stroke in her early 30s that doctors believe could possibly be stress-induced. She continues to overwork without rest. Their comments seemed intended to control how we lived our lives. Quite the opposite of leadership. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed authority being used as control.

Vera had a boss, Mr. Thumb, who was known for his inappropriate comments. He did this daily and further ridiculed you if you couldn’t “take a joke”. He would make fun of women for being flat-chested or having a flat behind. There was always an audience, but nobody seemed to stop him or report him. Mr. Thumb was heavyset with very little neck. He once made one too many comments about Vera’s behind being as flat as an ironing board, and she finally fought fire with fire. Vera had grown more comfortable with their manager/employee relationship. She said simply, “I’d rather have a flat butt than have no neck.” He claimed he had a neck, and Vera continued, “Where? I can’t see it. I don’t see it anywhere.” There was laughter from other employees.

Mr. Thumb’s inappropriate comments stopped with Vera. It appears that his behavior only stopped when he was personally targeted. Retaliation stopped his behavior, not authority. How funny is it when the person who ridicules only stops when they are ridiculed themselves?

Vera once worked for another company where she was respected for her work ethic and performance. Mr. Despot, one of the supervisors, hired Ms. Rancor for a management position. There was a task she was having issues understanding. When she notified Mr. Despot, he brushed her off and had Vera take over the task. This task did not come with extra pay. Vera attempted to teach her how to do the task. Once they notified Mr. Despot of her progress, he said he was only comfortable with Vera handling the task. This only seemed to anger Ms. Rancor. Rumors started to spread throughout the office about Ms. Rancor’s dislike of Vera. Mr. Despot went to confront her with the allegations, and she claimed they were untrue because it was he she didn’t like. Despite her comments, rumors still continued that she couldn’t stand Vera and him. She left the company a couple of weeks after.

Mr. Despot appeared to create a hostile work setting for everyone involved. He kept the tasks on Vera despite Ms. Rancor’s improved understanding of the material. He used his authority to overwork Vera and undermine Ms. Rancor. If you ask me, that makes no sense.

Vera had started a new job in a position that they split into two. Ms. Saboteur and the company had a disagreement over a raise, so she decided to give her two weeks. She would brag to Vera about how established she was and that they were losing someone great. Vera received a week of training, and after Ms. Saboteur left, the work she showed Vera how to do was coming back with issues. She had noticed that the other girl who took the other half of the work was having issues as well. She eventually left after a couple of months. When Vera was questioned, she showed her notes and claimed that this is how she was trained. Once corrected, Vera noticed that most of the notes she had taken would only fail her in that position.

Luckily, Vera found a handbook on how to use the program she had been misled about. Once Vera left the position for a better opportunity elsewhere, she created an entire workbook for it. Anyone who started in that position could easily open that book, find what they needed, and teach themselves what to do. To this day, they still use it to help anyone who goes into that position. Ms. Saboteur provided training that caused confusion, while Vera provided an entire workbook to help anyone who replaced her and future employees for that position.

From what I've seen, authority is not the same as leadership. People can have the authority to tell you how things are done all day. That doesn't mean they are leading people to greatness. It seems that some people use authority to control, kind of how my parents' expectations controlled my sister and me. They were our authority figures after all.

When using your authority, is it to lead or control?