The Distance Isn't So Bad

About a year and a half ago, I met my boyfriend Jason. I met him over a dating app, not expecting it to actually turn into anything so I didn't get my hopes up when he asked me to meet for coffee. I had previously went out a couple times with a guy from the same site, but it turned into a disaster so the fling ended as fast as it started. Because of that, I was skeptical to try again with someone else. Needless to say, I met Jason the very next morning after we started messaging each other the previous night. We met at the Dunkin' Donuts down the road from my parent's house and surprisingly he was staying literally right down the road from me. I ended up running super late for our first encounter, but I barely cared if I showed up to find he had already left. I wasn't going to even give it a second thought because why should he wait 45 minutes for a complete stranger? That was not the case, though. I walked in and realized instantly how his profile pictures had not done him any justice. I was taken aback by how attractive he was. He greeted me with his perfect smile and bought me a coffee. He introduced himself and started up conversation. Jason asked me a lot about myself and he was willing to share a lot about his life as well. I don't need to explain his life details and past experiences, because the main topic here is that I found out he was stationed in Okinawa, Japan and he was on leave for Christmas to see his family. I knew he was in the military because of his profile on the app but I didn't give it much thought. I guess I assumed he was working somewhere close, maybe he wasn't even enlisted anymore. He still had around three weeks before he went back and wanted to meet someone new, whether it was just going to be a small fling or a friendship, but wasn't expecting a serious relationship to form any more than I did.

I left our meeting to fulfill other responsibilities that day and he went back to his home, but I definitely felt a jolt of new energy. I was thinking about him constantly and we would keep messaging each other for a few days. I still kept my guard up because I didn't want to get hurt again. I only had one real relationship before this but it lasted nearly four years and ended very badly. Then there was the other previous bad encounter with someone from the same app. I wasn't going to rush into anything, especially since he was going back to Okinawa for a whole year. However, once New Years Eve was around the corner, he really wanted to spend it with me. I already had plans to go party with my friend Alexandrea and her boyfriend in Pittsburgh so I felt like just inviting him out of the blue and still not knowing him very well was not a good idea. I talked to Alex about it and she insisted that I bring him along so I have someone to dance with and enjoy since it was obvious I really liked him anyways. So long story short, he came to the city with me, we all went clubbing, drank, danced, let loose, ended up at a rave, and welcomed the new year with one of the best nights I ever had. Jason and I ended up as a couple. We fell for each other and decided that we'd give it a try at the whole long-distance relationship thing. We spent the last days of his leave just hanging out, going to restaurants, watching movies, and I got to meet his family. We formed a pretty tight bond and shared many of the same beliefs, hobbies, and humor. It was like too good to be true.

The night before he left to catch a plane back to the island, we sat on the couch and talked about how we were going to try and make this work once he's gone. We could make some kind of schedule to FaceTime. I could say this then and still say it now; Jason is one of the most positive and strong individuals I have ever met. I don't know if it has been his hardships from his past or the military life, or both, but it has made him into this extremely brave man and I envied that. It has influenced me to be a better person since. Anyways, he was trying to keep me optimistic about it and hoped that I wouldn't give up. Yes I was worried about it, but I didn't want to let him go. I worried about him getting bored of me and/or ending it because it was way too long to wait for someone. I gave him a hug and didn't want to ever let go. I held him tight and he eventually had to pry me off. He gave me one of his exquisite kisses and we said our goodbyes. I drove off and he waved at me standing on the porch while the snow fell peacefully. 2017 was going to be an interesting year as I returned to college and tried to keep a relationship from the other side of the world. I was ready for it.

Jason and I called each other and tried to FaceTime as much as possible. It was going great and we had fun conversations as we kept getting to know each other. He kept me sane as I struggled with school sometimes and got burnt out. I would give him words of encouragement as he had bad days and struggled with being stuck on the island. Through all this, I got to know his best friend, Jace, who was also in the military but was still in the US at the time. Jason not only had a long-distance connection to me, but his childhood friend as well. We all were far away from each other, but still had some epic conversations together. We still do, including one of Jace's other friends too. We formed a little family which consisted of sending memes almost daily. I also kept in contact with his mother and got to know her more. As the months went on, we grew even more close. I got so excited when his name popped up on my phone. He played his harmonica and sang for me and always made me laugh. We sent each other gifts through the mail and he eventually got me into the world of gaming as he got me an Xbox One for my birthday. I never was a gamer but he was thrilled to drag me into it even though I am not good at all. Him and his friends would have me play with them and it was a stressful yet hilarious way to spend time together. My skills have yet to be desired but that's okay. I can admire his talents with it for now.

I will admit, I would and still do get anxiety. Because of modern technology with FaceTime and Facebook messenger, being in a long-distance relationship is a thousand times easier than it was a decade or two ago. On the other hand, it still comes with days of worry and stomach aches because something suddenly changed. Such as we would talk for a week straight and suddenly he couldn't talk for a couple days. That change in communication can cause my brain to go wild with "what ifs" and negative thoughts but I kept telling myself I could trust him and when I would explain my anxiety to him, he always reassured me in the most loving ways and helped me gain my smile back. He admitted he would get paranoid too when I would go out with friends or when I couldn't answer the phone. We are so far away from each other and we could do so many ungodly things and betray one another constantly without the other one ever knowing. That isn't hard to realize, but we still kept our trust in each other and put constant effort in. All anyone has in this type of relationship is trust. So, yes, it does come with days of worry, doubt, scary dreams, etc. I will never tell anyone it is super easy. If it is true love, the time will go faster than you think and you will hold on to each other so tightly. You will keep the courage to be patient until he or she comes home. If it is true love, it is possible in every way.

Before I knew it, the year had went by and Jason was coming home for Christmas again. This notion of him coming back was what kept me going throughout the year; gave me something to really look forward to. This time, I was picking him up from the airport. That night I went to get him made me the most anxious I had ever been in my life in all the best ways. I got all dressed up and could not wait to jump on him to give him a massive hug and smother him with all the love I saved for him. I know it sounds really mushy but hey, we hadn't seen each other in person for a year. That's exactly what happened too. We found each other at opposite ends of the hallway and ran towards each other with open arms. It felt like a dream that he was actually right there with me.

We made this past Christmas the best that it could be. We used our time to the best of our ability and made incredible memories. I got to meet the rest of his family and had a blast with them too. Neither of us wanted his time home to end. Obviously, this departure was going to be so much more difficult than the first time. I didn't want to take him back to the airport. I was overwhelmed with sadness but we still made the best of the last day. He was strong for me and once again reassured me that he loved me and it wasn't going to be a whole year of waiting this round; only eight months this time, so much better than twelve. My heart hurt seeing him walk away to get on his plane. I had to go back to my apartment alone. The first couple weeks of us going back to our normal lives was not easy. I couldn't stay in my apartment alone very long and Jason's roommate even said he seemed depressed when he arrived in Okinawa. However, before he left he had written a cute message in the leather journal he got me for Christmas. I left a small note in his front pocket of his book bag. He also left coins all over my apartment because the whole time he was home, I kept finding them falling out of his bag or pockets so he deliberately left them all over the place for me to find as a funny gesture. It made me laugh and not feel so alone when I first arrived back at my place after taking him to the airport.

Things are better now, we are back to our normal schedules and talk almost every day. We talk about our future together a lot and I hope with every fiber of my being that it becomes a reality. Jason is one of the best guys I could ever have met. Neither of us are close to perfect, but that's what makes it interesting, right? I feel blessed to have this experience, grateful for how much we've learned to appreciate each other. When you're in a long-distance scenario, it forces you to appreciate every aspect of that person and every minute they can give you. Couples sometimes take each other for granted because they know they'll always be around and assume they can see their person whenever. Being with a man in the military is so different. Of course I can't wait for the day we can hopefully live together and be there for each other more. No one wants to be apart any longer than they have to be. However, the moral of my story is this: if you end up in a relationship like mine, don't assume it is going to fail. Society has such a negative view of long-distance couples—not that they are lame but that they just don't work. Yes, there are many couples that didn't make it over a stretch of departure. But there are couples who haven't spent more than a day apart and still failed. If your person is worth it, it is definitely worth a fighting chance, whether it's over a military deployment, other career change, or whatever the reason. It isn't all butterflies and rainbows, not any relationship is. Try to make it work. Try to show that person what they mean to you by sticking by their side through their good and bad, their time sitting right next to you and their time far away.

I am a living testament that this works. Jason and I have spent over a year now connecting over our cell phones. So if you're sitting there wondering how you can be away from someone that long, just remember modern technology can be a beautiful thing and it is totally possible. If it is meant to be, it'll be, so they say. Every moment that Jason spends in Okinawa, Japan and I spend in Ohio is worth it. I told him I would do this a thousand times if I had to. He is worth the struggle. Being in an amazing relationship is possible from the other side of the world.