The Dilemmas Of I Love Yous
A slow but noticeable change of perceptions
"I love you"
A phrase which dictates harboring strong emotions to a certain someone. Why just emotions? Because love can also end up making us harbor a lot of resentment towards that person.
When love is too strongly felt, it mostly leads to ruin yet the irony of it is that even though a lot of the advice people give is to always love yourself more, a lot of people find it hard to do so.
Because once a love is so strongly felt, it is almost like a point of no return. We plummet so hard and ignore warning signs that might seem obvious to others, even when they try to tell us that this person is no good for us.
When it comes time to finally split up, we will go to our friends and tell them how they were right from the beginning, that they were star-crossed lovers.
Some even resort to berating their ex-partner when they once had felt so much love for them. Why does this happen? From personal experience, there are a couple things that went through in order for resentment to develop.
When I went through a break up, I realized that hate only follows love when someone cannot cope with their emotions of having lost that person. No matter how toxic that partner was, the right thing to do was just to forgive and forget. Why harbor more resentment to a person that might not even care in the first place?
I have also learned that feeling hate for said person could also be because it somewhat makes us feel better for making the mistake of loving them in the first place because it is only now that you realize the toxic traits that once went unnoticed.
To explain it with science, a group of neuroscientists once gathered a group of people and tested to see which parts of their brain were active when looking at someone they hated.
Much to their surprise, the brain regions activated during this activity were the putamen and insula. The same exact regions where love and passion were thought to reside.
The simple conclusion from this is that love and hate are formed by the same parts of the brain. But how can they be interrelated? This is because when a person feels hate, a small part of their cerebral cortex associated with judgement is deactivated.
Whereas when someone feels love, they usually tend to be less judgmental of the person they love. They have a tendency to look over their flaws and come to terms with it (for a while at least).
The takeaway here is that as people, we need to be able to sort out our own emotions by coming into terms with how we feel about certain things or people with clear judgement and reasoning. Comprehending why you feel the way you do is always a good first step into solving this absolute hate you feel.
Ask yourself whether it really is worth your time and energy to hate on this one thing or person when you could've been doing so many other things to enrich yourself. Along with that, ask yourself whether it is just your way of compensating the feeling of hurt they caused you. If so, are you just not forgiving yourself for falling into a trap? Or have you really come to despise the person you once adored?
Ultimately, we needn't spend a lot of our precious time in this world loathing a person who most likely have already moved on way before as we have too little time to harbor those feelings. Instead, we must try our best to improve ourselves and forget about that person or thing.
Curtin, Melanie. “Ever Hated Someone You Used to Madly Love? Neuroscience Says You're Normal.” Inc.com, Inc., 24 Feb. 2018, https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/ever-hated-someone-you-used-to-madly-love-neuroscience-says-youre-normal.html.
About the author
Originally from Indonesia, currently living in Vancouver BC. A horror and thriller enthusiast who hopes to make readers stay hooked in their seats! So grab your blankets and take a seat, there’s plenty more on this page to seek.