The Departure of Empathy

Empathy: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.”

We have all seen it. The doctor who does not care for the patient whatsoever says, “You must get the vaccine or you can’t receive a kidney.” It may be a kidney, a liver, or a blood transfusion, but we have all heard of it or experienced it. A combat veteran at the VA hospital says to his psychiatrist, “I can’t sleep no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I work; I have horrible dreams that keep me awake.” The doctor tells him that he will not prescribe sleeping pills because some will abuse it. “But I can’t sleep! What am I supposed to do? I am seeing little green men, and I fall asleep at the wheel.” With no empathy the veteran is sent away with no more than sleep exercises. How did this happen? How did society so quickly churn out a cold generation of doctors and nurses that have no heart for their patients? Not just doctors, but whole cities of millions in China who are literally roped off with hazard tape and hazmat suits every five feet to keep everyone ‘safe’ in a ‘zero-covid’ national policy of containment. Yes. We have all seen it.

The departure of empathy is endemic. It is a solid mix of poor ethics and tyranny where the doctor, or authority dismisses all feeling for the afflicted and merely continues his job. He must apply his sanctified solution to all cases, and never think outside the box. Do what the authorities tell you, and point the finger later. The tears don’t matter. The families don’t matter. The man who kills himself because of no empathy doesn’t matter. All becomes mere careerism. Careerism.

What is a bedside manner? You know it because you had a parent who hugged you when it hurt; who came running in that dark hour. You had a sibling that bound your wound as you bit the leather consoling. Consolation and adaptation in the name of pain is the heart of empathy. That is a bedside manner. Not just to soothe with words, but to change the treatment based upon the real pain, the real need of the patient. Yes. You had an empathetic experience once with that amazing person who really listened and applied his genius to your wounds. Remember him, remember her because humanity needs you to. Yes. I am talking to you.

We care nothing for a patient when we deny his person. It is so easy. You look down at the pain completely outside it, stare, and do nothing. Not just a doctor or nurse, but when you, a parent or friend sit by and do nothing, even if all you can do is hug the person affirming the pain, you become the problem. Everyone can do something. One to console, one to bind, one to call the doctor; one to fetch water. Yes. We all can do something.

The departure of empathy stems from a deep societal rift. In the last few decades society has been disconnected from reality. You know it. You have seen it. You see your children sit all day on their devices. Addicted. You see that guy walking around all day with the iPhone in his hand even if he is not using it. Addicted. You see a couple on a date who say nothing to each other staring down at a screen. Addicted. Misdirected. From the movies to the laptop, the sports bar, and yes, the iPhone (autocorrect literally just made me capitalize the ‘p’ in that made-up word). That is where we are. Virtual reality in all forms has taken the great majority of us and converted humans base pleasure-seekers with easy access to everything under the sun. Dopamine-hooked screen-faced idiots. We are trained to have an easy, disconnected life, and when an emergency arises, that uncomfortable, inconvenient moment where you should act; almost all freeze up. They do nothing and stare. A man could be dying in the street and ninety percent of people will look the other way or look at Facebook. Do-nothingism is leading society to destruction. A place of no empathy and mere careerism. A place of fear and tyranny, of base-pleasure and misdirection. A place of no good action, a place of no real morality. Awful.

But there is hope. It starts with you. Right now. Where is your phone? You know where it is. Where are your kids? What are they doing? What’s their best friend’s name? Do they have a best friend? How much time do you spend on the screen? You can easily find out. Ten hours a week? Fifty? A hundred? How much time have you spent in that virtual world that ought to be given to the real one that matters? Where is your Bible? Have you read to your kids lately? Have you even thought about this? Your mind must be re-trained to this world or else their minds are doomed. You must lead as your ancestors did.

Let me tell you a story. A boy was born perfect as all children are born perfect. He liked the woods and to run, he loved the forts he and his brothers built and he was as bright as the sun. He sat around the fire and joked. He looked at the stars and wondered. Then, he discovered the LCII Macintosh Computer. It was a painfully slow thing that had a few games. There is a picture of him playing on it in 1993. Young and perfect. Another picture was taken in 1996. Same desk, different computer. Faster, better. Another was taken in 2002. Way faster, way better. On and on he grew up in the same hunched position. Same desk, same messy room, same posters; different pets. He spent his whole life with what he loves best. The screen. The people came and went, the pets came and went; the sun came and went. Sitting Days upon it without going outside. Was it snowing out? He hardly noticed as he mastered his virtual world. When asked how he could stay on the computer so long, he replied that he felt wrong not being on it. No job was held for more than a few weeks, and that majority of his family threw their hands up not knowing what to do. He seemed happy, but he sure didn’t feel happy. This isn’t fiction. This is a real story. Sound familiar?

It is up to you. You and you alone must break this coming generational illness. The curse of the immediate future is the screen, and you must deny it. Deny means discipline. Cut it down to a few times a day and let them see you do it. Better yet, confine it to home and home only. Yes. It is possible. There was a life before this, and it was ten times better than any rise you may get from the screen. Time is a gift if you’ll recognize it. But they won’t recognize it unless you do. Recognize that your loved ones are finite in this world. If you won’t, they won’t. You must avoid at all costs that day when you realize that they were right in front of you your whole life and now they’re gone. Gone forever. The day when you realize your screen was more important than spending time with them. You must save us all from that day. Yes. Empathy starts with you.

Photo Credit: Hanne Lore Koehler