The Cause and Effect of Modern Divorce

Lack of emotional intimacy leads to anger and resentment in the same manner that differences in appetite for sexual pleasure do. Infidelity often starts as an innocent, seemingly harmless friendship that begins on an emotional level and soon manifests at a physical level.

Nevertheless, research has proven that there is a multitude of different factors that equally contribute to long periods of separation which is followed by divorce.

1. It’s Not You, It’s The Money

Sadly, the business of divorce has become such an increasingly prevalent decision in the modern world that it has degenerated into a full-fledged industry within the field of law.

The vast majority of attorneys who specialize in this particular jurisdiction have stated that divorce is primarily instigated by financial problems. While money does not sever the emotional ties between spouses by itself, living in poverty or in severe economic constraints inevitably leads to countless arguments whose consistency can force partners to consider divorce.

Furthermore, differences in the manner in which one spends their limited resources are also difficult to navigate in a marriage with severe monetary constraints. As one person desires to spend more on healthcare, the other wishes to keep the savings for retirement or for their child’s college fund.

After 7 consecutive years of decline from 2003 to 2010, rates of divorce increased by a factor as high as 5 percent just 3 years after the 2008 economic crisis and recession. A similar pattern can be observed in 1993 during the smaller recession which lasted from 1990 to 1992 with the H.W. Bush Administration.

2. Addictions

Another popular citation amongst divorce lawyers for primary cause and effect includes various addictions shared by either one spouse or both. Such addictions are the most common response for hijacking the mind and becoming the main priority in one’s life, from drugs such as alcohol, cocaine, opioids to behavioral obsessions such as work and sex.

These endless cravings wreak havoc on not just a marriage but an entire family as well, often crippling one’s ability to meet their daily responsibilities as a lover, a parent, and as a provider of the family’s income.

Addictions don’t immediately trigger the end of a life-long relationship contract, as it often takes years of attempted assistance, support, and encouragement to quit before the other spouse gives up all hope and pulls the plug.

However, one could claim that addictions fall under a more broad category known as extraordinary circumstances. Aside from addictions, these situations have the capacity to sever the bonds of even the most passionate couples in the world and often include horrific events such as the passing of a child or a diagnosis of cancer from the hospital.

3. Low Self-Esteem Is The Worst Matchmaker

The pain of illness or loss can very often place too heavy a burden on the relationship and destroy any positive energy that maintained ties in the first place. Of course, many other strong couples can endure and even grow strong from said traumas by honoring the needs of their partner and their grieving methods.

Certain individuals are naturally impulsive creatures who are noted for their tendency to take extreme leaps of risk on a regular basis or who possess a significant lack of self-esteem. They are most prone to jumping headfirst into marriage being highly or sometimes completely incompatible with their spouse.

Cheating and/or divorce is often the inevitable consequence when the basic incompatibility lies in sex and the bedroom, yet in circumstances in which core moral and life values differ in topics of religion, living space and location, the manner in which one lives and spends their days will naturally generate friction over time.

In more common scenarios, one will enter a marriage after being in a relationship with the other for several years in which no significant alteration in their beliefs or behavior was observed. However, throughout the course of the marriage, the moment in which a spouse undergoes a change in their personality, appearance, or otherwise can create an incompatibility so strong that the spouse observing said change would never have entered a relationship with the other in the first place having known about this side of the person.

Despite this, incompatibility can often be repaired or assisted with superior communication and counseling. Still, incompatibility often results in what is perhaps the most popular citation in widely publicized celebrity divorces known as irreconcilable differences. By definition, this concept states that there are too many problems, arguments, differences of opinion, abuse, or behavior that can be repaired to save the marriage.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

Film, magazines, music, television shows, and novels have created generations of hopeless romantics over the past 50 to 60 years and have also established dangerously flawed expectations for couples that proceed to take their relationship to the ultimate level in the modern world.

These unrealistic expectations are a major catalyst, like many previously mentioned, for the series of failed marriages and staggering rates of divorce. Evidence has demonstrated that 70 percent of Americans believe that the purpose of a life-long romantic relationship is to discover a mate who will bring them happiness.

The term happiness in this case is pre-defined to mean a romantic connection with a soulmate whose mutual sexual ecstasy lasts forever. Naturally, this almost always fails to fall in line with reality, and the stability of marriage requires the partners to constantly work on compatibility with respect to practical circumstances, mutual goals, and commitment to shared moral values and principles.

In the event that a marriage is losing said ecstasy due to these failed expectations, it is prudent to ask oneself what they fell in love with in the first place; a fantasy, or a real person with flaws that are overshadowed by positive virtues and attributes.

Until the end of the 20th century, the traditional perspective was that a couple raises a family together, offers mutual assistance to each other in times of struggle, and engages in larger networks of communities. The model of a soulmate fails to empathize with this far more practical setup.

The Impact of Divorce

Divorce can take a terrible toll on a family with children, as the youth often begin life with the belief that eternal love truly exists and never desire to witness awful and abusive behavior between two individuals who have committed their worlds to one another.

However, contrary to popular belief, separation is conclusively beneficial for all involved members. For example, when tension is finally removed from inside the house, the children will often be more relaxed and when parents are happier individuals, the children are often happy for them as well.

When parents utilize divorce as a learning experience for not just themselves but also for their children, they ultimately serve to benefit from the situation. The youth grow to learn that they should never settle for an unhealthy marriage or a relationship that fails to meet their needs and desires.

Custody is often a difficult subject matter to tackle in court, especially in circumstances where one parent suffers from addictions or abusive behavior. However, in a situation in which the parents simply suffer from irreconcilable differences that do not extend to extraordinary circumstances, shared custody is often agreed upon and allows for the children to experience their parents fully on an individual level.

During the child’s time with their parents after divorce, the father or mother can ignore their other responsibilities and focus solely on their offspring in their time together. Finally, there exists a potential for the children to witness not only a happy parent but also one who succeeds in discarding their past and finding a partner who is better for them.

If one is divorced, they may often feel lonely or doomed to a single life forever. Despite such feelings, evidence proves that such depression fails to last forever. For example, Kingston University in London discovered that women are much happier individuals for nearly 5 years after the divorce has been settled. It was not only due to the fact that had become free from a burdening marriage but also for the reason that they noted feeling more content and connected to themselves than they ever had before in their life.

In addition to emotional relaxation, health is restored and boosted significantly after exiting a failed relationship, reducing the risk for a number of biological triggers such as depression, heart disease, arthritis, cancer, and diabetes. Beyond health, one is allowed to make all the financial decisions that they struggled to achieve in marriage themselves including a significant reduction in expenses and a surplus break on taxes manifested by joint filing.

Divorcing out of an unhappy marriage proves that one believes they deserve to be in a supportive relationship which serves as a great role model for children.

After divorce, there is no longer a struggle in priorities with respect to a budget nor are there endless evenings of fights arguing over a rein in expenditures. According to a senior financial advisor, Nancy Hetrick of Better Money Decisions, her 6-month hiatus after her divorce from her spouse allowed her to successfully accumulate as high as $20,000 in savings given her newfound control of all budgeting priorities.

During this same time, she claimed that her ex-husband accumulated tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Furthermore, a divorce is one of the rare occasions in one’s life where money can be withdrawn from retirement early without a penalty, as when an agreement termed qualified domestic relations is settled, said the penalty is automatically removed.

This is due to the fact that the finances are exempt for those under the age of 59 and a half years old. However, income tax is always required to be paid for if the resources are not entered into an individual retirement account (IRA). For both partners, but more specifically women, divorce allows for the potential of better returns on investment.

In general, accounting firms have noted that men often take a far more aggressive strategy towards investments as they are more prone to take bigger risks. According to Fidelity Investments, women were observed to be less likely to invest heavily into equities and consequently earned superior margins than their male counterparts.

Therefore, after a divorce, women (and like-minded men) are able to have full control over their plans for retirement which helps tremendously in the long run. Lastly, aside from the emotional and educational benefits provided by observing a successful divorce, children primarily serve to benefit with respect to financial aid for university and higher education. According to the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, financial records need only to be provided by the custodial parent.