The Art of Enduring

This evening is ours, my dear Calvin. It’s to celebrate us. A culmination of the precious memories in the years we’ve shared together. I’m sure that you would remember that today is our anniversary, if you could, my love.

I remember the first time that I saw you. Your body was so lifeless. Your legs heavily wounded with shrapnel.

As a military nurse, we are taught to remove ourselves from our work. I need not tell you horrors I saw back then during the war because you know them all too well. I couldn’t help myself but to be instantly drawn to you.

I talked to you as I changed your bandages day in and day out and wondered if you heard me. How handsome you were then. Your dark hair wisp ever so gently just above your eyebrow line. I used to trace in my mind over your perfect cupid’s bow adorning your lips.

I watched your chest rise and fall with each breath you took. I tried to imagine the color beneath the lids that rested shut. My heart sings remembering the day they opened revealing the deep blue I’ve gotten lost in so many times since.

Those days in the hospital after you woke up, I genuinely enjoyed all the moments we were together. Especially the days following when you began to smile at me when I came to check on you or bring you your supper. I can still see that beautiful smile that touched both ears and lit up your eyes. And when my gaze met yours, that my dear, was something truly special.

That remarkable day your legs were able to carry you and you walked across that room again. I remember the whole ward cheered. I watched with admiration of your endless determination. Do you remember that we celebrated by opening a bottle of Merlot that nurse Helen had in her car? With our first sip and a raise of our glasses, we toasted to your great success.

I picked my heart off the ground the day you were discharged. I knew the day was coming soon but not that soon.

I started my shift at 3 pm as I usually did. As I walked through the doors of your room, I could see the empty bed, clean sheets on, white and crisp, made up for the next person to fill. I felt so empty like the emptiness of the room.

I inquired at the nurse’s station about your discharge. Helen told me you were released that morning. A knot quickly formed in the pit of my stomach. Then she added that you had left a note for me as she handed me the white envelope.

Helen hovered over me waiting to see what it contained. Examining the envelope, my fingers traced over the loops in my name that you had written so carefully on the front. I slowly pealed it open.

I held my breath as I read your note. To this day, I still remember every word.

Dear Margaret,

I guess I’m being discharged this morning. I’ll be flying home in two days. I wanted to tell you if it weren’t for you, I think I would have gone crazy in this place. Being able to see you made me want to get better and push through even in the hardest of times. You were the light in my darkest hour and for that, I want to thank you. I would like to properly thank you in person. Please meet me tomorrow at 11 am in Hamilton Park by the fountain. I really hope you can make it.

Yours,

Calvin

I read your note at least three times before folding it and tucking it back into its envelope. After I read it, so many questions crossed my mind (You were always so good at keeping me guessing, love). Did he write that he is mine? Is this meant to be a date? I had so many high hopes and all the rest of that day I found my mind wandering, thinking of you.

My mind tossed and turned as did my sleep that night, but I jumped out of bed energized at the thought of seeing you again. Even if it was just one last time.

It occurred to me that you hadn’t seen me outside of my plain white nurse’s uniform, so I carefully chose my favorite yellow dress the one with white buttons that fell just short of my knees. I painstakingly pin curled all my hair so I can where it down revealing my shoulder length blond hair.

Sitting in the taxi on my way, I could hardly contain myself. The ride to the park was a blur. We pulled up to the park and I could see the fountain off in the distance. The building of my nerves was so intense I thought I would burst through the seams of my dress.

I saw you sitting near the fountain on the red and blue checked blanket laid out neatly over the grass. When you waved and smiled at me, it put me at ease, and I made my way to you.

As I approached, I saw the picnic basket you had carefully prepared for us. I was pleasantly surprised that you even brought a bottle of Merlot remembering that I liked the wine at your celebration back at the hospital (You were always so romantically thoughtful that way). I felt your eyes intense, gazing at me as I sat beside you.

The wine was poured, and the cheese was cut. The stories came so naturally it was like that was all we had ever known. Time flew passed so quickly that I wished there was more.

The time came when I had to tear myself away. My work shift was starting in the next hour. It was so hard to say goodbye that day. It had crossed my mind to just stay with you and never leave.

I knew that you would be leaving the next day. Leaving to go back to your life, your home. I was in agony thinking I might not ever see you again.

I hid the tears that I was fighting back as we said our goodbyes even though we both promised we’d write. My heart wanted to stay in that moment forever when you kissed me on the cheek and embraced me before opening the door to the taxi that brought me back to my lonely life.

I was a bit intoxicated at work not from the wine but because of the time spent with you. Nevertheless, work was so colorless and bleak without you there. I finished my shift and went home, thinking that I would do the same thing the next day, and for everyday that followed.

It was a wondrous surprise to see you at the front door of hospital the next day my dear. I was ecstatic to hear of your plans to stay a while. When you kissed me before you left, I felt like singing from each mountain top knowing that this could be the beginning of something magical.

That it was, and so much more. The life we built together was everything I could have hoped for. I’ve loved every moment with you.

I’ve watched you grow as a person through the ages, dear and I can honestly say that I’m so proud of you. I can never thank you enough for how much you’ve enriched my life.

I pour a glass of Merlot to drink to you and our beautiful life together. The wine lingers on my lips soft and sensual, like every kiss we’ve shared. I saver it along with these moments I still have with you.

How I long to be young again with you, but I’m grateful for all sixty years and to be by your side now.

I look at you with admiration. Your silver hair just comes down to meet the deep lines in your face where your dark wisps once were. I trace the cupids bow of your lips and kiss it ever so gently. Once more, I dream of the color beneath the lids that rest shut.

I know you must leave, my dear, as you are so weary now. Holding your hand in mine, I don’t ever want to let go.

I know you would tell me not to cry for you, that you are fine. I can’t help the tears that fall as I watch your chest rise and fall for one last time.