The Animal Within

A fire was ignited within me. From the day I was born. It was the only thing that kept me warm, kept me whole, and kept me alone. There it stayed. Nestled behind everything that makes me, me. Protecting me time and time again . From the coldness of the world, the cruelty, and the injustice. As the years went by the fire grew. Feeding my soul with the strength to continue on. When you are a child there are certain things you should not have to worry about. Such as food, shelter, and even love. Because how can someone that is suppose to love you toss you away as though you didn't matter? Why wouldn’t you fight for someone or something that was once a part of you? Why would you not fight against wrong doings? That question seemed to run through me more than the blood in my veins. At a young age the thought of my existence just seemed irrelevant. Everyone always talks about having a purpose in life, but how could I, when the only thing I knew was a feeling of hope that I could survive. As I got older, I remembered things that should have stayed buried in the deepest depths of my mind. The disturbing stories you find in the news headlines. The type of memories that, even now, you can't seem to distinguish between being actual events or the torment of nightmares that still haunt you to this day. There was no one around that I could ever talk to about how I felt or even the things that I had been through. I was a caged animal in a world of savage humans. It will always remind me of watching a bullfighting program on TV. There he was: a beautiful, mighty, majestic bull. Standing proud as though he was making a grand display of his purpose. I always felt as though I was a misunderstood bull surrounded by a massive crowd of matadors waving muletas consisting of hateful words and phrases in front of me tempting me into releasing the rage built up inside. It’s kind of funny how the bull represents me. Everyone thinks that bulls are angry with the muletas being red. But, in actuality, bulls are color blind and it is the action or movement of the matador that causes the raging bull to attack. Just as the words and actions of others can affect an individual and even me. It has taken every fiber of my being to maintain the animal within, to remain in a peaceful state. I don’t think that many people care how they treat others. How their words and actions can affect someone else. How their words can either positively or negatively impact someone’s life. Reflecting back on the bullfighting program, I will never forget how I felt watching the bull go down. Seeing red. I cried. For the bull didn’t deserve his demise the way that he did. I didn’t understand why everyone was cheering. Why was this ok? That is the world we live in. We find power in the ability to manipulate a situation or others. That is why this fire burns within me. My soul is angry. It wants to fight against the wrong doings of this world. The worst part of it all being that humans are the main cause or root of all of this. We destroy what we don’t understand. We destroy the best parts of the world. We destroy each other. We destroy ourselves. We take what we can and keep what we shouldn’t. Many times throughout my life, I have heard that it only takes one person to make a difference. One person brave enough to buck the trends. I believe that one person can make a difference, with the support of others. Being a cohesive unit with a singular focus. That is when you can actually see change. This is how it works. This is how it has always worked. Good or bad. We study history to learn not to repeat certain events that have taken place over time. But it repeats. The world is washed over and over again following the directions as that of a shampoo bottle. Those of us that are angry and try hard to break free from a cloned society are put on display and brought down ending up with the same fate as that mighty bull. What do we need to do to be heard? Where do we go from here? Why don’t others listen? I may not know why I am here. I may not even know my purpose. I may never know. But I do know that I will continue to help others. I will continue to build others up instead of tearing them down. I will stand up and be heard when something is not right and will scream my words when I feel or see injustice. I only hope that, at the end of the day, this fiery bull within me will ignite the fire in many.

- Tia Dalu Souhrada