Humans logo

The American Dating Culture


By DannyMoxPublished 2 years ago 4 min read

"Before I came to America, I actually didn't even know about things like dating culture." One day, Eunhwa suddenly said.

"What dating culture? It's just a culture of sleeping around and not being responsible!" I replied with disdain.

Yes, we young women from third world countries came all the way to the United States to learn the advanced culture, how could we think that in this so-called civilized, democratic, rich and powerful society, there is such a big poisonous weed as dating culture.

Dating, how to say it in Chinese? "Dating" is the most appropriate word, but the importance, frequency and clarity of meaning of "dating" in the Chinese context is far less than the status of Dating in the English context. For example, in China, we may ask someone, "Do you have a boyfriend (girlfriend)? But we don't usually ask people "Are you dating anyone lately?" In fact, this phrase sounds so awkward in Chinese that it sounds like a sick sentence. But in the U.S., it's all too normal to ask that. The difference is not just a difference in wording, but a difference in culture. In China, two people in love is in love, not talking is not talking, there is basically no ambiguous state, while the word dating in the English world, precisely to describe the ambiguous state between two people. When a person announces that they are dating someone, they are basically announcing: I have slept with this person (or will soon sleep with this person), but she (he) is not yet my girl (boy) friend.

The key word is the "but".

Those who have watched Sex and the City may remember one episode where Mr. Big introduced Carrie to someone and said, "This is my girlfriend", which touched Carrie's heart - at that time, they had been dating for a long time, that is, sleeping together for a long time, but But Big never used the word "girlfriend" to describe Carrie, and once a man stops using the word "date" and uses "girlfriend Once a man stops using the term "date" and uses "girlfriend" to refer to a woman, that's when her status is upgraded and her chair is secure. The emergence of dating can be said to be the recognition of the objective reality that the development of physical desire and spiritual attachment is disproportionate. The development of physical relations between two people can be as fast as a rice cooker cooking, and the development of two people's feelings, often as slow as a casserole soup, how to do? Dating.

Rapid intimacy, rapid bed, rapid breakup, is the main landscape of the dating culture.

This thing, when you think about it, is actually quite frustrating. The popularity of dating culture, in a sense, is equal to the human race admitted their double incompetence: in the face of resisting desire incompetence; in the cultivation of feelings of incompetence. The people who admitted this double incompetence turned around and went into the dating scene. ABCDEFG---- appeared one by one and then disappeared one by one. After all, it takes only a little hormones to get laid once, and to love someone, it takes passion, perseverance, will, strength and all these long-winded things, and human beings are always such an animal that avoids the heavy.

In Sex and the City, Miranda admits to having slept with 42 men, and in Four Weddings and a Funeral, Carrie admits to having slept with more than 30 men. Miranda and Carrie, it seems that they do not fit our legendary "broken shoes" image, on the contrary, they are amiable, positive, intelligent and clever, and our Chinese those cute "girl next door" does not seem to be different. The only difference is that they grew up in this dating culture. Our culture's shoe can be someone else's culture's princess. Basically, in China, at least until recent years, there was no dating culture, there was a "looking culture": from the first time two people held hands, the theme of marriage came to the fore. Since childhood, we have seen how many movies and TV novels, how many complainers, because and a man slept with, they cry and yell and grab each other by the collar to be "responsible" for her, and even from time to time, they have to send their brother, godbrother or something to flatten people, beat them until their noses bleed, full of teeth.

This is certainly not to say that we Chinese are more capable than Westerners in resisting desire and cultivating relationships, so that we can go beyond dating and stride into the sanctuary of love. In fact, the "looking culture" is just a denial of the objective reality of the disproportionate development of physical desires and spiritual attachments. It is clear that the development of physical desire and spiritual attachment is disproportionate, but must do "synchronous development", the result is, since the bed, then get married, since the marriage, then make up, since the family made up, then outside the prostitute or find an affair it.

If dating leads to the numbness after the flowering, the culture of "looking for objects" often leads to the numbness after the mire. The method of death is different, we are each other, no one is guilty of sympathy.

Of course, my pessimism may be purely my own anti-social, anti-human tendencies. In fact, we can also say that people in the dating culture enjoy the fleeting pleasure, while people in the dating culture enjoy the long-lasting pleasure. Light or heavy, it's all pleasure.

I have an unfounded theory and firmly believe in it: the total amount of one's affection is finite, and if you use it up piecemeal, by the time you need to spend a large amount, your account will be empty. So the biggest downside of dating culture is its profligacy. Modern man rushes to the dating market like a hungry man rushes to a buffet, he east a spoon, west a chopstick, each dish is a shallow taste, but each dish leaves no room for aftertaste.

Although there may well be a reciprocity between the depth of love and the breadth of love, I always feel that true love is an experience of depth rather than of quantity.


About the Creator


Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.