The Amber Heard Dichotomy

Abuse isn't black and white.

By S. FrazerPublished 3 years ago • 4 min read

I (kind of) believe Amber Heard.

I know, I know, but hear me out!

As a disclaimer, Johnny Depp is one of my all-time favorite actors. I've seen two movies of Amber Heard's: Zombieland and Pineapple Express. So I'm not biased in favor of Heard by any means.

Moreover, I am utterly disgusted by her behavior.

But I'm not convinced that Heard wasn't abused in some way by Depp, and I'm uncomfortable with the way she's been treated.

Due to her outrageous behavior, Heard's allegations of abuse have largely been dismissed by the public. She has (understandably) been vilified, mocked, and publicly shamed, while Depp has been held up as the embodiment of the abused, disbelieved man whose name was smeared and career ruined by false accusations.

She's an abuser. No question about it.

But that doesn't mean that he isn't. They aren't mutually exclusive.

And this is the issue that I have with the way the public has responded to this controversy. Because there's actually a good deal of evidence to support at least some of Heard's allegations.

Depp has openly admitted to having abused drugs and alcohol during their marriage. There is video footage of him behaving aggressively and uncontrollably while seemingly under the influence. He slams cabinets, breaks things, and yells.

I would be scared in this situation. When he found out that she was recording him, I was scared for her.

This video gives credence to Heard's claim that her ex-husband was at times volatile and intimidating.

What's more, Depp keeps losing his legal battles.

In November of 2020, Depp lost the libel case he had brought against the British newspaper The Sun, which had called him a "wife beater" in an article that claimed he had abused Heard. Judge Andrew Nicol ruled that the allegations were "substantially true," and that there was enough evidence to support at least 12 of Heard's 14 claims of physical assault.

That says a lot, particularly given the recordings we have of Heard acting like a complete psycho. Nicol wrote, “I accept [Heard's] evidence of the nature of the assaults [Depp] committed against her. They must have been terrifying. I accept that Mr. Depp put her in fear of her life.”

If a judge is ruling against Depp given what we know about Heard, there's a reason for it.

I'm not defending Heard's behavior. I've listened to the recordings. Her actions are appalling and a prime demonstration of why we should be having an in-depth conversation about domestic violence perpetrated by women and the difficulties faced by male victims of abuse. I'm disgusted by the things she's said and done, and I think that she should be held accountable for them.

But I'm also concerned about the things Depp said and did. The alleged texts between him and actor Paul Bettany, for instance, were shocking and incredibly disappointing.

At one point, Depp wrote, “Let’s drown her before we burn her!!! I will f--k her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she is dead.”

This isn't a good look. And it doesn't do anything to help Depp's case.

Unfortunately, I think that a good deal of the continued support Depp receives stems from fans' loyalty to the actor himself, rather than from any real dedication to protecting male victims of abuse. Depp is a far more famous, popular, and sympathetic figure than his ex-wife. He may have lost out on career opportunities, but he's still overwhelmingly loved and believed by the public.

People talk about this situation as if they know these celebrities and what went on in their private lives. In truth, we outsiders have very little information. But based on what we know for sure, it seems like Heard and Depp had a toxic relationship, over the course of which both parties did abusive things, and it probably would have been better for both of them if those issues had been settled privately.

It's hard to feel sympathy for Heard. My complaint is not so much about the criticism she has received, but with the prevailing depiction of Depp as an innocent victim with no culpability himself. It's highly unlikely given the evidence available that this dichotomous characterization of the exes' situation is accurate.

Abuse isn't a black and white issue. We should be having a more nuanced conversation about domestic violence, one that doesn't simply label one party the abuser and the other the victim. Whether or not Depp is a "wife-beater," it's unlikely that his hands are totally clean in this mess.