The All Too Familiar Tale of Two Lovers

by Carrie Smurl 2 years ago in dating

Millennial Style

The All Too Familiar Tale of Two Lovers

It’s Friday night. You’re off work and your friends have all planned a night out on the town. You’re dressed in the latest fashion and everyone takes a Snapchat selfie before they leave in the Uber to let everyone know “what’s up.” You get to the bar/concert/event or whatever it is, have a couple drinks and some fun and maybe even meet someone worth talking to for more than 5 minutes. He’s cute, he’s in a band, studying at a top university and is extremely well read. You hit it off so well that you end up going on a couple more dates the following weeks and you may even end up sleeping together a few times. After a few weeks maybe even months of seeing each other you start expressing how happy he makes you and how you love spending time together, and he may even return these feelings. Then weird things start to happen... he starts hitting you with "no replies" or maybe he’s seemingly always busy. You've been ghosted. He made you feel like things were going well and the sex was great! Now he doesn’t even have the balls to tell you how he really feels... so you have get over how great you imagined a relationship could be with someone you finally thought you connected with, and move on.

As some would say: You showed you cared about him “too soon.” You let him know that you were interested and somehow that made him... not interested. This is absurd. Why is it that in today’s day, the first person to show any sort of “gives a fuck” attitude looses all the power. It’s almost as if you have to pretend you don’t care or have no emotion to win someone’s attention. It’s nearly 2018... can we not just have a simple conversation about expectations? Why must we play games with each other ? It seems most people are committed to non-commitment and as soon as the idea of someone wanting to be more serious than a casual fuck or dinner date appears, people are terrified something better will come along while settling for what’s in front of them.

We’ve been conditioned for this though. And it makes sense why should we settle for less if better things are always coming our way? We have a new version of something almost every year. Shouldn’t we want the best for ourselves? We are the era of new and better things, we have tiny computers that connect us to the world in our pockets but we can’t seem to find happiness even if it’s staring us right in the face. We lack a key component of being satisfied with what we have and where we’re at. Social media makes us always see perfection in others' lives and that ours may be inadequate. We compare and contrast every single thing until we’re blue in the face. We should start realizing that good things don’t just appear in front of us but rather are built through compassion and caring for others. Maybe instead of dismissing people after first dates, take them on a second, third, and fourth and truly try to get to know them and maybe you’ll see something there that wasn’t before, and if you don't see it going anywhere don't waste someone's time and energy. Just say so.

Have the self-discipline to be true to yourself and others. We all say we want to be desired and to be truly known, but the fear of being vulnerable and loosing people after they see our "true selves" holds us back. Stepping off that cliff of vulnerability is so hard, not knowing if your partner will be there to provide the next step can make your stomach churn. Knowing yourself enough to be secure with your emotions for others all the while being un-apologetically you will help liberate you from the anxiety of feeling hopeless when someone else can't reciprocate what you put out there. So don't be afraid to loose someone who pushes you away in order to feel more secure with themselves. You deserve someone with the emotional intelligence and integrity to have a conversation with you.

It's not an easy concept to grasp by any means, but I can say that being whole within and staying grounded to the present moments in your life will help you love others without being so attached that it drains you. You will have closer intimacy and deeper connections in relationships. When you are able to express yourself completely it shows a great amount of emotional maturity and you will be able to love, from your desire to love. And maybe one day, someone might just come along and accept everything you are and show you the same qualities back, because isn't that what we all really want in the end anyways?

dating
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Carrie Smurl

Just a hippie living in Austin, TX

See all posts by Carrie Smurl