The big moving truck came, they packed up all my belongings, filled the truck with my furniture and I finished packing up my car, off I went to a new state, new life and to heal my broken heart.
Upon arriving in the most beautiful, sunny, warm, state, it was my plan to begin dating to heal this broken heart. I joined every internet dating site, did not set high expectations, just wanted to drown out the past, heal the pain, and maybe in all of this find a new love.
We all deal with heartache in our lives but for me I was dealing with letting go of a friend, a great lover, but most of all someone who had touched the deepest parts of my soul. You see this great love was unobtainable, he was married. Was he happy? No. Is that really the question, no. He was married and in my eyes at that time he was a player. Player or not he won my heart.
The searching through picture after picture, profile after profile, not really being certain of what it was I was searching for but I figured once I saw it I would know. Maybe just sex I said, but I have never been that way I thought but the other side of me, the dark side said "lady get with it, sex is awesome, he is not the only one who can rock your world." So, now I knew it was about finding just a sexual partner.
Chemistry does need to play a role does it not? I went on 225 first dates. I hold the record for running. Why just first dates? The answer was simple they didn't even ignite a spark, they were gorgeous, intelligent, successful but NO spark. You see I was looking to replace the man I loved, the man no man could ever replace, how silly of me.
So after 225 first dates and 225 call backs for second dates I gave up and threw myself into my career, licked my wounds, cried for years, until my heart and my soul accepted his loss. No more First Dates for me, I couldn't do that to anyone again.
Did I ever find love again? No, not like him. I did have a long term relationship with someone who loved me dearly, we both traveled extensively, spent time together but it was more of friends with benefits. I ended it as the benefits part was never satisfying nor has it ever been the same with anyone else but the love of my life. I broke his heart but yet he respected my decision and we are still very good friends, no benefits.
Where is my love? Not nearby I always make sure that he is not as he is still married. He cares about me deeply, I love him and have accepted there will never be a replacement but God willing maybe a miracle can happen for me.
#My Worst Date